The trials & tribulations of job hunting during a pandemic.

It is difficult during normal times to look for a new job due to redundancy, but during a pandemic is something else. This is the story of my 12-month journey since my role was made redundant. A journey where I went through every emotion, where days were sometimes dark but ultimately it was a journey of discovery.

This has not been done for a sympathy vote but to let people know it is “okay not to be okay” and there are others struggling and feeling the same things – that they are not alone.

On February 1st, 2020, my life changed forever, that was the first day of being unemployed since I left college.

Some of you may think that statement is an overreaction, but from my point of view, it was not and still is not. I had been so fortunate to work for a brilliant company for six years and during that time, I had grown, learned, and developed so much but I had also watched, helped, and been part of the company going through the same journey. It was an amazing company to work for, nothing like any other company I had known. Do not get me wrong, there were stressful, difficult periods during that time. Times when you questioned whether it was time to look for something new, but soon those thoughts were gone. I had so many opportunities and will always be forever grateful for them.

Working for a young, growing, vibrant company was hard work, days could be extremely stressful and the number of paths we walked continuously changed. But the ability to wear multiple hats, to juggle numerous balls was something I loved. Having the HR function meant I was involved in every aspect of the employee lifecycle which was the most rewarding role I have ever had. This is why the redundancy of my position, the reasons why and the speed it all happened hit me hard – extremely hard. Even now I still struggle when I think back to that time, so many different feelings – sadness, anger, resentment, guilt … the list can go on. I lost several colleagues who were friends not just due to the resentment I felt that they still had their job, but also because of my depression I pushed many of them away, and sadly they stayed away.

For those who have not been in a position like this let me explain. My job was everything to me, I gave 110% all the time. As a “director” I was used to working long hours and weekends when required, and I was always available for any of the employees to contact me if they needed or if there were issues at work. So, to go from spending 9, 10, 11 hours a day with these people, your co-workers, your work family to nothing ... complete emptiness ... you lose your identity, and as time goes on you start to doubt your abilities, your skills and you lose your sense of belonging. As someone with no children and my husband going to work every day, I was spending 8+ hours on my own. I did not want to go out for fear I would be tempted to spend money as I knew things were going to be tight going forward as we had already gone through the finances and minimised as much of our outgoings as we could.

It was a strange time, as someone who had spent years recruiting people when it came to being on the other side, I did not have a clue, so much had changed since the last time I had proactively looked for work. I felt lost, alone, afraid, and not sure what I should be doing. I had been naive at the beginning, believing that with my experience and skill set I would just walk into another job but how wrong was I.

Now at this point some of you reading this will probably be saying that there are plenty of support groups on LI for people in my situation. There are two things to remember, firstly this was pre-COVID-19 so many of these groups had not yet been formed and as someone with depression I find it extremely hard to reach out to people and all my life have found it difficult to ask for help, it simply was not the way I was bought up, I always feel that I am putting people out by asking for help.

As we all know COVID-19 then arrived and our worlds really did change forever. More and more people were losing their jobs, and everything was looking bleak. For me, my husband was still going to work each day as he was classed as a key worker, with lockdown upon us I was stuck day in and day out staring at the four walls. I started joining webinars, podcasts and following key people on LI, although I had been on LI for years, I had never really utilised its full potential so when people advised that you needed to be posting regularly, I really had no idea what I would post, and I was never one to believe in my abilities let alone promote myself. 

I started playing around with Canva and creating posts around my skills, experience, and the problems I could solve for business owners. The posts were light-hearted, and I began to find that I enjoyed spending the time creating them. These became a huge hit with people and my network slowly started to grow.

The months were flying past and I had some interviews, came close a few times but no offers. Due to the sheer volume of people applying for roles, recruitment managers were simply inundated and although I appreciate how that feels, found it frustrating when you either received the standard reply or in many cases no response at all. It was then I realised that I had no way of knowing why I had not been successful so did not know where and what I needed to improve. I was also shocked that regardless of my skills, experience, and previous roles some people clearly felt that because you were out of work, it didn't matter how they treated you.

It was around this time that I realised that I would have to apply for benefits. I had been in denial for a long time believing that my new job was just around the corner. I felt completely humiliated at the thought of it, it was something I had never had to do in the past I had always worked, and my parents had always taught me that if there was anything you wanted in life you went out and earned it. But I had no choice, and I went on the Government Gateway website to submit my claim.

My posts were still proving popular and I tried to be different and unique with them, coming up with new ideas like the “recipe for success”, or the video “who am I and how can I help you”. I just needed them to be seen by the right person. I contacted old colleagues asking if they could share, like, or comment on my posts to help reach a wider audience. Some obliged and sadly some did not, but I could not blame them the time had moved on for us all.

