And The Tree Was Happy (For Real Though?)

Is there such a thing as too much generosity?

The concept of self-care is fundamental to strengths-based personal development. At the beginning of every strengths workshop that I teach, I share a quote from my friend and inspirational speaker Holly Dowling: You have to be a little selfish so that you can become more selfless. Translation: Find work that that energizes you, and you will become a generous engine of productivity and creativity that benefits your team, your organization, your family, your community.

Self-care is crucial in leveraging our strengths at work so we can contribute more of our best selves. We cannot give to others what we do not have. If we are not kind to ourselves, we cannot show kindness to others. If we do not have energy, we cannot spend energy on others. Or at least, not sustainably.

In his book Give and Take, Adam Grant describes three approaches to relationships.

Takers believe there must be winners and losers, and they are always keeping score, always looking out for their own interests, at the expense of others. They are great delegators. But because they disregard others’ needs, they eventually sap the very lifeforce out of a person, a team, an organization. Takers in authority roles create drama, mistrust, and backstabbing.

Matchers treat relationships like a transaction. They are hypersensitive to fairness. They will be uncomfortable helping you if they don’t believe they will get something in return. Some will want a favor in return. Quid pro quo. Some will simply want credit or recognition. Similarly, if you do a favor for a Matcher, they will feel indebted to you and will try to remedy that as soon as possible. Until then they will feel out of balance.

Givers are focused on the well-being of others. They give of themselves to make your life a little better, or for the greater good. They are energized from being generous to others. Givers in formal authority roles create an environment of open communication, trust, and collaboration, which leads to productivity, creative problem solving, and innovation.

Grant makes the case that Givers have the best approach to relationships because they foster sharing. Sharing of knowledge, of resources, of energy. And organizations that share these things freely get better results.

But can giving go too far? If a Giver never says no to a request, they might work themselves to exhaustion, or let deadlines slip. Adam Grant, and his wife Allison Sweet Grant have thought about that too. Their article about the children’s book The Giving Tree helps us draw a distinction between generosity and sacrifice.

Happy reading. And stay strong.