The Trap of “It’s Natural”
Jeff Nischwitz (he/his/him)
Consigliere, Performance Coach, People Whisperer, Snow Globe Shaker ... Lover of bold red wine ?? .. Cuban cigars .. Hearty bourbon ?? .. Broadway theater ??
Recently, I was sharing with a friend about how I reacted to a certain situation and was trying to understand the reasons for my reaction. My friend responded, “Well of course you’d respond that way – it’s only natural.”
But what if no reactions are actually natural? What if our reactions and responses to people and situations are based upon our past experiences, previous examples, our own self worthiness and our unique interpretation of people and situations? In fact, I would suggest that our reactions in many cases are based upon the false belief that there are natural reactions to people, events and circumstances.
While we may have some natural instincts (such as flight or fight response), they usually only come online when we feel threatened. Not everyone feels threatened for the same reasons or in the same situations. This indicates to me that a response or reaction is not natural; it’s uniquely personal.
Believing that so many reactions are natural, makes them acceptable and it gives us an excuse to justify many forms of behavior that don’t serve our relationships, our teams or our organizations. For now, the starting point is to drop the excuse of “its natural” and, instead, take responsibility for our words and actions (and especially our reactions to people and circumstances).