Treat Others Like You (Ideally) Treat Your Children

Sean's comment back took me a moment to process. But it came at just the right time. You see, it was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right. Trying to impose my will on the situation and play God, like some kind of controlling puppeteer.

I had a huge meeting that morning with one of the top B2B lead data companies in the country. A big deal in the industry. We had come highly recommended to produce their podcast.

That morning, I had brought the whole family to the office, and was several minutes late to the Zoom meeting and even had to jump 5 minutes in to take care of my son who was very upset. They made it very clear that they were annoyed that I was late and had made a bad first impression.

I was beating myself up really hard. I thought I had screwed something up big time. Both with the potential deal and with my family.

Caught in the middle between 2 conflicting priorities. I say family is the most important, but was I really demonstrating that in the moment? I say that professionalism and timeliness is important, but was I demonstrating that in the moment? No.

How could I win in this kind of situation.

So I did what I thought I could do at the time which was to air my concerns over a LinkedIn video. I figured that someone out there in the world would understand.

And that's where Sean came in. This is was he said:

"Sounds like you didn't fuck up. Sounds like you did exactly what you should have.

That 5 minute delay could blow up a deal, but it sounds like a deal with people that are so concerned with themselves that they don't stop to think about others.

Children force us to be selfless -- seldom in our lives are we more giving, more patient, and more caring than with our own children. The lesson doesn't end there, though -- it's a blueprint for treating others. When you show that same nurture, same patience, and same care, you're tapping into those experiences they had as children, and putting them at ease. Be patient, and find the people who put you at ease that way; those are the people you want to work with."

That last paragraph threw me for a loop. I think I'm only now just starting to unpack that, so let's do it together.

His first statement: Children force us to be selfless. True. There literally is no other option. If I were selfish with my son, he would probably die. Literally.

Seldom in our lives are we more giving, more patient and more caring than with our own children. Also true. I've had my moments where I've been a volunteer for non-profits or for events where I've felt the kind of compassion and patience I have with my kid. But Luke (my son) brings out a very soft kind of nature. Not like a push over kinda soft, but the kind of soft where it feels like I'm a dad.

The lesson doesn't end there though, it's a blueprint for treating others. Bring it on, Sean. Above all else, treat others how you want to be treated, right? That requires living with a tremendous amount of love. If love is going to be my highest goal, then that means it has to spill over into every aspect of my life, not just at home, but in business too.

One night I was sitting in a recovery group at Celebrate Recovery. This particular group was called Adult Children of Family Dysfunction. We were a group that had recognized that our upbringing had caused us to live self-destructive lives and we had to relearn how to be healthy adults.

Someone that night was celebrating 10 years of sobriety from alcohol. He was nearly 70 years old. That means it took him until he was about 60 to finally start to deal with the pain of his life. The pain of our human condition.

He gave a speech and then his sponsor gave a speech. But his sponsor brought up a topic that I had never heard someone be so open and honest about and something that I thought only I was going through which was money addiction. He described all of the habits and patterns of debt and spending and shared that he was free from that and was living a healthy and prosperous life and that his business had never been better.

How could this be? I thought there was no way out in my predicament.

After the group, I went up to him and he recognized me from when I was volunteering for the Celebrate Recovery Summit Conference that was held at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest that past year. He had seen how I would light up at doing any job, no matter how menial for the sake of serving, just to serve. Yes, this included sorting through trash cans to find the recyclables - a dirty job, but I was happy to do it for some reason.

He learned from me that my wife was pregnant at the time and that I was going to be a dad. I was talking with him and feeling bad that I wasn't going to be able to serve as much when I became a dad.

He told me something that was very hard to hear. "Your first ministry is at home. You need to focus on serving your wife and your family before I see you back here serving at an event."

I was so taken aback, but he was right.

His advice had nothing to do with money, but he'd pointed me in the right direction that began to unfold my current story of becoming debt free which has been to place intention, focus and mindfulness on my leadership at home.

When you show that same nurture, same patience, and same care, you're tapping into those experiences they had as children, and putting them at ease. Damn it, Sean, you're right again. The way I'm understanding this is, if I can show nurture, patience and care with my clients, friends, colleagues and neighbors, that I'm helping them feel good again like they did during their happy memories as a child. It puts them at ease.

This makes so much sense to me right now. Which is why active listening is one of the most frequently recommended aspects in the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and the Bible, to be honest.

Be patient, and find the people who put you at ease that way; those are the people you want to work with. AHHHHHHH - this one is scary. But that means my working relationships will be harmonious!? Right!?

Yes.

I'm going to propose a slight change here. Instead of want to work with, I'm going to change that to meant to work with. Whenever I find those harmonious relationships, it feels like DESTINY.

So I guess this is a really long-winded way of saying, thanks Sean.

Godspeed,

Chris Decker