Trauma- 16 Ways to Help Kids

From an article written by: Emily Bowen, Ed.M. & Amanda Mahnke, Ed.M.

A great list of ways we can help support kids in pain!

1. Take care of yourself. Working with children can be uniquely rewarding, but there is no question that it is also hard work. This is especially true of working with children exposed to trauma, violence, or adversity. Dealing with difficult behaviors can be stressful, and listening to a child’s traumatic story can be troubling in the extreme, and sometimes listeners can become vicariously traumatized (Cole et al., 2005). Vicarious trauma, also called secondary trauma, can be defined as the emotional impact of hearing trauma stories and becoming witnesses to the pain, fear, and terror that survivors have experienced, (American Counseling Association, 2011). Vicarious trauma can lead to compassion fatigue, numbness, trouble sleeping, hyper arousal, and other physical or emotional issues.

2. Reach out, connect, and support. Check in regularly with the children you encounter each day – kids exposed to trauma may become socially isolated and not receive the social support they need (Kataoka et al., 2012, p. 125). Studies have found that feeling supported by others strengthens resiliency in children (Masten, 2009).

3. Be a good listener. In your day-to-day interactions with children, listening sympathetically and respectfully shows a child that they are heard and valued. Actively listening – showing “interest, empathy, and availability” – shows a child you respect them and can prevent their social isolation (Kataoka et al., 2012, p.124).

4. Answer a child’s questions honestly but age appropriately.

5. Respect a child’s cultural background. Even if there are cultural and/or language barriers between you and a child, you can still be a supportive presence through reassuring body language and basic conversation that shows your interest (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, 2007). Ask if the child has any family/cultural traditions that make them feel happy (e.g., singing, dancing, praying) and if they would tell you about them. A strong cultural identity can be a powerful protective factor for children and should be supported (Futures Without Violence, 2013).

6. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. After experiencing a traumatic event(s), children will need to feel safe, and they will look to adults such as you for that safety (Groves, 2002). However, you cannot promise children safety because that may be impossible, especially in the case of children who live with chronic gang or community violence. But, you can use careful, specific language such as the following: “I will do everything in my power to keep you safe” (Brymer et al., 2006).

7. Reduce stress and build coping skills. Chronic stress can have a negative impact on a child’s development, but “supportive adults who create safe environments” can help children reduce chronic stress and overcome adversity (National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, Working Paper #3, 2005, p. 1). You can help a child develop his own problem-solving and coping skills to manage stress (e.g., “When I feel stressed, I [insert soothing activity]”) (Grillo & Lott, 2010).

8. Connect children to what they love. As a supportive adult in a child’s life, you can help a child identify their strengths and natural talents, and you can connect them with programs to help them develop these strengths.

9. Help children manage their emotions. Children who have experienced trauma may exhibit challenging behaviors and have difficulty seeing the connection between their behaviors, feelings, and thoughts; understanding their own emotional reactions; and reading other people’s emotions (Grillo & Lott, 2010). Recognizing and regulating one’s emotions is a key part of resilience for all children and adolescents (Payton et al., 2000). You can help build emotional health in children by teaching them to differentiate between their thoughts, emotions, and feelings (Pool, 1997).

10. Support peer relationships for children exposed to trauma. Children exposed to trauma may be reactive, impulsive, regressive, or withdrawn – characteristics that may inhibit their relationships with others, including friends (Cole et al., 2005). Inquire about the child’s friend network and help them identity friends that make them feel happy and confident (Masten, 2009).

11. Be a role model. You can be a role model for the children you interact with every day. Show them how to deal calmly and productively with any stressors that may arise in their daily lives.

12. Be a mentor. One proven way to enhance resiliency in kids is through mentoring. For children exposed to trauma, positive and nurturing relationships with adults are especially important (Cole et al., 2005).

13. Identify a child’s “anchors.” An “anchor” is a member of a child’s support network. Potential anchors can include: parents, grandparents, relatives, foster parents, siblings, mentors, parents, faith leaders, coaches, teachers, other school staff, friends, caregivers, neighbors, and others. Discovering who the child has in their life or who they look up to or trust is important to establish the strengths and weaknesses in the child’s network (Kataoka et al., 2012). You are part of this team of anchors working to create a resilient environment for this child. By sharing information and working together, this team can support a child more effectively.

14. Create calm, stable, and predictable environments. Children exposed to trauma may be hyper vigilant or in a constant state of sensory overload as they are always scanning the environment around them for possible threats. This heightened state of alertness can affect their attention and ability to engage with material at school, home, and in other settings (Cole et al., 2005). To create a calm, stable environment, minimize unnecessary noises (e.g., loud music, yelling, slamming doors, etc.) that kids exposed to trauma may find threatening or distracting. In addition, try to calm the physical environment through lower lighting; warm, soft color schemes; and inviting furniture arrangements (Grillo & Lott, 2010).

15. If a child uses challenging or difficult behavior, do not resort to shaming or isolating punishments. Acts of aggression in children may be signs of struggling to cope with trauma (National Institute of Mental Health, 2006). If a child acts aggressively, they may be testing the authority of adults for possible underlying reasons such as avoiding trauma reminders and the emotions associated with that trauma – “a sense of powerlessness and vulnerability…hypersensitivity of danger or…identification with the aggressor at home” (Cole et al., 2005). While misbehavior should not be tolerated, it should also be recognized as a potential sign of posttraumatic stress. Traumatized children exhibiting challenging behaviors need to feel safe, secure, and in control, so try to set “clear, firm limits for inappropriate behavior and develop logical – rather than punitive consequences” (National Child Traumatic Stress Network Schools Committee, 2008, p.5).

16. Be pro-active and search out child-supporting resources in your community. You are not a clinician and are not expected to provide clinical support to the child. It is important to be clear with children about your role regarding how you can and cannot help them (National Institute of Mental Health, 2006). However, you can be pro-active and find the clinical resources available in your community (local community health and mental health organizations, school social workers, faith-based organizations, child advocacy groups).

Let me know what you think.