Toxicity and winging it? What could go wrong?

Welcome to the monthly/twice a month brain dump of everything I'm interested in.

This is a personal blog has evolved to almost 26k subscribers (I still pinch myself).

The Standard Brain started as a personal side project to highlight incredible stories and issues that matter. The aim of this who thing was to share their stories to elevate social mobility whilst offering more accessible insights.?

This blog has four main aims. These are:

• Support honest conversations around neurodiversity
• Make interdisciplinary thinking accessible to all
• Champion diverse voices internationally & D&I
• Instigate conversations around social mobility

I am also thrilled that Kerry Hopkins will join me today to talk about all things food, wellness and imposter syndrome.

Fun stuff

New ways to pay restaurant workers

How to talk to people you disagree with

How to delete your old social accounts (and why you should!)

Pokémon and the first wave of digital nostalgia

Navigating two conversation styles: are you an interviewer or a volunteer?

The escalating costs of being single in America

The seven types of rest

How to execute an amplified marketing strategy

Job hunting in the creative industry while autistic

Why we're becoming more nonchalant

How to have a week

Toxicity: projecting onto others?

How to navigate toxic behaviour

We can all be negative at times and say things we don't mean. However, being reflective of how we feel, our reactions and ultimately how we engage with others is vital to successful professional and personal relationships. Nevertheless, it doesn't stop some from embodying toxic behaviours I recently encountered with someone who was quite toxic. I learnt a lot from this encounter, and I wanted to take a moment to reflect on it.?

For?Travis Bradberry, toxic people can actually defy logic. In this way, some can be unaware of the negative impact around them. Others, instead, can acquire pleasure from producing disorder and aggravating others.?Regardless, such individuals create needless anxiety and stress for others.

It is important to remember that context is everything. We don't honestly know the lived experience with others, and we don't fully understand what they are currently going through.

At the same time, we are all fluid. We are flexible, and modifications in circumstances and experience can evoke different behaviours. Research suggests that even complex personality styles?can change over time, compared to being hardened and solid. I found it most interesting that conflict experts?don't focus much on bad actors?because they know that dynamics and circumstances are toxic, not people.

Taking stock of the above helped me navigate some of the challenging emotions I was facing. I also found speaking to people who have experienced similar things, and how they dealt with it to be very useful.

Having said this, I also don't think it took the responsibility from the said individual.

We are?all?responsible for our actions. Some of us are just ready and open for that responsibility; some aren't.

The only thing you can do is be responsible for yourself, your actions and let things go.

This toxic engagement knocked me for six. I began to second guess myself, my worth and ultimately, my values. Ultimately because someone decided they didn't like something, I did. I felt that this person in question?had it in for me. So trying to rise above it was actually really difficult.

Some of the things I found most useful to do was:

1. Set your personal limits
2. Lean into your network
3. Don't focus on the conflict
4. Rise above it as much as possible
5. Stay aware of your emotions
6. Establish your boundaries
7. Don't let anyone limit your happiness
8. Be solutions focused
9. Put the negative self-talk in the bin
10. Prioritise self-care (whatever that looks like)

These are only some of the things that have helped me to really reflect on this in the past month. Do you have any steps I might have missed?

What does 'winging it' actually mean?

Time and time again, I've come back to this idea.

We all have times when we've managed to deliver something with minimal effort, and it looks effortless. Right? By this, I mean doing a presentation without any notes, leaving it to the very last minute and delivering the goods last minute.

Many of these people are what?Emma Jacobs?terms "faux wingers", who actually work hard and prepare thoroughly to appear effortless. Despite what you might think, many of these people put a lot of the work in behind the scenes.

I resonated with this quite a bit. I guess I'm a 'selective winger' as I sometimes prep with certain things, and I'll don't feel it warrants any for others. It depends on the context. I can do an event or presentation on my chosen subject(s) without seeming like I've put much effort into it.

For example, I do quite a bit of stuff on the challenges underrepresented groups face (especially neurodiversity like with the?Civil Service Neurodiversity Network). For instance, I can pull them off with apparent ease in these presentations. Yet, what you don't see, however, is:

• ? How I've had to overcome unconscious biases myself
• ? Embracing those lived experiences of being intersectional
• ? Over ten years of field experience globally facing it first hand

I think there is a core difference between doing something (event/presentation) in your chosen field and picking up something new. I think it is a combination of expertise, confidence, and self-worth for those who apparently' wing it.

I would say that knowing your worth and what worth you bring is paramount in delivering something successfully. Having conviction in your words is so vital.

Celebrating Disability History Month.

Why remembering our history matters.

At the end of November, we marked the beginning of a very special month for us: Disability History Month. The theme for this year's disability history month is 'Relationship and Sex. Disability and Hidden Impairment'. It focuses on two enduring stereotypes that make disabled people's lives more difficult and act as a barrier to our inclusion.

Disability History Month is a chance to consider the issues facing disabled people, past and present.

Last week for the Civil Service Neurodiversity Network, I penned a piece reflecting on the history behind the Disability Discrimination Act and the Equality Act.

