A tradition of reflection

My relationship with religion has evolved over the years. Raised in a Jewish home, my connection to my religion changed when I was a teenager – which is when my mom passed away after a three-year battle with cancer. People handle death in different ways, for some – they rely on their faith to help them cope, others abandon it completely. I fell into the latter (or so my memory recalls – more about that later) – I rebelled against many of the practices rooted in the religion – and I was angry – questioning how there could be a “greater good” or a “higher power” if he (or she) could allow my mom to die – especially at such a young age.

The thing is, after many years of trying to discern my thoughts on religion – I realized that I missed it and allowed myself to rediscover its meaning and role in my life – perhaps redefined, but wanting to remerge with the traditions that were so important to me. Many of these traditions were tied to my childhood – especially my mom – like sharing the kitchen with her while we cooked for holidays or indulging in apples and honey celebrating the Jewish New Year. The lessons that the Jewish faith has to offer – reflection, forgiveness, atonement, giving back – mean something differently to me today than so many years ago and perhaps it’s something that has even more meaning now, as I’ve been able to forgive so much about all those years and move forward. The healing process for the pain that accompanies loss is grief, and while it’s taken quite a bit of self-awareness, the path of healthy grieving is often intense and difficult, but it’s also a life-changing journey.

Making space to think back on a year and find ways we can grow, evolve, and do better as individuals – this process is something we all need to do, no matter our religious beliefs.

This month, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, referred to as the “High Holidays,” take place – providing a bit of reference about those holidays which represent the two holiest days of the Jewish year. Rosh Hashanah is the start of the Jewish New Year, kicking off a multi-day period of introspection and repentance – culminating in Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. Recognizing the meaning behind the holidays, it takes a lot of self-reflective work to dedicate time to reflect (Rosh Hashanah) and to consider (Yom Kippur). While these holidays are a great time for self-awareness and self-reflection, it’s also a reminder to sustain elements of these mindful actions into my life of a regular, on-going basis. 

I look forward to the High Holidays every year. It reminds me of my family (both days past and present) and it’s a dedicated space where I can focus and reflect on the year – the good and the bad – digging into the lessons from this past year, using those to propel me through the year to come. The latter lesson being one that I couldn’t see at the time of my mother’s death; and as I now reflect on the years leading up to her death and beyond – perhaps instead of “acting out” or “rebelling,” I was simply being a teenager, looking for a moment of freedom without the weight of someone’s death upon me. 

During this time, I also think about my achievements and growth. This time is not intended to solely reflect on the challenges – we need to remember that even in years where times are tough, when nothing seemed to go our way – there is still promise and hope to be found in ourselves – and each other. Making space to think back on a year and find ways we can grow, evolve, and do better as individuals – this process is something we all need to do, no matter our religious beliefs.

This holiday season, I am going to make my mom’s famous brisket and eat apples and honey, which is one tradition I’ve been making for almost the past twenty years, as I create new traditions with my family – rooted in memories of my mother. I’ll fast on Yom Kippur and then indulge in my favorite New York deli feasts – both filling me with memories from my childhood. And one more tradition, similar to the anniversary of death, it is a mitzvah (good deed) to light a memorial candle prior to sundown on the eve of Yom Kippur – a tradition I cherish every year, sharing another moment with my mother recalling her laughter and her love for life.

Throughout this holiday period – and beyond – with my own actions and commitments, as well as others around me, whether celebrating this holiday or their own traditions and beliefs, I remain hopeful that the journey ahead is filled with ideals and values we share – leveraging elements of mindfulness and self-reflection to emerge more resilient than yesterday. May everyone find health and happiness in the year ahead!