Transformation

In high school, I felt like I ruled the world. I excelled in academics and was president of clubs. I felt like I was the sh*t. A couple years later in college, though, professors no longer praised me for my work and I felt unintelligent compared to my peers.  I no longer knew the answer to all the questions asked in class and everyone was a club president in high school. It felt like they knew everything and had already figured out their path, and I was still struggling to find out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. I went from feeling like the sh*t to feeling like sh*t.

I soon started to compare myself to other people.  And I wanted to better myself, not for the sake of my own growth and development, but for the sake of simply being better than others. I soon found myself constantly worrying that I was falling behind and would not be able to catch up. I remember thinking, at times, my friend already has an internship at X prestigious firm, why don’t I? What am I doing wrong?

Eventually, that negative way of thinking drained the positive energy out of me and I knew I had to make some fundamental changes to my attitude. After listening to Ted talks and researching, I decided to slow down and listen to my heart and intuition more.  I have always known to make sure I listen and learn from others, but until that point I never realized that I should listen to my heart and understand what I truly want from life. Instead of participating in clubs that look good on a resume, I now participate in activities that I truly enjoy and I know I can add value to. Now when I take classes, I don’t beat myself up for not knowing the answer, but try to learn and gather knowledge to deepen my understanding 

 When I told some of my close friends my realization, after the initial eye-roll, they questioned whether I was going to lose my edge or Type-A personality; but in many ways I feel like I have enhanced my ability to focus and reach my goals.  By not worrying about what other people think or are doing, I am able to channel all my energy on matters I find important. Now I focus only on what I can control and what I believe will move me closer to what I want, both professionally and personally, to achieve in life. 

 Talking to my friends and peers, I came to realize this experience wasn’t an anomaly but rather a process many people go through.  I learned that my development is part of the journey of life and figuring out who you are as an individual.