Transformation and Ontological Enquiry-Why You Need an Ontological Coach

Introduction

Have you ever felt like you're living someone else's life? You've achieved success by society's standards, but deep down, there's a nagging feeling that you're not being true to yourself. You dream of making a bold change—starting a new career, following a passion, or changing your relationships—but every time you get close, something holds you back. You retreat to the safety of your routine, even though you know you're capable of more. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. This struggle between who you are and who you want to be is what ontological coaching is all about. It's a powerful way to break free from limiting habits and step into your true potential. In this article, we'll explore how ontological coaching can transform your life and why you might need an ontological coach to guide you on this journey.

Martin Heidegger, a famous 20th-century philosopher, explored what it means to live an authentic life. He introduced ideas that are central to ontological coaching, such as Dasein (the authentic self), Das Man (the conforming self), turning away, the nothing, and the clearing. These ideas help us understand how we can transform our lives through ontological enquiry.

• Dasein represents our potential to be our true selves, beyond the roles and expectations society puts on us.
• Das Man is the part of us that follows social norms and expectations, often at the cost of being true to ourselves.
• Turning away is our natural tendency to avoid discomfort. Instead of facing difficult truths, we often retreat into routines, habits, or socially accepted behaviors.
• The nothing represents the uncertainty of life—the realisation that there are no fixed meanings or guarantees. Facing this can be unsettling, but it also creates space for transformation.
• The clearing is a state of openness where we can see ourselves and our circumstances clearly, without the influence of past assumptions or social conditioning. It is in the clearing that we discover new possibilities for being.
• Ontological enquiry is the process of exploring these ideas through deep questioning. It involves looking inward to examine our thoughts, feelings, and ways of being, creating a deeper awareness and understanding of ourselves.

Ontological enquiry, supported by an ontologically trained coach, helps individuals move beyond old habits, step into the clearing, and discover their true potential. This article explores how turning away from deeper inquiry holds us back and how being challenged in a coaching context can be transformative.

The Power of Ontological Enquiry

Ontological enquiry is a powerful process that helps individuals explore the deeper aspects of their being. For example, I once worked with a client who felt stuck in their career. Through ontological enquiry, we uncovered their deeper fear of failure, which was holding them back from pursuing a role they were passionate about. By addressing this fear and stepping into the clearing, they were able to make the career change they truly desired. By looking inward and questioning our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can gain new insights and make meaningful changes in our lives.

Turning Away from Authenticity

Martin Heidegger talks about turning away as a natural human tendency to avoid facing deeper truths. Instead of confronting discomfort, many people turn away and retreat to comfort, routine, or social norms—what Heidegger calls Das Man or "the They-self."

Turning away is a form of self-protection. It protects us from feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and the unknown. Facing our deepest fears or unrealized potential can feel destabilizing, which often makes us avoid deeper reflection.

However, turning away limits our growth. I remember working with a client who was avoiding an important conversation with their partner. By exploring their discomfort, we realized they were afraid of being vulnerable. Once they faced this fear, and created clarity and commitment on who they wanted to be in the conversation, they were able to communicate openly and strengthen their relationship. Turning away keeps us in our comfort zones, making choices that are convenient rather than those that align with our true values and authentic self. We end up living inauthentically, disconnected from our real potential and purpose.

The Role of the Ontologically Trained Coach

Ontological coaching is about exploring and shifting the ways of being that shape how we see, experience and interact with the world. By changing how we perceive and respond to life, we can transform our experience and create new possibilities for action.

A coach trained in ontological enquiry understands that growth involves facing discomfort and can recognize when a client is avoiding deeper questions. The coach’s skill lies in knowing when and how to challenge these habits in a supportive way that encourages transformation without overwhelming the client.

The coach’s role is to create a safe environment where clients feel supported to face discomfort. For instance, I worked with a client who was resistant to discussing their insecurities at work. By creating a safe space and gently pushing them to explore these feelings, they eventually gained the confidence to address their concerns and improve their work relationships. It's about balancing compassion with the courage to push back against resistance. The coach serves as both a mirror and a guide, helping clients recognize when they are turning away and inviting them to move toward their true selves.

Overcoming Resistance to Change

Resistance to change is natural, but it often keeps us stuck in old habits. Ontological coaching helps individuals recognize and overcome this resistance, moving them toward a more authentic way of being.

Challenging the Turning Away

Challenging a client who is turning away doesn’t mean forcing them or overwhelming them. It means holding them accountable to the goals they have expressed—reminding them of what they care about and the commitment they made to themselves.

Here are some ways a coach can effectively challenge a client to move beyond turning away:

1. Naming the Resistance: When the coach notices the client avoiding a topic or retreating from a difficult question, they can name the resistance. By saying, "I notice this seems uncomfortable, and it looks like you might be stepping away from it. What’s coming up for you?" the coach invites the client to explore their resistance.
2. Holding Space for Discomfort: Growth is uncomfortable, and that discomfort is part of the process. The coach’s role is to hold space for this discomfort, reassuring the client that it’s okay to feel anxious or uncertain. By normalizing these feelings, the coach helps clients see that discomfort is a sign they are engaging with something important.
3. Reconnecting to Commitment: When the client turns away, the coach can help them reconnect with their original commitment. This might involve asking, "What was important to you about doing this work?" or "How does this connect to the person you want to be?" This helps the client see the value in persisting through discomfort.
4. Offering Gentle Pushback: When clients rationalize avoidance, the coach may offer gentle pushback. This could involve questioning the stories the client tells themselves: "Is this really true, or is this a way to keep yourself safe from going deeper?" The goal is not to create defensiveness but to help clients see how they limit themselves through avoidance.
5. Ontological Inquiry to Create a Clearing: One of the most powerful tools in ontological coaching is ontological enquiry. Through deep questions, the coach helps the client enter a mental and emotional space called "the clearing." The clearing is a space of openness where clients can let go of preconceived notions, see things clearly, and consider new possibilities. This requires asking questions that go beyond surface thinking: "Who are you being in this situation? What would it look like to respond authentically rather than reactively?"

