Training in Thinking
If you saw the movie Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, you’ve seen this in action.
In Beautiful Day, the beloved children’s educator Fred Rogers is interviewed by a cynical reporter.
During an innocent chat about his life and work, the reporter observed, “It must have been hard for your kids to have had you as a father.”
Fred Rogers was a wonderful father who zealously guarded his work/life balance before the idea was popular.
The reporter’s fake-curious accusation was a journalistic fishing expedition - a lame attempt to get a rise out of the unstintingly compassionate Fred.
Mr. Rogers paused for a very long time.
Then, he thanked the reporter for his thoughtful observation.
He told him it was so very kind of him to acknowledge the challenges of parenting.
No one can hurt your feelings without your consent, as Epictetus said.
No one can make you angry, disappointed, intimidated, or jealous.
Substitute any reactive emotion.
Whatever it is, no one can afflict you with it without your consent.
You can choose to see things differently - this trick is called reframing.
It’s the only one you’ll ever need.
Mr. Rogers wasn’t using reverse-psychology or pretending to see something that wasn’t there.
He dug deep, looked deeply, and found some insight in the reporter’s question.
Rather than reacting to the reporter’s hostility, he ignored it and focused on the particle of compassion he saw in his heart.
The people we interact with become how we treat them, more than we’d like to admit.