TRAGEDIES ARE PERSONAL By S CHAKRABORTY
In this super fast world of social media where one click of the whatsapp informs the janta of the new car or new house we have acquired. Pertinent to note that no one knows or hears of every so called janta of friends and relatives of their personal tragedy.
We often feel that our tragedy is more grievous than any other and that no one will ever be able to understand and appreciate what we are going through at that moment. Every man, every friend has his own tragedy in life. In fact, it is quite all right to say every person has his or her own tragedy.
It has been more than 31 years of corporate life where we have attained many Goals, targets, friends, Ownership and in doing so, created our own milestones and castles of ambitions like trophies. Unfortunately while achieving and competing, we have out-distanced ourselves from the real world of close friends and lost precious closeness with emotional support on the way.
Sometimes, one who has been displaced from it, seeks to attain it for the first time, but the fateful wound from which the inevitable events spiral is the wound of indignity and its dominant force is indignation. Tragedy, then, is the consequence of a man's total compulsion to evaluate himself justly. In doing so one becomes so private and controlled that one, seldom hears his or her whimper behind the facade of a smile.
Aristotle attempts to provide a scholastic definition of what tragedy is:
Tragedy is, then, an enactment of a deed that is important and complete, and of a certain magnitude, by means of language enriched with superlative ornaments, each used separately in the different parts of the play of Life: it is enacted, not merely, recited, and through pity and fear it effects relief (catharsis) to such and similar, emotions.
As a part of my recent Goal in Life, I have started getting in touch with all friends, lost through ages of time, schedule of work, quest for goals in life that even their names have become a haze of misspelt names and obscure faces. I have realised that life is short and not worth a penny losing people, friends and relatives on the way. So, thus I went into a task of obtaining contacts of all friends in my entire 50 years of appreciating what is the phenomenon of a Friend.
It has indeed been a painful journey of getting into contact mode for once lost friendship, but seriously not as sad, dismal and painful of coming to know from, mind you, each one of their singular personal tragedies. I, too have had my own share of tragedies and boasted personally to myself that no one has ever experienced the pain and sadness as I have in life! To my astonishment, I have heard each friend’s story one by one and unanimously felt a deeper pain in my heart, making me realise that my personal tragedy has been nothing more than a drama. The more I got enveloped in this litany of tragedies, the more I started digging out friends and realised that Life’s lesson has been nothing but an unfolding in the 5 stages – ANGER ---> DENIAL---> BARGAINING ---> DEPRESSION ---> ACCEPTANCE. An all of us have been through similar passages of life.
In this age, few tragedies are written and even spoken. It has often been held that the lack is due to a paucity of heroes amongst us, or else that modern man has had the blood drawn out of his organs of belief, by the skepticism of science, and the heroic attack on life cannot feed on an attitude of reserve and circumspection. For one reason or another, we are often hold on to our personal tragedy – or the tragedy around us. The inevitable conclusion is, of course, that the tragic mode is archaic, fit only for the very highly placed, the kings or the kingly, and where this admission is not made in so many words, it is most often implied. In short it is something not worth discussing about to anyone, even our closest friends.
So friends, tragedies are not different for one man and big, small, tiny or huge for someone else. Tragedy is Tragedy! There is no quantifiable measure for Tragedy! I cannot say my tragedy is too huge and immense to even discuss or mention to someone else- he/she would never understand what I am going through. Friends, this is untrue! No tragedy is different! If there is one common bind that ties us with the human race – It is Tragedy. Believe, me, a true friend will understand your tragedy.
I believe that the common man is as apt a subject for tragedy in its highest sense as kings were. Except we always feel that no one will be able to understand our personal tragedy unless they face the same. On the face of it, this ought to be obvious in the light of modern psychiatry, which bases its analysis upon classified formulations, such as Oedipus and Orestes complexes, for instances, which were enacted by royal beings, but which apply to everyone in similar emotional situations. Simply – To err is Human and to suffer a tragedy is only me!
In fact, even though, it is you who has experienced the loss, the quantum of pain experience is unanimously the same as the other. We tend to cringe in the thought of discussing this private pain in the same 5 stages by experiencing:
ANGER – Why me? Look at him, he is flashing his Mercedes Benz! Nay! My friend that Mercedes Benz is just a toy that brings momentary happiness amidst the loss of something close and precious. Who knows the private pain of someone else? For who are we to Judge?
DENIAL – Oh! He just will not understand my loss or pain! Try him, dear friend, and you will realise you have been wrong. Denial is one excuse to shun that friend away so that we can salivate intoxicated in our pain licking the wounds like a wounded animal. This is just a way to avoid and not accept your tragedy and pain.
BARGAINING – What will people say? This comes as a third stage and is bound to appear in everyone’s mind who is experiencing the pain due to tragedy. The fastness of social media has filled our brains with cynicism of what will people think. Just speak to a friend without crying on everyone’s shoulder like a town crier and you will find the wonderful sense of reassurance of humanity and the closeness of a friend.
DEPRESSION – I hate this world! It has been so mean and unfair to me. That has been totally untrue. When you crib about that limp so loud in your mind that it obscures your vision to see there is another person in front without one limb. How limp is our bargain? Try a close friend and see……………………….
ACCEPTANCE – Finally you come to this point as a part of the post tragedy trauma when all of it finally dawns on to you, where in you finally seek to see the reality. This the correct time and moment when you must step forward and discuss with a close friend the tragedy and who know he or she will share his tale, too? Then all of a sudden, you realise that there is pain everywhere else.
The possibility of victory must be there in tragedy. Where pathos rules, where pathos is finally derived, a character has fought a battle he could not possibly have won. The pathetic is achieved when the protagonist is, by virtue of his witlessness, his insensitivity, or the very air he gives off, incapable of grappling with a much superior force.
Check out the great Tragedies told to us through ages - some as mythology, some as stories and some, epic. Tragic stories and films have always been hugely successful, such as the quintessential dose of Devdas in 3 different avatars from Bengali, English to Hindi. Then we have LAMHE, MAQBOOL, PADMAVATI, OMKAARA, and SHOLAY creating several tragedy kings of the actors. In the English or the western side we cried buckets and buckets at Eric Seagull’s LOVE STORY, JULIUS CEASER, ROMEO & JULIET, TITANIC and PEARL HARBOR to name a few. Why do you think these films raked up so much money? Everybody likes the dramatization of a tragedy. That’s is why! Why then is it difficult to share our private tragedy with our partner or good friend?
It is time, I think, that we who are without kings, took up this bright thread of our history and followed it to the only place it can possibly lead in our time-the heart and spirit of the average man. Do get of that pedestal and phone (not whatsapp) a friend and discuss the pain and loss thereby turning it from a personal tragedy and an epic in our mind to a sad story.
A final word.
Tragedy is a hard thing for anyone, single or in a relationship. For couples, it brings a new dynamic into your relationship. You may feel as if there was a life before, and now there is a different life after. The best thing you can do is be there for each other and get the help that you need in order to weather the storm.