In The Trenches - How i got hit by a 2'x4' this week.

Happy Bank Holiday Monday. If you are new to reading my posts I would recommend you read my first post, its explains what the series is about, who I am and some requests I have with regard to engagement – I promise they are simple and everything will make much more sense.

?So this week has been a little bit of a testing week, being tested is something I spent my entire life avoiding! I was a master at avoiding! But on my journey of self-discovery I have learnt that we are all tested, every single human being, it’s not the test itself that determines the outcome but how we react to it.

?I’m a deep thinker, which has been my downfall and creation at the exact same time! So I am currently making a big change in my life and I have decided to move from being self-employed to industry.?I can hear you already! Don’t worry its ok I?haven’t lost my mind! I know society would have us believe that the ultimate is being self-employed! We’ll I’ve done it for the last 15 years on and off and I know it’s not the ultimate for me at this point in my life .?

?For me the ultimate has been taking the time to understand me, understand my values and most importantly my self-limiting beliefs.?We don’t speak about self-limiting beliefs enough and don’t take the time to understand where they originate and the impact they can have throughout our life – for me personally they have had a devastating impact and the work to understand them has not been easy but so worthwhile.?

?I have decided for the next phase I want to contribute as part of a team.?I want to be able to bring my skills to impact in a positive way, to empower, motivate, challenge, inspire and lead.?Lead not in my knowledge but in my capacity to be curious, to be open, to share, to learn and to admit when I make mistakes, with a willingness to always learn.?To lead from a place of love and vulnerability.?

?I have been applying for jobs for the past month, to date I have applied for lots and when it wasn’t happening as fast I wanted I started to create stories and to be honest I drove myself a little mad. I reached out to friends to see if someone was going to throw me the life raft that I thought I needed – with words of wisdom!!?Was it my CV? Was in my cover letter? Was it the wording in my CV? I know I had taken the time to put my CV together and I had asked two people I trust to be honest with me to review it and apart from a couple of tweaks they both felt it was strong!

?Was I procrastinating and not taking enough action? I was starting to feel that I needed to doing way more than I was doing despite the fact that I was applying to lots.?You see in the past I was a desperate procrastinator and that was something I had overcome through two means – one addressing the fear that the procrastinating was hiding and secondly, creating habits of taking action every day. (Atomic Habits by James Clear is a brilliant book).?I had promised myself that I would apply to 5 jobs every day and reach out to 2 agencies and I had done these every day! So why was nothing happening (and I mean nothing apart from rejection letters) – what was I missing?

?As I read one morning last week and turned the page on my book there was my answer – it was so simple, two little words that hit me like a 2'x4'! Be Patient.?You see the universe doesn’t work to my agenda and despite a lot of misconceptions about manifesting – it’s not about sitting there and imagining and it will happen.?It’s about trust in yourself and in the universe, it’s about deciding what it is you want, ensuring it aligns with your values and taking action every single day towards making it happen and genuinely trusting that what is for you won’t pass you by.?The peace I got in that moment was amazing.?I just needed to keep doing what I was doing and trust that what’s for me is on the way!

?So what I realised this week is more often than not the answer will not be found in the doing but in the being.?Later that day a company reached out about a role, it followed with an interview and?I have a second interview for it tomorrow.?It’s a role that I would love that I know I would be good at.?But I also know whatever the outcome, its what’s meant to be….