Transfigression

6-year-olds are not annoying. We are just 7 and older.

There is a six-year-old girl who lives next door to me: lively, loud, perpetually with a kind of energy that I lost years ago, and has not yet learned the art of leaving people alone.

I come home from work, exhausted and brain-fried, with my only plan for the evening to throw something together to eat, sit down, and reboot. And Just as I reach for my kitchen, she appears. “Uncle! What are you cooking? Uncle, why didn’t you do your dishes? Uncle, is that fish? Uncle, I love rice! But my mummy says I eat too much rice. Uncle, have you watched Moana?” And she goes on and on and on: talking, skipping, poking her head into things she should not. And no matter how many times I tell her (calmly at first, then with increasing frustration) that I need some quiet time, she does not get it. She does not stop. And it drives me mad so much I want to turn to her and let out my frustration. Then I remember:?

She is six.

She knows nothing about long workdays or exhaustion. To her, I am this big Uncle who can answer all her questions (and probably knows everything).

As humans, we outgrow certain stages and certain ways of being, and when we encounter someone still living in that space we have left behind, it grates on us. Their behaviour seems ridiculously annoying.? A six-year-old barges into your kitchen and won’t stop talking. A colleague interrupts you mid-sentence in a meeting. A friend keeps making the same mistake, no matter how much advice you have given. And it is so easy to get angry and to lash out. But...they are just six. Maybe not literally, but in some way, they are still learning.

Life will teach them all those things eventually. One day, they will come home from work, tired and hungry, and a little child will barge into their kitchen with a hundred questions. They will feel the same frustration you feel now, and they will smile, because they will remember what it was like to be on the other side of it.?

Lesson: So many people who annoy us are not out to hurt us.

I said Yes to a friend and found myself in a Committee-of-Friends WhatsApp group.

There are times when saying yes is the beginning of our frustration and regret.? I learned this lesson the hard way last year when a friend asked me if I would like to be added to her wedding preparation WhatsApp group. She was a dear friend, someone I had worked with closely in the past, and it only sounded natural to say yes. So I did. The group started innocently enough. There were introductions, a few cheerful messages, and a vague sense of direction that no one wanted to admit. It didn’t take long for things to spiral out of control.

A question would be asked, “What date are we meeting to discuss catering?,” and the silence that followed would stretch on for days. Then, suddenly, people would pop back into the chat, replying to something entirely unrelated, as if the original question never existed, and when the right responses came, they often sparked more problems than they solved. Arguments broke out over things like what colour schemes to use, whether the bride’s family should contribute more, who was supposed to buy the drinks for the engagement party, whether we should meet in-person, BLA BLA BLA.

Then one day, one group member did the worst: “We are doing all this planning, and she (the bride) isn’t even sure if she will get married in February!”

Then the great WhatsApp purge began.

One by one, names disappeared from the chat. I looked at my screen, watching the numbers reduce, until finally, my own turn came, and my name vanished, and voila: the group was gone.

How often do we find ourselves in messy situations simply because we said yes without thinking?? We agree to things because we don’t want to disappoint, and because we don’t take a moment to pause and ask ourselves: “Do I really want to do this? Is this worth my time, energy, and peace of mind?” If you say yes to everything, you will spread yourself so thin that you will have nothing left for the things that truly matter.

?Lesson: If the answer is no, don’t be afraid to say it.

The writer today: where do they stand?

Lesson:

Look left, look right, look left, then turn around and go back home.

There is this ritual we all learned as children: before crossing the road, you stop, look left, look right, and then look left again before you take a step. That worked for us, and still does, in fact. But too many of us are still using that same outdated “traffic approach” in life.

Of course, caution has its place. There are times when it is wise to pause and to plan, but too often, that same caution becomes a cage. You want a job? You hesitate. “Am I qualified enough? What if they reject me? Maybe I should wait until I’ve taken one more course, gained one more skill, polished my résumé one more time.” You love someone? You overthink. “Do they feel the same way? What if I ruin the friendship? Maybe I should wait for the perfect moment, for a time when I’m less awkward, less afraid.”? You have a dream? You delay. “Am I ready for this? What if I fail? Maybe I should wait until I have saved more money.” And while you are busy looking left, right, and left again, someone else who is bolder, less worried, and less 'prepared,' is already halfway across the highway. They saw an opening, and they took it.?

Here is the truth no one tells you: life is messy. There is no such thing as the 'perfect time,' the 'perfect plan,' or the 'perfect you.' If you’re waiting for the day when everything aligns, newsflash: You will wait forever.

Life doesn’t work like that. The people who seem to be succeeding are not waiting for permission. They are figuring things out as they go: stumbling, falling, getting back up, and learning on the job. And that is how it is supposed to be.?

You want a job? Apply for it. Even if you are not fully qualified. Even if you are scared. Let the hiring manager decide whether you are ready, not your self-doubt. And if you don’t get it, you have learned something, and you are one step closer to the next opportunity.

You love someone? Tell them. Ask them out. Even if your palms are sweaty and your voice shakes. Even if you’re terrified of rejection. Because at the end of the day, it is better to know than to spend your life wondering.

You have a dream? Chase it. Start that business, write that book, apply for that scholarship, launch that project. Even if you don’t feel ready -especially if you don’t feel ready. Because readiness is a myth.

Lesson: The only way to get ready is to start.?

Has there been a better time to fall in love?

It doesn’t matter what you love. There is an overwhelming, absurd excess of it. What are you going to do with all that excess?

People, for instance. There are over eight billion of us on this planet. If your passion is connecting with others, you are living in the golden age of human interaction. Social media platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter (or whatever Elon Musk is calling it now) ensure that there is no shortage of people to connect with. But in many ways, the abundance of people has made us feel lonelier. When there are too many options, the value of each connection reduces. We start to treat relationships like items on a menu: easily selected, quickly consumed, and discarded when something more appealing comes along.?How many people in your life are truly indispensable??

Then there is work. Gone are the days when most people settled into a single career path and stuck with it until retirement. Now, we are told to “follow our passion,” to find work that “sets our soul on fire.” And the options are endless.? The internet has democratised opportunity to the point where anyone with a laptop and Wi-Fi connection can start a business, build a brand, or launch a career. But when there’s an excess of opportunities, there’s also an excess of competition. Should you quit your 9-to-5 to pursue your passion? Should you stick it out for the paycheck? Or should you try to do both and risk burning out?

?Lesson: What do we do with all this abundance?

50?

There are certain headlines that make you stop mid-scroll and double-check to confirm you read them right, like the one that recently trended about the woman ordered to pay N150,000 in damages to a boyfriend who sent her N3,000 and got ghosted. It sounds like something cooked up for a “what if” scenario. But it’s not. This is real life: 2025 style.

Ten years ago, this headline would have been dismissed as too absurd to even entertain, let alone report on. But here we are.? And the more you think about it, the more you realize that the ridiculousness of the past was simply the world’s way of holding off ideas and realities it was not ready to face.

What seemed absurd yesterday becomes today’s norm, and what seems absurd today will likely be tomorrow’s reality.

Lesson: What seems absurd to us now might one day become so normal that we barely bat an eye.

In cash? In kind?

As professionals, we often find ourselves presented with two difficult choices when it comes to our families. One road is to pay in cash (providing for their needs, wants, and desires financially, but at the expense of our presence), while the other road is to pay in kind (providing our time and constant presence, but sacrificing our ability to meet their material needs).

But, why should we accept this binary choice?

Lesson: But...is the trade-off really inevitable?

See you next week,

#K