Train Resilience: Sit on the Floor and Talk to Strangers

On Monday a week ago I got on the 11.30am Virgin train from London Euston to Glasgow Central. I travelling to Glasgow for the first time to start a new coaching assignment. I felt excited: I was going to explore a new city, and discover a new world of through the new coaching partnership.   

I forgot that it was half-term school holidays, and the train was packed with passengers of all kinds - families, kids, professionals, tourists with suitcases. Having bought a ticket with no reserved seat, I walked up and down the carriages a few times, hoping to find a free seat. There was none. So I resigned myself to this situation. I found a spot in between the carriages which had 1 pram, 1 other passenger with no luggage, and enough space for me, my carry on luggage and my handbag. I sat on the floor, thanking myself for the wise choice of wearing trousers instead of a dress.

I thought that this situation called for a ‘mild application’ of resilience. Let’s face it – there are way harder situations that we have to bounce back from, than having no seat on the 4.5 hour train ride to Glasgow. But in the context of the 1st world living, this is a situation in which one could potentially get agitated and upset. I decided that getting upset, or having a row with the friendly Scottish lady selling in the shop – the only Virgin staff member I encountered on the whole ride – was totally futile.

After listening to a podcast for a while, I noticed that my companion, by this time also sitting on the floor, was looking ahead, and did not hold a smart phone in his hands. I asked him where he was going to. It turns out Joseph, who was in his mid twenties, was going to Preston. He was an assistant teacher in a primary school, dealing with kids from 5 to 11 years. He exuded kindness, an open warm heart, and huge positivity, reinforced by his beautiful sincere smile.

Joseph said that he loves his job, and loves particularly the naughty kids. Instead of telling them off, he would ask them “Do you think what you are doing is right?”. They would almost always reply “No, it is not”, to which Joseph will reply: “so what do you think you should do instead?”. He treated them as equals, encouraging them to take responsibility for their behaviour, which often lead to self-correction. His eyes shone when he spoke about his work, and how much he loves that each day is unpredictable and different. The moments when he wondering “what am I doing here?” were very rare.

I shared with Joseph that I love being a catalyst for people to grow their confidence and resilience. We agreed that we were very lucky to love what we do, when so many people dread Monday as they dislike their jobs. Joseph left in Preston, giving me a hug and saying that this had been his most pleasant trip in a long time.

Luckily, many passengers got off in Preston, and I was able to sit at a table, joining three other ladies. I thought they were a group, but turns out they all met on the train, and had already shared a lot about each other’s families during the ride (they’d had 2 hours for that). One of the ladies, Kate, said she was an ex-croupier, and was now teaching yoga and mindfulness to elderly people with special needs. When she learnt that I am an executive coach, we got talking about human psyche and capabilities.

She said that she’d distilled 2 key messages from all the books she had read on psychology and mindfulness. Those are that (1) people are much more robust and capable than we give them credit for; (s) it is not good to ‘mother’ them. “Don’t push yourself doing this yoga pose, it is OK if you can’t” would be her comment to some students. “Why not push myself? I want to!  I feel great when I stretch myself and discover I can do it!” Then Kate and the other lady (didn’t catch her name) got off in Lancashire.

Finally, I remained with Helen, who had 15 min to her destination. She turned out to be a primary school teacher in a state school – nurturing kids from 3 to 7. Her passion at work was to teach kids that they each can make a difference in the world. The head mistress and teachers of the school were keen to foster the spirit of sustainability in the children. The initiative was inspired by Prince Charles’ book “Harmony”, in which he offers a framework of 7 principles which can help protect nature and the environment. We had time for Helen to share 3 of those: oneness, inter-dependence and geometry. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up in London on her next she visit. I decided to buy the book and explore further.

And that was the end of my journey. I decided to adapt and connect with the people around me on the train, instead of moaning in my head about the inconvenience, or beat myself up for not reserving a seat. I experienced the most enriching and inspiring train journey since returning to the UK in September 2015, and I’ve had many of those for my coaching and facilitation work.  I felt happy and connected with the people around me.

I wonder what examples you have of practising ‘mild resilience’ and flexibility?

What random connections have you made on trains, plains, buses, waiting lounges?

I would love to hear from you in the comments, or in a message.

It is amazing how much we can learn and discover when we are open, flexible and willing to forgo the media devices in favour of live human contact.

Thank you for reading. Have a great weekend. Stay resilient and fulfilled!

Maria Kassova