On Transitions & the in-between

Friday practice #3 – Week 4/2024

This is #3 of my newly started practice of sharing and (un)learning, publicly.

This week's emerging theme and today’s reflections are about transitions, the in-between, and learning to be ok with betweenness.

“I’m in transition.”

I heard myself saying this repeatedly throughout the last year when people asked me what I do, where I live, where I’m going, and in which box they might place me. A friend jokingly asked if “Umbruch” (German for turmoil, change) has become a hobby of mine. Well, some of the changes I co-created, some intentionally, others subconsciously, and others “happened to me”: Some as brutal wake-ups and shake-ups, others more gentle. The last 2 years, life was full of many Endings and New Beginnings, after a period of safety and stability: Moving out of the “rigidity trap” (check out the wonderful practice of the Ecocycle) and walking a "pathless path" rather than following other's path, led to many small and big life changes: In relationships, activities, career/jobs, loss of a parent, moving cities, and countries, communities and this within a period of increasing societal and environmental change and turmoil, and a constant state of (perma)crisis.

Paradoxically, a period of loss of external stability, while gaining internal stability and working towards alignment of my work and life, my values and activities.

Amid all this, it's not confidence or being performative on-stage that provides a safe harbor, but rather (self-)trust and a sense of inner knowing, and brave spaces that allow for intimacy and rehumanizing the transitional, the liminal. Admitting to not have answers on what, where, and how, or not knowing what's next, feels vulnerable, and "unproductive" in the market sense. It also feels alive, rich, and expansive: Full of opportunities and potential.

It’s dawning on me, that being in transition is not a phase, but life, a way of life, a mindset. Most of our life, if we dare or must step out of our comfort zone where everything is familiar, is about being in the “in-between”, in transition, always.

Life transitions are challenging because they force us to let go of the familiar and face the future with a feeling of vulnerability. Most life transitions begin with a string of losses: The loss of a role. The loss of a person. —?Richard B. Joelsen

In a heartfelt remote coffee chat with Irene Laochaisri , she mirrored how it’s a skill to go through transitions, being willing to let go and start anew and fresh. We talked about how we often don’t give ourselves enough time and space for these transitions, and rush from one to the next. I used to do that, too. Yet in recent times, I realized how I needed time to process, experience, reflect, integrate, and find the ground under my feet after shaking up my foundations. First, the transitions started internally. Then externally. Then as leaps of faith, step after step. It feels nice to arrive at some shore again, after being out on the sea for a while. Following the water metaphor: Well, how can I be(come) like water, instead of swimming from shore to shore, boat to boat, milestone to milestone?

Diving into the world and practice of the Mixed Movement Art Budokon (BU "warrior" ? DO "way" ? KON "spirit", the way of the warrior spirit), a modern blend of martial arts and hatha yoga, I learned to pay attention to transitions: The practice focuses on the transitions into and out of each posture, rather than holding a static pose for an extended period. This strong, fluid flow paves the way to develop mental focus and physical precision in a present state of mind – a practice that reminds me of articulating, and not rushing through transitions.

Transitions: A skill. A state of mind. A way of living. The art of living (Aniche – for all fellow Vipassana friends). A muscle to practice, individually and collectively. Meditation, Moving Meditation, being in nature, being in flow, being in the NOW, admitting not knowing, creative expression, and community help with embracing the transitional, the liminal, and being in between: With more grace and inner peace. But also self-compassion when things are confusing, rough, and messy!

Because it is messy.

Reading about transitions, I realized that there's a difference between change and transition: Change is the event, a moment in time – e.g. moving to a new home, leaving a job, becoming a parent or a caretaker –?and that transition is the process that unfolds before, during and after the change event. Transition is the human, internal side and adaptation to change, and in this process, we are transformed.

“Change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation or self-redefinition that you have to go through to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won’t work, because it doesn’t take.” — William Bridges

William and Susan Bridges research and consult on transitions, in businesses, for management leaders. In their work and books, they share a framework and model framing that every transition is a three-phase process:

an ending (grieving the loss of what used to be)

a neutral zone (that period of uncertainty between the old and the new), and

a New Beginning (launching the new adventure)

It’s comforting to have a neat linear framework, but often it feels more messy, and circular, taking one step forward, and two steps back, with transitions overlapping and with a lag of physical, emotional, and psychological responses. There's no end date for grieving a loss or regretting a path not taken – yet it helps to know, that we can go through the toughest transitions and that it happens in phases. And that with every loss, we also expand. We grieve and grow. How can we hold space for both, for the Pain of endings and the magic of New Beginnings? And how can we embrace and lean into the Neutral Zone, the in-between?

