Trans Youth in Separating Families

The life of a teenager is often described as a journey of ups and downs; a time to learn, fail, and grow. For teens struggling with gender identity, the pressures are even greater. Of the estimated 300,000 Americans identifying as transgender, one in five falls between the ages of 13 to 17. Compared to their cisgender peers, these young adults experience significantly higher levels of depression, suicidality, and victimization. ?

It is no secret that certain political groups have opted to politicize gender dysphoria without regard for the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of trans youth. Indeed, youth access to gender affirming care is under siege. This year, Texas Governor Greg Abbott signed into law a bill preventing transgender youth from obtaining puberty blockers, hormone therapies, and other medical resources. In effect, this legislation was interpreted as a victory against any efforts to validate transgender identities. Texas, home to one of the largest trans communities in the entire United States, is now one of eighteen states to enact such legal restrictions.

Like any other child, trans youth deserve respect from their loved ones throughout their gender identity journey. Unfortunately, it isn’t always easy for parents accept this change. In fact, some will consider the declaration to be extraordinarily jarring and uncomfortable. These parents struggle to develop a conscious understanding of transgenderism and are likely to outright refute the validity of the trans child’s experience. In stark contrast, some adults may feel inclined to exhibit immediate, genuine support. A parent with this outlook is more likely to seek access to gender affirming care for the trans youth.?

Opposing views on the handling of gender dysphoria, especially when passionately held, can lead to a detrimental marital rift. Such polarity of opinion rarely results in cordial discourse. Partners who are prone to divisive and unproductive conversation surrounding their child’s gender identity might consider mediation or other dispute resolution methods. When handled with conscious empathy and a true understanding for both parents’ views, a guided dialogue can serve as a couple’s saving grace from a custody battle or divorce proceeding.?

For some adults, transgenderism is an entirely new concept. Even so, parents must acknowledge that an apprehensive approach to their child’s trans identity is likely to inflict serious emotional trauma upon the teen. To develop a deeper understand of their child’s gender transition journey, parents are encouraged to join support groups like the TransFamilies Project and Ally Parents. ?

During a child’s gender transition, it is common for parents to feel a sense of loss. Even those who wholeheartedly support their teen’s transition are susceptible to this experience. But a child’s gender transition doesn’t take away from the unique essence of who they are. Surely, the teen will exude physical changes, but what’s in their heart remains the same. The transition simply allows the teen to become a more authentic version of themselves.?

Upon seeing their child fully embrace who they are, a parent’s feeling of loss is sure to transform to that of pride and acceptance.?

For additional support and resources for families with trans children, visit the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) website: https://transequality.org/issues/families. Trans youth in crisis should contact The Trevor Project’s 24/7/365 Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386). If you are a parent facing divorce and you have concerns about the effect of divorce on your family and/or transitioning child, find a lawyer who will discuss with you alternative approaches to court litigation.?As always, if you have any questions about the divorce process, feel free to contact me.?