Transition Troubles: In the pursuit of relevance

In the pursuit of relevance: Transition Troubles

Undiagnosed depression, Anxiety and PTSD are rife within the veteran’s community. The veteran suicide rate in 2018 alone, reached a hideous figure of 54; averaging 1.03 suicides per week. What is most shocking, is this has more than doubled since 2013, where a study conducted on veteran suicide rates, revealed on average one every two weeks; Again, a harrowing statistic.

I intend for this article to provide hope and self-belief, to those perhaps going or gone through the transition from military to civilian, or in fact anyone going through troubled times. I intend to bring to life the realities and mindset I experienced upon the lead up to, and after medical discharge.

My own military journey began, when I walked into the career’s office, fresh faced and merely twenty years old. An impressive white Georgian style building displaying the Union Jack, which proudly hung upon its apex. I initially wanted to become a Royal Naval bomb disposal diver, but within 10 minutes of being there, I held the application form to become a Royal Marines Commando. I had cracked (completed) five pull ups and was sent away to fill out the rest of the paper work. I brought it home and was so excited to tell my grandparents, and in particular my late grandfather about the experience. Within 2 days I had the application filled and returned.

Moving forward in time, I had completed the psychometric, physical and medical testing, allowing me to conduct the PRMC (Potential Royal Marines Commando Course). A 3-day period of the hardest physical and mental testing I had ever personally experienced in my life to date; and I loved it, passing the course which allowed me access to the hardest infantry training in the world; the infamous thirty-two-week Royal Marines Commando training.

The first two to three weeks were a white wash, which had me feeling like a startled rabbit in headlights. It was intense to say the least. But things were going great up until week 21 where I unfortunately collapsed on the bottom field – about the hardest obstacle course any one will ever do – only to be medevac’d to the sick bay where I had a temperature of 40.5c and later diagnosed with glandular fever.

My diagnosis put a major stumbling block on my aspirations to be an ‘original’; the name given to someone who makes it through training with their original troop they inducted with. I was out for 3 months, but through sheer determination ensured I got myself back into my target troop. Eventually passing out in the winter of 2008, and within a matter of weeks, I found myself on the frontline in Afghanistan as a battle casualty replacement, where the section (8 men) had lost their second in command, LCpl Ben Whatley on Christmas Day. I found it extremely hard to integrate due to the ferociousness of the tour. Bonds had already been established, and the well-seasoned and tight section who had lost a brother; a brother whose boots I then filled. It was a difficult tour, and one in which I saw an incredible amount of action; changing from that fresh-faced boy, to a battle hardened marine.

Fast forward some years, and after further tours of Libya and Somaliland, a trained as an intelligence analyst, and completed my second tour of Afghanistan. Further tours that would shape me into the person I am to this day. But after all that, I still hadn’t had enough, and found myself back in recruit training; only this time under Commission as a member of the Royal Marines officers’ batch; and back to being treated like a day one, week one recruit again. An unpleasant shock to the system and one I had great difficulty in overcoming in my mind.

During the early weeks of training, my wife and I were awaiting results of our first IVF treatment, as we had five years previously, been trying for children and with no success. Unfortunately, we had a miscarriage which brought untold upset to my wife and I; a further burden upon my shoulders as I went through training double the length of the initial thirty-two weeks. With a tenacious mindset, we attempted IVF again the following year, but sadly again to no avail.

Officer training was difficult, and I was personally challenged with going after my commission whilst balancing family life; a stressful endeavour and one I look back on with pride but resentment. During the later phases of Officer training I unfortunately picked up a devastating injury. An injury which would end my incredible career there and then. You’re probably thinking there is a trend rising here.

I had two years of surgery, rehabilitation and misery; truly testing my grit. However, within that period and after our fourth attempt at IVF, we succeeded! And today I am blessed with my daughter… and her brother… yes, a massive surprise to us as well.

Within a blink of an eye, I was stood at my medical board, where the high-ranking naval officers cast their decision upon my career. Outcome – discharged. Their decision hit me like a freight train. I had a rough plan and had conducted several project courses ensuring I was set up for the worst. The problem, the worst did happen, and my plan wasn’t watertight. With ten days before discharge, I still had no job, I’d just purchased a new house and my son was due within the month. Times were bad, both in life and in my mind. By this time, I had pushed out two-hundred job applications to receive only one interview. Apparently, I owned no value to add in the corporate civilian world; and I was beginning to believe that myself. Something I didn’t realise it at the time, but this was corrosive and preventing my potential future successes.

Once you begin to believe something in your mind, it grows. Your mind is like fertile soil. It doesn’t care what you plant, but whatever you choose to plant will grow in abundance. Of course, I speak from experience now, but then I didn’t see a route out.

Things didn’t improve, once we finally moved into the property we found a note in the draw explaining the house was condemned due to a gas leak. It felt like I had my gut ripped out of me. Let’s recap; no job (two-hundred and fifty-six job applications by this point). A new baby in addition to our first. My wife was on maternity, and now no house to live in. My mind was about to explode, and I felt myself losing the grip; in a place some would consider rock bottom.  

I needed help. I immediately phoned and researched every charity I could. RBL, Officers Association, Help for Heroes and SSAFA. The help didn’t immediately come, but after about six weeks I met with my mentor Alex McLeod. With his help and guidance, I transformed my life within five weeks. Within eight, I had secured myself a role within a major consultancy firm in London. I had finally found relevance, adding value at every turn of the wheel. It’s difficult to explain to a potential employer that ‘whatever task you give me, if I cannot personally achieve it, I will find a way in which it can be done’. This doesn’t translate overly well, but ironically is something they all want to hear.

Since that time, and in the space of two years I have gained two promotions and moved consultancy. In addition to that, with my now business partner Ben Williams, we have created an incredible company with a very impressive client set; a list I have to pinch myself about sometimes. One which sees us to deliver to some of the world’s biggest corporations, individuals and sports teams.

But what sets us apart, seeing us moving from strength to strength? Answer; our belief system. We use an equation in our business: direction + belief + action = momentum and results. With everything that happened to me, I could have become depressed (linked to disappointment), anxious (fear of the future) or suffered with PTSD (difficulty with learning how to process traumatic events). Choice is a key factor in so much of what we do. Although our emotional biases often distort and disrupt our ability to see a clear path. Once you are able to detach emotion, a power place forms which is made up from the analytical element of the brain. I choose this route, or I choose another. However, results are often not recognised overnight, but to realise them over time, pays the best interest. The journey is what ultimately builds you or destroys you. Remember that belief is the fundamental to succeeding.

I hope through my story, and whatever situation or stage you are in now, you find some commonalities between you and I. Finding the strength to persevere through whatever it is you find yourself in.

I’m with you the entire way.

Antony Thompson