Treat People Like Horses!?

What does horse riding have to do with human connection? It seems that if we treated humans more like we do horses, we might better understand each other!

When I interview people for this newsletter, I always close by asking if they would like to recommend others I should speak with. One interviewee’s response was:

“I do know of someone I think could add to the work you are doing.? [Sue Hughes] is my 94-year-old dressage trainer (dressage is a horse riding discipline). I believe she can add a lot in terms of how she fosters connection between horse and rider.?Dressage is all about harmony, teamwork, and intuitive connection.?She teaches connection through the body and intuitive feel.?Just thought it might be a unique perspective.”

Neither Sue nor I were quite sure how her experience was going to be relevant, but we figured it would nevertheless be fun to talk.

What is Dressage?

I haven’t a clue what dressage is. At most I’ve caught a glimpse every four years during the Olympics — riders dressed in formal-looking clothes, making their horse go through some complicated steps. So, to prepare for the conversation, I watched an amazing performance I found online (Glitz and Glamourdale!).For me it brought to mind pairs figure skating or gymnastics floor routines (including music). What also struck me is that the horse and rider seem to move as one, just flowing from one thing to the next very much in sync.

Learning to Communicate

When we met, Sue began by saying, “Horses are very sensitive to humans, almost psychic. They are responsive to your mood, your presence, your touch … and minimally to your voice.”

She explained that what riders have to learn is that the key to getting a horse to do what you want is for you to “form the intent”. You need to yourself know what you intend to do. You then transmit this to your horse through your touch. You can learn, and be taught, techniques to do this better … but it starts with your own clarity of intent.

(To get an appreciation of how deeply riders need to understand horses to master those techniques, here are some of Sue’s writings on “Mechanics of Western Dressage”.)

You also need to listen to your horse. Unlike Mister Ed (the talking horse of 1960’s TV), your horse is not going to communicate with you through language. Rather you have to listen with your senses. Sue says, “Be open, be receptive, respond appropriately. Form a unit!”

Psychic Horses Provide an External Echo of Internal Feelings

Once you are skilled at listening to a horse, you can learn a lot. Which is why equine therapy is a big thing. Horses are great facilitators for therapy/coaching because they provide a clear, external echo of your intent. As an example, you might be pretending to be confident, even fooling yourself, but the horse will sense your nervousness, and react accordingly … allowing you (and especially your trainer/coach/therapist) to see the situation more clearly.

Listen to People as You Would Listen to Horses

So, what does this have to do with connecting with people? This is what Sue and I concluded:

With horses, you know that you must interact consciously and openly to form a great partnership … because obviously they’re not going to listen to your logic. With people we should do the same. But we often don’t, because we think that they should just understand what you’re saying. We don’t make the same effort to listen openly and deeply, not just to their words but their whole being.

Sue said, “one has to ‘hold back’ on their own ideas about whatever the subject is in order to actually ‘hear’ the other person.?That waiting period takes discipline to achieve, but to me it is the only way to actually ‘listen’.”

The bottom line is that if we are capable of listening so deeply to horses, surely we can listen as deeply to our fellow humans, and so form richer connections.

Photo from Olympics dressage information