"Transformation"- Cliche or Possible? You Choose!

A few years ago, I was sitting by my pool looking at my perfectly landscaped yard, my custom built home and watching my 2 beautiful young daughters running in the back yard laughing and playing. AND I was miserable. I had the money, the job security and the vacations and I felt like a prisoner in my own home.

My husband and I stopped the arguing and fighting and got silent. We were living separate lives and I felt like I was sleeping with the enemy.

I spent a year of my life figuring out a way to leave my life. I ran numbers through my head and weighed the pros and the cons and I felt so much guilt.

How could I not be happy?

How can I be so ungrateful?

How selfish am I to want more?

Finally, I told my husband I want to separate. He was blindsided. He tried everything at this point to try and make it work- the counselling, the flowers, the family trips to “get away” and I was already one foot out the door and there was no turning back.

After 2 hours at the lawyers we had our separation agreement crafted and thousands of dollars later I was “FREE”.

The reality for me set in when I was living in my mom’s unfinished basement, looking at the suitcases that became my dresser drawers and the air mattress that became my bed and I sobbed, “What did I do?”

Now, we had a new set of problems- sharing our time with our daughters, fighting over vacations and who gets to take them to gymnastics and to birthday parties. It was a mess and so was I.

I found my new best friend Chardonnay and she and I spent many nights together. When that didn’t work, I was popping sleeping pills and anti depressants. That never worked either.

A year later I woke up. I decided to take back my life. Transform the life I was living and transform my identity!

I invested in a coach and lots of personal development to figure out what was “wrong with me!”

I realized that I wasn’t broken. I didn’t need to be fixed and neither was my marriage. There was always something missing in me- my self expression. My confidence. My self worth. I gave my power away by being at the effect of my life.

Three years later something changed. I saw my husband as a person with needs I never met. I saw him as a caring loving person that I pushed away because of my inner demons.

We realized that we love each other and despite my past feelings of hatred and anger towards him we developed real love, and intimacy.

My husband and I, after three years of separation, thousands of hours of personal development got back together and 20 years later we have a marriage that is aware, in communication and we are genuine partners in life.

During this journey of transformation I left my teaching job of 14 years. People ask me how I did that.

I always say, “I didn’t decide to leave. I chose to leave”.

I learned that decisions kill off what’s possible. Much like the root word implies similar to homicide, genocide and pesticide (to kill off). I didn’t think about my pension or benefits or security or fear. I chose to leave because I chose to leave. Period.

Now, I use all the tools and strategies I learned, to create a program for women who feel stuck in their mind chatter that’s stopping them from being brave so that they can have more connection and communication in all their relationships and step into their greatness.

I believe that when women are given tools and become aware of the real things holding them back, they create a new legacy. They perform better at work. They have more confidence and the ripple effect creates better relationships and connections and contribution.

4 years ago, my coaches opened doors I never dreamed possible. Now, I am living a life I created. My goal in life is to give these tools to 1 million women so they too can live a life they get to create- aware and unleashed! 

If you are one of these women that know you are held back. Let’s have a conversation and explore what is possible for you in your life! Forget the decision and choose! You are worth it!