Travelling as a working parent

Learn from my mistakes

I consider myself very fortunate in that I get to work remotely from home and also travel for work on occasion.

That means I am home and very around for my family - so when I’m on the road they notice it. A lot.

The kids notice it (“where is dad, he’s been gone forever” - often said end of day 1) because they miss the regular day to day touch points like meal time, bath time, tucking them into bed and others and my wife notices it because without that ever-present second pair of parental hands, everything gets harder (again I tip my hat to single parents who accomplish this and other miracles on a daily basis).

Short of taking them with you every time (which is fun at times although I do not strongly recommend and I’ll explain later why) you need a way to approach travel that won’t leave you the traveller riddled with guilt and the family at home poorly prepared for you being away, especially if you don’t travel often.

I’ve mostly travelled in my own or a similar timezone so this advice is heavily geared towards travel in those circumstances but a lot of steps are applicable even if you are travelling on the other side of the world.

Before You Travel

Assuming you don’t travel at short notice or because of a work emergency you should have some runway before you travel. Thats good because the more time you have the more you can set things up to run smoothly for your family while you’re on the road.

• Check The Dates: You need to know if there is anything major happening during your travel. There’s always “something” going on but the importance and/or ability for that something to be handled without you needs to be understood by you and your partner. If necessary and you’re able to call in reinforcements from parents/friends etc.
• Over Prepare: I’ve written previously about food and this is where a temporary level-up of whatever you normally do to feed yourselves do to help your partner at home might comes in handy. The evenings in particular are where things can go wrong so the difference between your busy partner having to shop and prepare dinner versus not can mean the difference between a good night and a very bad one.
• Lock In Talk Time: things tend to get busy when you’re travelling. You’re working hard and usually socialising after hours. 3 minute FaceTimes in a crowded restaurant isn’t likely to make anyone happy so book in set times to have these with the family at home before you go. Expectations are super clear and no one will be disappointed.
• Arrange Your Own Transportation: Do not believe your partner when they say it’s no problem to drive you to the airport with the kids on tow. It is a problem - get to and from your own train, plain or automobile by yourself.

During Travel

You’re on the road! How exciting. Here’s how to not screw it up:

• Share It! I used to suffer under the assumption that I was better off underplaying any interesting things I was doing while traveling out of fear it would leave the people at home feeling left out. Well firstly they see right through that so don’t even bother but don’t carry the negative mindset that you need to hide things from those closest to you. Share some pictures, news etc to keep people engaged in what you’re doing and put that guilt aside.
• Pick Up Treats: No this doesn’t mean you have to buy expensive gifts for everyone every time you step out the door but small things can be a nice, inexpensive touch. My kids (under 6) for example love stickers or swag from any Canva office I visit.
• Keep a Routine: It is far too easy to throw every good home habit out the window when you travel - drinking, exercise, sleep, healthy eating you name it. Sure it’s fun to travel as a care free adult temporarily but don’t go over the deep end as it will make adjusting back to home after your travel all the harder for those initial few days.
• Take the Family: if circumstances permit taking the family with you can be a lot of fun but go into this with your eyes open;

If you take the family please consider:

• You’ll be working for most or all of it so your partner will be looking after the kids and it’s unlikely to be “less work” than if they stayed at home.
• It become apparent how small most hotel rooms are when your family is crammed into one minus all the helpful stuff you left at home to keep the kids happy.
• It can be expensive in a hurry if you are forking out for additional flights, rooms, meals etc.
• Expectation setting can be hard. You are there to work and the kids think you are on holiday. Only one of those things is really true.

After Travel

You’re home! Everyone is happy to see you and you’ve hopefully had a successful and fun trip away.

• Get Stuck In: When I get home I feel pretty obligated to bring big-time parental energy the first day back. It’s the least I can do for my exhausted partner who has supported my travelling and besides, arguing the contrary is not an argument I or anyone would win. Get home, give everyone a big kiss and a hug and take over for the afternoon so your partner can have a break. You’re probably tired as well but it’s worth it.
• Focus on Quality Time: the long grass on the lawn and your hobbies can wait. Catch up on things you inevitably missed, share highlights of your own trip and reconnect with your family. You all missed each other a lot.
• Get Back to Routine: See above, hopefully this is easy not hard. I usually completely abandon exercise and proper eating for the time I am away making the week after a tough adjust but Im working on it. Generally the more you travel the better you will get at this.
• Listen and Adapt: Talk to your significant other about your travel but also about what happened while you were gone. Figure out what worked., what didn’t and what you can improve for next time.

The most important thing with all of this is twofold - communication and managing expectations. If you’re focusing on that everything else should flow naturally.

Thats all for this issue - see you next time!

Ben