The train wreck that did not need to happen.

Like most people, I was outraged when I first saw the clip of yesterday’s (28 Feb 25) Oval Office fiasco, but then I calmed down (slightly) and carefully analyzed what I saw. I am a former military attaché — a trained and experienced military diplomat. I am also a former human intelligence officer and linguist who now teaches about cross-cultural communication, empathy, and body language. I’d like to offer my thoughts on what I think went wrong, and why. A thread??.

First: There is no way in hell Trump, Zelensky, and company should have EVER had an interaction like that in front of the news media. Meetings in front of the media should be limited to “grip and grin” photo ops, not substantive negotiations. You negotiate in private and just smile politely for the cameras in public.

Second: Zelensky is a very respectable speaker of conversational English, but he is not bilingual. There is NO WAY he should have gone into a meeting like that without an interpreter glued to his hip. I speak three foreign languages, but if I’m in a meeting overseas to negotiate on behalf of my country, I’m only speaking ENGLISH and then waiting for my interpreter to translate (which also gives me more time to think and react appropriately.)

Third: Zelensky was outnumbered. There was just one of him sitting up there with Trump, but there were many others in the room as well. Again, he’s a non-native English speaker arguing with both Trump and Vance. In English. Not good.

Fourth: Neither side demonstrated much empathy for the other. Trump, Vance, and all the other Americans need to understand that Zelensky represents a country that was invaded and has been at war now for three years against a horrific, genocidal enemy, has had 20% of their territory stolen from them, lost hundreds of thousands of soldiers, and God-only-knows how many civilians. Trump and Company say they want peace, but Zelensky wants more — he wants his territory back, and he (understandably) wants security for his country's future. As Zelensky tried to explain: He knows Putin, and he knows what being Putin's neighbor means.

Zelensky said he wanted security guarantees. Trump was not about to give him that. This is where Zelensky was the one lacking empathy. Remember, empathy is not sympathy; it simply means understanding where the other side is coming from, and why. Rightly or wrongly, a lot of Americans believe we have already done enough to support Ukraine, and there are questions as to how much aid was provided and where all that money actually went. It doesn’t matter whether those questions are legitimate, or fact-based. They're being asked, and asked by a lot of people. (Russian disinformation on social media has been effective in contributing to this situation.) What matters is that the questions exist. Zelensky should have been more sensitive to that.

Trump and Vance lacked empathy for Zelensky, but at the same time, Zelensky didn’t show enough empathy for the American side, either. He came to DC to agree to a minerals deal. It turns out there WAS no agreement to sign. (So why make the trip?) Instead, he asked for more money and aid — which might have been acceptable in a closed-door meeting, but NOT in a session right in front of the news media. You NEVER negotiate in front of the media! Never.

Finally, a lot has been made about Zelensky’s attire. We’re conditioned to associate visual artifacts with professional attire: A policeman’s uniform. A doctor’s white coat. A judge’s robe. In meetings like this, we expect politicians to wear a suit and tie. Instead, Zelensky showed up in the same type of attire he’s worn since the war began. Trust me; Zelensky owns suits. But his choice of attire is intentional, a visual reminder that he is now the elected wartime leader of a country fighting an existential struggle against a brutal invader.

Both sides now need to take a deep breath, calm down, and re-engage far more constructively; there is far too much at stake here.