“The essence of life takes place in the neutral zone phase of transition. It is in that interim spaciousness that all possibilities, creativity and innovative ideas can come to life and flourish.” — Susan Bridges

How often did we hear / or hear us saying: “When it’s over, then …” motivating us to push through changes and transitions as fast as possible. I’m wondering: Why do we so desperately need to move through something, to get from A to B, to get from dot to dot? Why can’t we enjoy and embrace and share how we are drawing the line that is connecting the dots? Why can't we be present for each other in times of hard transitions, holding space and letting each other know: It's ok, I see you, I hear you. “The in-between” that often feels uncomfortable… how can we relax into the in-between, and accept it as a space of possibility, of innovation, of creativity? Can we welcome the process, not the milestones and results? Can we embrace the relationships between ideas, the connections, and the moment?

Change and transitions are not easy, often they feel painful, confusing, hard, and rough. Yet: Since living in Portugal I developed an almost daily ritual of stepping out, taking a break, and marveling at the sunset. In awe. Nature is not just flipping the switch and rushing from light to dark / from day to night, but pulls off the most miraculous color show one can imagine! Going through transitions with grace and beauty, celebrating the change and the in-between, and helping me to be present. I think 80% of my photostreams are pictures of sunsets, a funny attempt of trying to "capture" the ephemeral beauty of transitions in a snapshot in time. Capture vs. experience. Capture vs. immersing. Capture vs. letting go ... I'm wondering how different mediums and creative practices allow us to explore and work with the in-between, the liminal, the transient, the fading.

Can we learn from nature, who’s masterfully celebrating transitions, every day?

I'm very excited about the launch of the book THE OVERVIEW –?Meditations on Nature for a World in Transition by Willow Defebaugh .

Check out An Introduction to The Overview Book | Atmos

Contemplating about transitions, I wonder:

Does the caterpillar know it will become a butterfly? Does it get frustrated in the transition, does it rush through it, or surrender to change as it unfolds?

Another thought or observation about transitions – the transition between sleeping and being awake: I’m not the morning person who directly jumps out of bed when the alarm rings. Yes, guilty, of hitting the snooze button, often … But what I observed writing my morning pages, a practice highlighted in Julia Cameron's Book The Artist’s Way, is that in this liminal space, during dusk or dawn, I can be most creative, most fluid, more in touch with the soul.

Some questions or inquiries I’m pondering about, and sparks of inspiration and shoutouts for this week.

How might we embrace and intentionally experience transitions, instead of feeling frustrated or trying to rush through them?

? A small offering or side project that I created between the years was about going through a transitional time more intentionally: I was curious about it for myself and then turned it into a collective experience inviting friends and friends of friends to go through the "Rauhn?chte" together, the 12 nights between Dec 24th and Jan 6th more consciously and connected. Shoutout to everyone who engaged and joined the experience, sharing wishes, intentions, and space.

How can we support each other in the big/small transitions we’re facing?

????An inspiration is Judit Sáez Gonzálvez who started a WhatsApp group for everyone facing career transitions and finding jobs with social or environmental impact: A beautiful example of holding space for emergence and how we can support each other with generosity and vulnerability.

?? This week I joined a really valuable and inspiring online session called "Humanizing the Climate Job Search" with Radhika Bhatt . Radhika is supporting people transitioning into the climate space with practical, inspiring, and creative tools and embodies an iterative, human, and emergent strategy mindset.

We need systems level transformation in every sector, in every town, in every community. In order to see this happen, we must also be willing to transform ourselves. — Radhika

How can we create and hold space for endings as well as new beginnings?

?? I’m excited to start reading the book Hospizing Modernity by Vanessa Machado de Oliveira and discuss it as part of a book club-ish exchange with Rachel Taylor . Thank you for inviting and inspiring me and shoutout for starting your Substack. You can read and subscribe to Enlivened & Entangled here

How can we design transitions?

I’d love to hear from or follow any Transition Designers, let me know if you have any contacts or work on Transition Design, or ask yourself similar questions. I'm curious to learn more and explore designing for endings and transitions towards smaller / softer / slower rather than following the bigger / stronger / faster growth narrative. And learning how nature and life do transitions.

That's it for today's reflection and writing practice. Have a wonderful weekend. And enjoy the transitions. the endings. the new beginnings. the ever-possible now.

P.S. I don't like small talk, and questions such as “What do you do, where are you from, what have you achieved, ...”. I will try to shift conversations away from milestones to the journey. So instead, I will ask questions about transitions:

“What change are you currently facing?”

“How are you experiencing the transition you are currently in?”

“Tell me more about what’s ending, what you’re letting go of?”