In the 1990s, hundreds of disabled people took to the streets to protest the injustice they felt. Their efforts helped to bring about the Disability Discrimination Act, which is 26 years old this month. It was replaced by the Equality Act 2010, which kept many of the same provisions as the original Act.

I wanted to take the opportunity to celebrate our history and stand with all those who came before us who fought tirelessly for equal access.

?? You can find my piece on this here. ??

This Week: An Interview with Kerry Hopkins, Head of Brand & Creative at Pollen + Grace

I'm super excited to bring you this interview, with one of my best friends. Kerry Hopkins is the Head of Brand & Creative at Pollen + Grace. Originally from Doncaster, she has been in London for the better part of over eight years in the food industry.

We originally met whilst both working in the wellness/food startup sector, at HelloFresh. Since then, we've travelled extensively together. I really love her experience within both food and wellness, but also the wider world of start-ups.

Jess Gosling: What inspired you to get into the field you work in now? Did you always know you wanted to work in the food industry?

Kerry Hopkins: Not at all! I had no idea I could work in the food industry whilst growing up in Doncaster. In my experience growing up in the north, I think there was a limit to knowledge on different jobs.

Outside the traditional routes of say being a lawyer, doctor or even a teacher, I didn't really have much exposure to other professions. I think this definitely played a role in what I thought my future job would be.

I was under the impression that to be "successful" I needed to go to university, graduate and get a white collar job in a ring-fenced profession.?

It wasn't until I moved down to London at 18 years old for university did my eyes truly open. I think that is part of the difference, perhaps of growing up in a smaller, more rural environment than some of my peers who grew up in a more dynamic/international context.?

During the second year of my BA at the London Metropolitan University, I began to look for a part-time job.? At this point I was really into food and wellness, but had no idea what that could look like in terms of job prospects. I began working in the food industry quite by accident, and I began at HelloFresh in 2014. Once in, it was hooked. I never knew that the food industry roles were so diverse.

I joined Pollen + Grace whilst at university, and it has been incredibly watching it grow. Previously I was the Head of Marketing, and then about two years ago my role evolved into what it is now. I love working for a company which is pioneering a new, fresh approach to convenience eating and being able to be so creative.

JG:?What are the most significant challenges with the wellness industry in your opinion?

KH:?One of the biggest things I would say about the industry is the apparent unapproachableness it has. The wellness industry seems to suffer from elitism, which it will struggle to shake off. We can see this at various levels, especially at price points. There appears to be a disconnect between the wellness industry and the real world. In this case, I'm referring to say regular people compared to those who can afford it.

Another significant challenge the wellness industry is faced is the stereotypes often at play (which directly feeds into my elitism point). Focusing on stereotypes of people looking a certain way, being from a specific demographic, means it is even a step further from reality. Ensuring inclusiveness across the industry is vital.

We also need to have a more significant push towards education within the field itself. For example, we have acupuncture, but where does it come from? Perhaps then we also need to have a conversation about accountability.

JG: Imposter syndrome is increasingly people face, especially early on in their career. Have you ever had imposter syndrome, and how have you overcome it (or not)?

KH:?I believe imposter syndrome is something everyone feels at some point in their career. On the whole, it can evoke feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that endure despite one's training, knowledge, and achievements. It is present in all industries for sure.

In my case, I have had imposter syndrome, and I do still experience it today. I am confident in myself, my skills and what I bring to the table. However, I do operate a very self-critical stance towards myself. I'm the most critical of my design work. I always believe I can do better. Partially could be because I am not a trained designer. Perhaps it is a sense of feeling like I might be 'found out', so in this case it would drive me to be more critical.

Being critical of one's work is normal, but not to an extreme level that makes you feel bad about it. This is a common challenge all designers face, especially when working in silo.

JG: What are your favourite brands at the moment?

KH: My list always changes. Some of my current obsessions include:

1. Ohne - feminine hygiene products. I love them because they are changing an industry that desperately needs it—taking something we use every day to make it better. Basics of wellness. It isn’t about an expensive facial, just a good product like a tampon.
2. Inkey list- skincare. Taking something that is elitists and making it accessible.

JG: What is the one thing you wish you knew when you were younger?

KH: I wish growing up, I had more access to the diverse job opportunities we have today. The only creative job I was aware I could do was to be an art teacher growing up. The wider creative industry didn’t exist and still might not in terms of accessibility for those who are from underrepresented groups.?

You can find out more about Kerry here!

Why "The Standard Brain"?

I think we are all so different, and we also work differently. I fully believe in building expertise, learning from others and bringing together different sectors positively. We often do not explore outside our own industries or what we know.

Exploration can lead to some fantastic ideas, collaborations and connections. It is, therefore, my aim through this blog and personal space to embrace all of myself: someone who is neurodiverse.

I've always seen the world, unlike most - in a connected way. So in a sense, interdisciplinary thinking is something I've always done; I just didn't have the vocabulary to articulate myself.

*Me being derpy with a coffee.

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