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I remember vividly when I was 30 years old, encountering this incredibly charming man who showered me with love, attention, and compliments. He swept into my life like a hurricane, and before I knew it, he had moved in with me. Our romance felt like a whirlwind, but soon enough, the cracks began to appear. Behind closed doors, explosive arguments became commonplace, with blame invariably falling on my shoulders. I started to doubt myself, questioning if it was truly my fault. He'd gaslight me, convincing me I was losing my grip on reality. It was a rollercoaster of love and manipulation, leaving me feeling like I was losing my mind.

As a people pleaser, our default mode is to prioritize the needs of others over our own. We bend over backwards to ensure everyone else's happiness, often seeking external validation and approval.

And you know what? Narcissists can sniff out that vulnerability like bloodhounds on a scent.

They view our kindness and empathy as a playground for their ego, relishing the attention and validation we shower upon them. It's like oxygen to their fire, fuelling their charm and charisma.

But beneath that facade lies a toxic underbelly of manipulation, control, and self-centeredness. Narcissists excel at gaslighting, skillfully making us doubt our worth and sanity, exploiting our insecurities for their gain.

Few can match a narcissist's ability to sweep you off your feet with their love bombing, making you feel like the centre of their universe. They'll go to great lengths to charm your friends, family, and even strangers, all singing their praises. But the allure is fleeting, and the cycle of manipulation and emotional turmoil takes its toll.

So why do we fall for it?

Often, it traces back to our own unmet emotional needs growing up. If we grew up feeling unseen, invalidated, or love being conditional we may crave the love and validation a narcissist appears to offer.

Perhaps you were raised by a narcissistic parent, adopting people-pleasing tendencies as a means of feeling loved and accepted. Deep-seated insecurities and low self-worth make people pleasers easy prey for their manipulative tactics, perpetuating a toxic cycle of dependence on their validation.

But here's the stark reality: the price of being entangled with a narcissist is steep.

It corrodes our self-esteem, diminishes our sense of worth, and jeopardizes our mental well-being. We find ourselves tiptoeing around their volatile moods, desperately seeking approval from someone who will never be satisfied.

If you recognize yourself in this pattern, know that you're not alone. But it's imperative to address the underlying trauma, the unmet emotional needs and to confront that deep-seated fear of rejection and unworthiness.

In my own quest for love, I ignored the warning signs and compromised my values to meet my needs.

It wasn't until I embarked on a journey of inner healing, confronting my trauma head-on, that I was able to break free from the toxic cycle of people-pleasing. I reflect back to that version of me and feel so much love and compassion for her- and so grateful that I took that journey back to me.

Remember, you are deserving of love and respect, just as you are. Don't settle for anything less.