Transactions are Just Skin Deep, Emotions Reach Down to the Soul

“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel” - Maya Angelou

Before you read this blog, take one look at banknotes from across the world. Stern, unsmiling faces of world leaders will stare back at you without an iota of emotion; that’s the world of transactions for you. This really lays bare the glaring gap between a world of transactions and one of emotions. Here’s a story.

Alex is a hardworking fellow in his organization. He is always on the go, meeting people, shaking hands, giving them a spiel about his career and goals. He networks, exchanges business cards and promises to keep in touch.

And he does keep in touch. He emails them, saying “Hi, we met last evening and it was nice to connect. Can we discuss an upcoming business opportunity over coffee?” He gets a few polite refusals and wonders what on earth went wrong. The same people were nice to him just 12 hours ago, and what changed overnight?

 Let’s ask you this - what differentiates an Alex from the digital assistant Alexa? Alexa warms our hearts, makes us smile and is more human/emotional than a lot of people I meet. Our friend Alex from the story above, lacks the intention to make a deeper connect or build a relationship. He goes right into transactional talk rather than breaking the ice, warming up and making the other person feel like a human, not a business opportunity.

When machines are winning hearts by trying to mimic human emotions, why are we humans ashamed of wearing our hearts on our sleeves? Even at work, the people who make the most of their 9 hours and get the best output from their teams are the ones who ‘ask nicely’!

Fear is good, it makes us cautious as professionals.

Anger is important, it motivates us to move towards closure.

Happiness is indispensable, it puts us in the right frame of mind to make decisions. 

A handshake or an email might help connect, but it is not enough to make a ‘connection’. A deep, human connection.

From the boardroom to the bedroom, an emotional pitch can outdo a transactional approach hands down.

Now don’t get scared of the word ‘emotion’.

You don’t need to be good with words, a kind look can convey empathy. It’s ok to be shy, a note or message can achieve a perfect connection.

Relationships, be it personal or professional, are based on emotional connections. When people connect with each other at a deeper level through conversations and empathy, there is a level of mutual trust which they develop. And once that trust is developed, the human mind and heart is open for further associations.

Treat the person in front of you as an equal; no prejudice and no judgement.

You may have a colleague who comes from a broken home, has a couple of failed marriages behind them, has chosen to come out as gay or is suffering from a terminal disease. They probably don’t want you to be conscious of it every moment you are with them. Trust and equality are the cornerstones of breaking the ice.

Facts are transactional, but here is one for the more rational of you readers. Once an authentic emotional connection is created, the brain releases ‘oxytocin’, a chemical called the ‘trust hormone’ when we are with the same people. This lasts in the long term. In the end it is all about what Munnabhai said ‘sab chemical locha hai’.

The new business mantra: P2P, not B2B

Why is it important to understand the science behind human emotions? Because Business is not about B2B, it is about P2P or People to People. So, in the world of transactions, emotions play a heavy-duty role as we are dealing with people first. It is imperative to understand that making strong bonds and emotional connections are far more important than simply having a cut-n-dry and ‘kaam-se-kaam’ attitude.

The other day I chanced upon a video on Facebook where a company threw a surprise birthday celebration for their janitor who has been working with them since 30 years. He was almost in tears as he had never expected this. The video shook my emotional core and made me realize how workplaces become just that – workplaces, instead of ‘human’ organisations. We fail to realize sometimes that human emotions run deeper than meeting room coffee.

So how do you make these emotional connections with your heart in the right place, to ensure people trust you and you can genuinely build a long-lasting relationship rather than being a B2B person? Let’s use facts and tell a story, not a report. Let’s listen before we talk. Let’s be warm over being cold and ‘dignified’. Let’s appreciate and communicate.

The other reason emotional connections are imperative is because they build the foundation of great organisations and teamwork. Be it a company or a family unit, when people are in rhythm with each other, and synergize on an empathetic level, they can do wonders. Because it’s not just their minds that are in sync, but also their hearts.

A classic is the film Lagaan. What I liked most in the film is how the ordinary villagers achieved an impossible victory because of extraordinary teamwork. And this teamwork did not happen because they wanted a trophy, but because they were connected in their hearts. They had mutual trust and belief. They encouraged each other and worked towards a common goal, as a united front. And this was possible only because of an emotional relationship with each other.  

This quote beautifully sums up the importance of an emotional connection for a great team, or for great organizations :

We are not a team because we work together, we are a team because we trust, respect, love and care for each other – Vala Afshar’.

Let’s start building human and one-to-one connections. The rest will take care of itself.