The Trap of "Toxic Positivity

Telling Someone to "Stay Positive" in Pain is Like Putting a Bandage on a Wound Without Cleaning It.

Pain is a universal experience. At some point, everyone goes through struggles, heartbreak, or challenges that shake the ground beneath them. And when this happens, well-meaning people often say, "Stay positive."

It sounds good, doesn’t it? A quick fix. Like a bandage you can slap on and walk away. But here’s the truth: telling someone to “stay positive” in the midst of pain is like putting a bandage on a wound without cleaning it first. It might cover up the problem for a while, but underneath, the wound festers.

Let’s break this down.

The Trap of Toxic Positivity

There’s a term for this: toxic positivity. It’s the idea that positivity can fix everything. But the reality is, when you're hurting, forcing yourself to feel good doesn’t make the pain go away. It just buries it deeper.

Imagine this: You’re walking barefoot and step on a sharp piece of glass. It cuts deep, but instead of pulling it out, you put on a sock to cover it up and keep walking. Sure, the sock hides the wound, but every step reminds you that something’s wrong. Without cleaning the wound and removing the glass, you’re not healing—you’re hurting yourself more.

Emotional wounds work the same way. If you ignore the pain or mask it with positivity, it doesn’t disappear. It just sits there, waiting for the right moment to resurface.

Why Pain Needs to Be Felt

Pain has a purpose. It’s not here to destroy you but to teach you. It forces you to pause and reflect on what’s broken, what’s missing, and what needs to change. If you rush to cover it with positivity, you miss the chance to truly understand it.

Think of it like this: pain is a teacher, not a punishment. When you give yourself permission to feel it, you learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible. You learn about your strength, your boundaries, and what really matters.

A New Way to Support Others (And Yourself)

The next time someone opens up about their pain, try something different. Instead of saying, "Stay positive," try saying:

• "I hear you. That sounds hard."
• "You don’t have to have it all figured out right now."
• "I’m here if you want to talk about it."

And if it’s your own pain? Allow yourself to sit with it for a while. Journal about it. Talk to a friend. Cry if you need to. Healing starts when you acknowledge what hurts.

The Takeaway

Positivity has its place, but it’s not the solution for everything. True healing happens when you face your pain, not when you hide it. So, the next time you or someone you care about is hurting, remember: you don’t have to put on a happy face. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is sit with your pain and let it teach you how to heal.

Because healing isn’t about covering the wound—it’s about cleaning it first.