 I had been approached by business owners on LI a few times, people who had seen my profile and posts and wanted to discuss a new opportunity they had. The call would take place, there was positive feedback and next steps were discussed, perhaps it was a call with some of the management team or a call with their HR, but all of them ended the same – silence – the next steps never happened, my calls or messages were not returned. For me, this was one of the most gut-wrenching experiences as it was not the same as applying for a role and being pipped by a better candidate. These were connections on LI, so they knew my journey but still behaved this way.

During those months there were some very dark times, times when I did not know if I would come out the other side. It hadn't helped that I had suffered a serious bout of depression the previous year, and now finding myself in this position. I think if someone had touched me I probably would have shattered into a million pieces, that is how fragile I felt at times. I had gone from being the main “breadwinner” to nothing and yes, I felt guilty, humiliated, and to blame for the whole situation. I lost my purpose, my identity, and my self-belief, it was an extremely rough time and still is sometimes. I would spend days just sitting in silence, just me and my thoughts, on other days I would cry continuously for hours.

In September I was fortunate enough to be offered a full-time role, and I was so excited at the thought of being back in the workplace, being amongst people, and feeling useful. Sadly though, it did not work out, some people said I was mad to leave and should have carried on just taking the money but that is not who I am, so we amicably parted ways.

During these 12 months, many wonderful people on LI have offered help and advice some I took up and some I did not for a variety of reasons, but I will always be grateful for those who offered.

Several of my connections kept saying I should start my own business, that there would be a few businesses that would benefit from my skillset.

Eventually, I pulled up "my big girl pants" and started to look at consultancy work and I set up my “little business” on LI. Initially, I had a few inquiries from my connections and things looked promising. I had calls with them, discussed their requirements, and submitted my proposal. All was looking good – but then the same thing happened as before – silence – no acknowledgment or feedback. I began to wonder if it was just me, why else would this happen to me again, perhaps I was simply too trusting of people and I started to believe that starting my own company may not be for me. Some of you may think I give up too easily but having taken so many knockbacks over the months does make you fragile.

Coming into the end of the year the number of roles being advertised were much fewer, and Christmas / New Year was an exceedingly difficult time for many different reasons. It took me until the middle of January to feel “normal” again.

Now as I type this, February 1st is in our sights, and I am no further forward in finding that role. I have done everything the experts have suggested but still, it has not happened. Surely there must be someone out there who can utilise my skillset and experiences. I have many days when I ask myself this question and where I find myself thinking, that this is it for me. My career is over, this is where it finishes.

These past 12 months have been a journey of discovery and has made me a different person, it has been a very steep learning curve. There have been grey days and very dark days but somehow, I managed to get through them. I realise now how much strength and resilience I have inside me. Over the past couple of months, I have started reading again. I always loved to read but never seemed to find the time. I have especially loved reading the books by the guys of “SAS – Are you tough enough”. Discovering the journeys that Ant Middleton, Mark “Billy” Billingham, Jason Fox, and Ollie Ollerton went through to achieve what they have today is a true inspiration. 

I volunteered to help with the COV19 vaccination program and was accepted as a Volunteer Steward which has given me something positive to hold onto, it gives me purpose and identity again. I have also learned to enjoy cook again; I passed my Food & Nutrition GCSE exam many years ago, but I have never had much patience in the kitchen. I could easily burn baked beans and as I was usually the last one home, my dinner was usually waiting for me. I am very fortunate that my husband loves to cook, but now I am at home all day it was only right that I take on that role. It was a sticky start; I will not lie but now I am serving up some lovely meals that I have made myself and when in the right mood have found cooking very therapeutic.

I have signed up for some courses for my own personal development, these include Cyber Security, ISO 9001 Auditor, Process Mapping, and Business Analysis. I am hoping they will not only keep my brain working but will add to my skill set that a future employer will find useful.

The current situation for me is that naturally financially things are getting tougher, belts have been tightened even further. As we rent our house, we cannot afford to miss a payment so other essentials have to wait, right now that means the heating is off in the whole house and the sitting room is the only room being heated by a log burner. But I see myself as one of the lucky ones, I have a roof over my head and food on the table, and my husband to support me, but it is easy to see how others do not fair so well and end up on the streets.

If you are reading this and currently are employed, please do not think that this could never happen to you. I used to believe this, but ultimately it is down to luck and it could happen to anyone at any time. So, if you know someone who is currently looking for work, perhaps you see their posts on LI just take a few moments out of your day to like, comment, or share to help them. Or even reach out and ask how they are. You truly cannot believe the difference this can make to someone and will brighten their day.

What the next few months hold for me I do not know. I do know I will continue to fight with everything I can and try to think of new ways to get noticed by business owners who are hopefully looking for someone with my skills and experience. I need them to look at the person behind the CV and see the potential for us both.

2021 – will it be my year? Only time will tell.