The Transformative Power of Coaching: A Journey of Growth for Both Sides

Pain is like a storm—chaotic, unsettling, and demanding attention. Agony is like a thunderclap, loud and impossible to ignore. Yet, deep within the storm lies a profound lesson: it often takes courage and a willingness to step into the tempest to emerge lighter, more transparent, and free from what no longer serves us.

A few weeks ago, I was in a coaching session with a client who felt she’d lost her natural spark. She described it as carrying layers of emotions—grief, self-doubt, and frustration—each at a magnitude she could no longer manage.

As we dived into the conversation, I could sense a shift—not just in her but within myself. Coaching is never one-sided; every session is a mirror reflecting something to both the coach and the coachee. In helping her release what wasn’t serving her, I grew in my capacity to hold space, be present, and let silence be a partner in discovery.

The Art of Listening

One of the most profound competencies of coaching is listening—truly listening. Research by Dr. Guy Itzchakov and colleagues shows that people who feel deeply heard experience a 40% reduction in emotional stress, leading to better decision-making and stronger human connections. Listening isn’t just transactional; it’s transformational.

As coaches, when we listen intently—beyond words, roles, and titles—we build bridges where walls once stood. In that session, I realised how listening helped my client untangle her thoughts and empowered her to make peace with the emotions she had been suppressing. Listening allowed me to learn more about the complexity of human emotions and our shared need to feel seen and valued.

How often do we truly listen—not to reply, but to understand?

When Life Brings Us to Identity Crossroads

At the heart of her struggle was a more profound question: “Who am I now?”

Certain life situations—personal loss, professional transitions, or even moments of quiet self-reflection—can thrust us into a state of identity flux. Thoughts like, “Am I still the same person?” or “I am what I am—so why does that feel uncomfortable?” often bring with them an unsettling mix of confusion and discomfort.

But here’s the insight: this discomfort is not a sign of failure—it’s a signal of profound transformation. Identity shifts are a natural part of growth, often requiring us to reevaluate our values, beliefs, and sense of self. Nonjudgmental conversations provide a safe space to explore these questions easily, empowering clients to reconnect with who they are.

The Role of Personal Values and Beliefs

Personal values are like the roots of a tree—they ground us in our decisions, behaviours, and actions. When these values are questioned or no longer align with our current reality, it can feel like the ground beneath us is shifting.

In coaching, we help clients examine these shifts, asking:

• When you reflect on the decisions and actions that feel most aligned with you, what themes or principles seem to guide them?
• As you think about your journey, are moments or choices particularly meaningful or impactful? What might they reveal about what matters most to you?
• In what areas of your life do you feel like you're holding onto ideas or habits that may no longer fit who you are becoming?
• As you look ahead, who do you imagine yourself growing into, and what might that person’s actions and choices reflect?

This process is powerful. Studies suggest that reframing outdated beliefs and practising new thought patterns can enhance resilience, improve decision-making, and deepen one’s sense of identity.

Practicing New Skills and Embodying Change

Awareness is the first step, but transformation takes practice. Adopting new beliefs and behaviours requires consistent effort. Research by Phillippa Lally at University College London found that, on average, it takes 66 days to form a habit. However, the range varies from 18 to 254 days based on the behaviour’s complexity. Sustained practice over 6 months is often required to fully internalise new ways of being.

Indicators of actual change include:

• A clearer sense of identity: Feeling more aligned with your authentic self.
• Reduced internal conflict: Harmony between values and actions.
• Increased confidence: Trust in navigating challenges with clarity.

Coaching is never a one-sided process. Every session offers the coach and the coachee opportunities for discovery and transformation. For my client, our session became a turning point for her to confront her identity flux and embrace who she is becoming. It deepened my understanding of what it means to hold space for someone’s transformation.

Embracing Transformation

If you’re experiencing discomfort about your identity, know that it’s a sign of growth. Questions, uncertainty, and even moments of doubt are all part of the journey to becoming your truest self. Coaching is a partnership that guides this evolution, helping you navigate the storm and emerge stronger, more transparent, and more connected to who you are.

When was the last time you truly listened—to yourself or someone else? How did it transform your perspective?

#ExecutiveCoaching #GrowthMindset #ValuesAndBeliefs #HumanConnections #LeadershipDevelopment

Sources:

• Itzchakov, G., & Kluger, A. N. (2017). Can holding your tongue make you a better listener? Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
• Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2009). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology.
• Kross, E., & Ayduk, ?. (2011). Making meaning out of negative experiences by self-distancing. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 20(3), 187-191.