The transformative power of pain

In Tantric circles, it is easy to find discussions around pleasure. In the Sri Vidya lineage through which I study, the seventh principle is called The Transformative Power of Pleasure. And if you’re more active in neo-Tantric practices, it can feel like the entirety of its existence is built upon expanding sensual and sexual pleasure.

If you get around to asking about pain, many folks will tell you that pleasure and pain exist together. But even with that acknowledgment, many folks prefer to work within the bounds of pleasure.

I get it, pleasure is PLEASURE.

Pleasure can manifest (for me) as chocolate cake and hot coffee, the air after a rain shower, or amazing sex with a beloved.

Pain manifests as sobbing on the bed alone, feelings of failure, imposter syndrome, grief, or dropping a sharp crystal directly on my toe’s cuticle in the middle of a client consultation!

So often we numb ourselves out of pain with food, habits, pills, alcohol, etc. And in doing so we unwittingly numb ourselves out of pleasure as well.

The thing is… if pleasure and pain do exist together, then every attempt we make to limit pain only serves to put limitations around how we receive pleasure.

What if you chose to welcome pain in your life

What would happen if you stopped pushing pain away?

What would happen if you faced the pain and welcomed it into your consciousness? What would happen if you sat in your stillness and opened up to grief, sadness, or loneliness?

What I’ve noticed is that when I allow my body to open up and receive pain in a safe container, I experience radical shifts in awareness around what I am capable of. When I allow pain to enter in an embodied experiment, the edges of my humanity begin to expand.

I spent most of life putting strict boundaries around pain. I had severe rules about when, were, why, and how it could show up.

And when it chose to show up in places that weren’t within my rules, I suffered immensely. I suffered because I was using my energy to hold it in a way that it didn’t want to be held - and of course, it spilled out onto me and those around me.

What I’ve learned in this work is that the pain doesn’t cause suffering. What causes me to suffer is when I push back and set limits as to how the pain can manifest in my body.

Welcome pain in and find your path toward contentment, satisfaction, and joy

When I say, “welcome pain into your body” I am not suggesting that you let it run unbridled through your system. I’m suggesting that you approach it as an experiment.

The first principle in the Sri Vidya lineage of Tantra (as outlined by Swami Ravi in the book Kali Rising) is Everything Is an Experiment (you can listen to my podcast on this principle here). In that spirit, we bring consciousness and curiosity to everything we do.

We set a container in which to do the experiment, we negotiate how we will run the experiment, we run the experiment, and then we gather the data.

I might suggest running an abridged version of the Three-Minute Game (podcast here with the creator of the game) with your pain. Go into meditation, locate your pain in your body, and simply ask it “What can I do for you for three minutes?” And then, when you get a response (sometimes it takes a minute or two), take three minutes and give your pain what it asked for.

Maybe it simply wants to cry or yell or scream. Maybe it wants to tell you something. Or it might just want to show up more fully in your body.

Whatever it is, honor your pain and let it come through.

Pain can be easier to access than pleasure

In my experience, pain can be easier to access and experiment with compared to pleasure.

When I talk to folks about expanding pain and pleasure, most think they have a pretty good handle on the pleasure part. I mean, how hard can it be to expand pleasure!? Who wouldn’t want that?!

Turns out - a lot of people have a very hard time with it.

Most of the folks I see can only experience a few seconds of pure pleasure before their egos start to put up resistance. That resistance often looks like an idea to do something different, a thought about what’s coming next, a hand coming up to grab the other person.

Most of us simply cannot receive pleasure for very long without putting up some resistance. We are conditioned to be like this.

And while most of us aren’t conditioned to welcome pain into our bodies, I do find that there are fewer expectations around it.

Setting up an experiment around pleasure and erotic energy may bring to mind any number of images that you have created or collected in your lifetime. But talk about an experiment where you sit in the pain of your divorce - there’s not going to be as much competition for your thoughts.

This gives you the freedom to expand and explore with less resistance. And while it may not seem like much fun, the expansion you feel from inviting pain into your body will also open your ability to receive pleasure.

They go together.

Working with me 1-1 around your pain

If you’re interested in exploring this work more in-depth, reach out, send an email, set up a consultation. I work 1-1 with clients and nothing excites me more than someone who is excited (and nervous) to dive deeper into their bodies.

Set up a consultation here: https://adamnicholson.co/consultation