The Importance of the Clearing

The clearing is central to Heidegger’s philosophy. It represents a state of openness and clarity where individuals can see themselves without the influence of socially constructed roles or automatic responses. The clearing is where authentic transformation can happen because it allows us to see ourselves and our situation without the distortions created by habits or fear.

For a client, entering the clearing means stepping beyond the stories they tell themselves about who they are and what is possible. It involves letting go of the pressure to conform and standing in the uncertainty of groundlessness. In this openness, true insights emerge, and new ways of being can be discovered.

Why the Balance Between Challenge and Support Matters

The balance between challenging a client and supporting them is crucial. If the coach challenges too aggressively, the client may shut down or feel overwhelmed. In ontological coaching, the challenge is meant to invite rather than force. It aims to draw the client into the clearing, encouraging them to engage with discomfort while knowing they are supported. This balance fosters safety and trust, which are essential for taking the risks needed for transformation.

Practical Example of Challenging vs. Turning Away

Consider a client who wants to change careers but keeps avoiding meaningful action. I once coached someone who kept finding reasons to delay applying for jobs. By exploring their hesitation, we found that they feared rejection. By addressing this fear and using ontological enquiry, they were able to take the first step and eventually landed a job they were excited about. They may repeatedly say it’s not the right time or it’s too risky. In this case, the coach might see that the client is turning away from their commitment.

A coach might say, "I notice that each time we talk about this career change, there’s a reason why it’s not possible. I wonder if there’s something underneath this—maybe a fear or a belief about yourself—that’s making it hard to move forward?" This names the resistance while creating an opportunity for the client to explore what’s truly holding them back.

The coach might then use ontological enquiry: "Who are you being when you decide to stay where you are? Who would you need to be to take the first step toward this change?" These questions invite the client into the clearing, where they can confront not just the practicalities of change but also their own fears and identity.

Ontological Enquiry with Teams in Organizations

Ontological enquiry also has powerful applications for teams and organizations. Teams often face challenges related to dynamics, conflicting priorities, and misaligned values. By using ontological enquiry, teams can explore the underlying ways of being that shape their interactions and effectiveness. I once worked with a team that struggled with communication and trust. Through ontological enquiry, we uncovered that the team's mood was one of resignation. By shifting this mood to one of possibility, the team began to communicate more openly and collaborate more effectively.

• Creating a Shared Clearing: Teams can benefit from creating a shared clearing, setting aside preconceived ideas to create an open space where all members can express their perspectives. In this open space, teams can address challenges authentically and co-create solutions aligned with their values.
• Addressing Team Moods: Teams, like individuals, operate within certain moods—such as resignation, anxiety, or ambition. Ontological enquiry helps teams identify and shift these moods, creating a culture that fosters creativity, collaboration, and resilience.
• Aligning with Organizational Values: Teams often struggle when individual motivations don’t align with the group’s values. Through ontological enquiry, teams can align their ways of being with the organization’s mission, creating a more cohesive and motivated group.
• Challenging the Team's Turning Away: Teams may also experience a collective "turning away"—avoiding conflict, ignoring problems, or resisting change. A coach skilled in ontological enquiry can help the team confront these issues in a supportive way, inviting them to step into a shared clearing for meaningful transformation.

The use of ontological enquiry with teams helps create a culture of authenticity, responsibility, and collaboration. It allows organizations to address deeper issues that often go unspoken, leading to more resilient and high-performing teams.

3 Ontological Questions to Ask Yourself Today

Ontological enquiry is not just something that happens in a coaching session—you can start this journey on your own by asking powerful questions. Here are three ontological questions to reflect on today:

1. Who am I being right now?

Consider how you are showing up in your daily life. Are you acting in a way that aligns with your values and aspirations, or are you simply following routines and expectations?

2. What am I turning away from?

Reflect on the areas of your life where you might be avoiding discomfort. Is there a challenging conversation, decision, or truth that you are hesitant to face? What might happen if you confronted it?

3. What possibilities could open up if I stepped into the clearing?

Imagine letting go of your fears and assumptions. What new opportunities or possibilities could emerge if you were to step into a state of openness and authenticity?

Conclusion: Moving Beyond Turning Away

Are you ready to take the next step in your personal or professional journey? Working with an ontological coach can help you uncover deeper truths about yourself, transform your way of being, and create a life that aligns with your true values. If this resonates with you, reach out for a conversation. Let's explore how ontological coaching can support you or your team in making meaningful changes. Feel free to comment below or connect with me directly to start the journey toward your authentic self.

Ontological enquiry is a powerful tool for helping clients move beyond turning away from discomfort and into authentic engagement with their lives. By working with an ontologically trained coach, clients are guided through a process that balances challenge and support, allowing them to confront fears and step into the clearing where true transformation can happen. This balance helps clients embrace the discomfort needed for growth while ensuring they feel safe and supported.

Ultimately, ontological coaching helps clients move beyond automatic, socially conditioned ways of being that limit their potential. By challenging the habit of turning away and supporting clients in the enquiry, they discover new possibilities and create a life that aligns with their true values and aspirations. This transformation is not just about solving problems—it’s about fundamentally changing how we live, opening up pathways to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Graham Smale

2024-10-10

#OntologicalCoaching #PersonalGrowth #Transformation #SelfAwareness #CoachingJourney #AuthenticLiving #TeamDevelopment #ProfessionalGrowth #Heidegger #SelfDiscovery