Toxic Workplace Habits (or 'How not to do your job')

You've all felt it.

That heavy AF burden of some colleague that doesn't do their job. The collective frustration of the entire team as they work around this deadweight, picking up the pieces and trying to make up for the shortfall.

In the end, everyone suffers. Except that very person who didn't pull their weight.

But you know what? Through my own personal research and highly accurate statistical analysis (read: gut feeling), I estimate that 99% of these assholes aren't even aware that they're doing a shitty job.

I've compiled a list of behaviours - because I want to rant, but also because I want you to realize it - as a litmus test, if you might be one of these people:

1. You avoid meetings like the plague. Preferring instead to ping emails back and forth or leave your comments on shared documents. God forbid anyone should actually try to engage you in an actual conversation.
2. You don't speak with your customers/clients/users directly. Preferring instead to work through account managers, project managers or any middlemen.
3. You don't get involved in solving serious issues or removing bottlenecks. Preferring instead to leave it to the working classes to struggle and resolve it on their own. After all, "it builds character".
4. You don't feel the need to explain the nature of your work to others who may not have the technical know-how. You're the expert after all. Why does anyone need to understand how your solutions work?
5. You don't communicate often. Nobody knows what you're doing, when you're going to hit deadlines or not, whether or not you're on track, or if you'll show up at the next Scrum meeting. You need to be harassed constantly for updates.
6. You don't care about contributing to the broader goal or final outcome. You only care about doing your tiny little bit, and you fight with others about what is/isn't your scope*.
7. You don't feel the need to mentor or coach your team, and as a result, the overall effectiveness of your team remains the same over time. Maybe it even declines.
8. You don't take any calculated risks. You are fearful in the way that you conduct yourself at work. Fear of what your boss thinks of you, fear of coming across as incompetent, fear of failure, fear of spilling your coffee... the list goes on.
9. You hide behind the process. Even though it's slow, inefficient and garbage. You cite proper governance, audit and a million other reasons for not streamlining your work.
10. When the shit hits the fan, you point the finger first before resolving the issue or trying to find out what went wrong. You never take responsibility.

Is this you? There's a special place in hell for people like you. It's called Purgatory.

*To be clear, it's important to have proper accountabilities in any team based working arrangement. I'm talking about the kind of people who are obsessed with drawing a line around what they do, to the extent that they're not even willing to help (once in a while) for concerns outside their immediate area of focus.

Disclaimer: These opinions are entirely my own and in no way reflect the views of my company.