Tracking The Tragedies - Loving and Losing Larry, My Big Brother

Lawerence William Clarke

12-12-1951 -10-9-2024

I received a call from an unfamiliar number at 8 p.m. on Wednesday night, October 9, 2024.? They left a message which I quickly read. “Hi Teresa, I am Deputy Goldman with the Contra Costa County Sheriff’s Office. I was trying to see if you knew Larry Clarke. I have a couple of questions if you could call me back.” I turned to my husband and said, “It's the Sheriff’s Office calling about my brother.” We assumed he might be in a mental health crisis. 5 minutes later we found out his years of multiple mental health crises were over. He was found dead in the little El Sobrante home he had been renting for over 20 years. We were asked to come immediately and accept the body upon the Coroner’s release.?

On the drive over I thought about how I had considered stopping by to see Larry last Monday.? I had found mementos while packing for our move to Benicia. I wanted to show him something he had given to Danny on his birthday (see photo). But, I decided to wait and call first. I am glad I waited. I would not have wanted to find him by myself.?

I had not seen my brother since the day I delivered him a check for his inheritance from my parent’s estate. I will never forget the look on his face that day when he opened the envelope and saw the amount of money he was inheriting. He smiled so big and hugged me for the first time in years. We had a healing moment that wiped away years of pain.

I left him happy and told him to take care of himself. I told him that our mom and dad loved him so much and wanted me to make sure that he was safe. I told him to go buy a new car to replace his 1991 Toyota. I told him that I would be back in touch before we moved and to call me if he needed me. My number was lying on his kitchen counter when the Sheriff’s Office did the welfare check upon the landlord’s request. They were hoping to find his family and they did.?

My husband and I drove up to the home to see 3 or 4 Sheriff’s cars sitting with lights on in the courtyard. As we walked towards the officers, a couple called out from their car, “Are you Teresa, may I have your number?” It was the landlord who had rented to my brother all these years without ever raising the rent. They even held it for him during the time he had to be put on an LPS Conservatorship. They didn’t know he had a sister or two. Thank god for their kindness. I think they loved Larry. My husband called them saints.?

I asked them if Larry was late paying his rent. They said, “Oh no, he was never late. He called us the day before it was due every month to have us stop and pick up the rent. I last saw him on the 1st and he seemed fine.” It isn’t clear if he was seen again by anyone in the neighborhood. On the 9th, a neighbor called the landlord to say that Larry’s door was jarred open but he hadn’t been out. So, the Sheriff was called for a Welfare Check.?

I was interviewed by the officers who were super kind. I gave them all of the information I had. I told them he had a severe mental illness but I was unaware of any other health conditions. I told them that he had not been a drinker or smoker for years. However, we found out that he had resumed drinking about 3 years ago. I would later find the Meyers Rum and Budweiser bottles 12 pack as evidence. We talked about how people who live with severe mental illness often die 15-20 years younger than the general population. Larry was 72. There was an assumption that he died of natural causes.?

I was asked about suicide ideation and I shared the story of his surviving a jump off the Richmond San Rafael Bridge many years earlier. I explained that he had years of recovery and stabilization, a happy 3rd marriage, and a career teaching in the West Contra Costa School District. But, when he stopped his Lithium, he lost it all.?

He wound up at the Twin Towers in LA after several attempts to 5150 him had failed in Contra Costa. With the help of Danny’s Public Conservator, we got him back to Contra Costa Regional Medical Center and they placed him on an LPS Conservatorship. He was sent to Crestwood Vallejo and stabilized. While there, we worked with his conservator to secure his teaching pension and return to live in his little El Sobrante rental home. He was reclusive and only saw my mom and dad. Then, just my mom. Then, just me.?

I let my sister know that night while waiting for the mortuary to come for his body. The Coroner released his body to me without knowing the cause of death. However, they called back Thursday and decided that they needed to have his body brought in since they couldn’t find a record of a primary care physician. I had found psychiatric medications from a county psychiatrist but they needed a primary care doctor to sign off on his death certificate. As of yesterday morning, his body was still with the County Coroner’s with a pending cause of death.

Families like mine know that one of our biggest fears is about what will happen to our loved ones when we are no longer here. My mom knew that Dan and I would take care of Larry. I had put aside part of my own inheritance from my parents to ensure that I could support him when he couldn’t take care of himself. It is one of the reasons I was so excited about Psynergy opening their new Residential Care Facility for the Elderly(RCFE) in Sacramento. I thought maybe Larry could go there if needed one day. Now, that won’t be needed for Larry.

He died alone in a house surrounded by filth and signs of psychosis with a few boxes of family memories scattered around. Pictures of our grandparents and mom and dad. Two high school yearbooks. His Senior Year Book was ripped apart. I am sharing the photo of him as the De Anza High Student Body President from that book. I was a Freshman that year. I felt proud of him. I still am. He was a good man before, during, and after severe mental illness.?

He never bought a new car. Based on the bank records we found, it looks like he never spent the money that my parents left him. But, this was his choice and according to the ACLU and Disability Rights Organizations, he had the right to live independently without “coercion.” They claim it's all that matters. I think they are wrong.?

My brother died with his rights on for sure. However, in my opinion, there was no dignity in the life he was living or in his death based on what I saw upon entering his home. I saw rotting food on the counter, mold covering the inside of his refrigerator, empty Budweisers, a big bottle of Meyers Rum, dirt embedded into his carpet, a broken down couch, cobwebs, bills, papers, movies, a soiled, tattered mattress and bedding, and empty bottles of psych meds everywhere. I wondered how this could have been his choice as the smell of his dead body gagged me while I choked back tears.?

I wrote the Housing That Heals paper and have fought for our loved ones who live heroically with severe mental illnesses to live and die in dignity. It is not just the street homeless who need the right to care and housing, and they do. But too many of our SMI loved ones are living behind doors that only get opened when they die. We need to knock on those doors more often to outreach and engage with vulnerable people living on the inside too. And, maybe some of those doors should be forced open before someone dies.?

I will spend the rest of my life fighting for a right to treatment and Housing That Heals for all families like mine.? We aren’t even close to seeing that happen. I won't give up. I don't ever want Laura to find Danny living like my brother.?

I loved my brother. He was so smart, handsome, and kind. Our relationship was very complicated before and after mental illness.? Our family was complicated before and after mental illness. I had to set boundaries over the years but I always tried to be a good sister. And, my husband, who had no experience with mental illness before marrying me was the best brother-in-law to him. It's been hard having two beloved family members living with a psychotic disorder. But, we have been luckier than many to have resources and the support of the SMI community. I am grateful for my family, friends, and the SMI team I never wanted to join.?

I worried about telling Danny because he and Larry were very close when Danny was younger. Danny handles death better than me. He took it in stride and has faith that his uncle is now resting in peace. My faith has been shaken and lost for a long time but I know for sure that wherever Larry is now is better than where he was here.