Toxic Positivity

Do you feel that your stress levels are rising lately, but you are unable to pinpoint the exact cause? Well, the one thing you don't need to stress about is knowing that you're not alone. Many people around the world are starting to feel the same way. And funny enough, it's not the covid restrictions causing the problem. The sad truth is, it’s because we are being told that we should be happy that we are sacrificing our personal lives to our jobs. And if we don’t, then we are made to feel guilty that we dare put ourselves first. Welcome to the fun and exciting world of toxic positivity.

Toxic positivity has been described as being told to be happy all the time, all backed up by continuous platitudes. However, there is more to it than that. To better understand what is going on with toxic positivity, we need to investigate the murky depths of the three main concepts that have crept into the work culture in many organisations and businesses. They are, do it for the (kids, patients, clients), best practice and above the line behaviour.

Do it for the (kids, patients, clients)

In any business we need to think about the people that we are serving. It's smart business practice to address the needs of the clients and to help them achieve their end goals. Helping people get what they want is how the business makes money and what we are paid to do. However, over the last 50 years, this concept has been slowly corrupted so that managers can make workers feel guilty and manipulate them into giving up more of their own time and money.

In the last 50 years business, corporations and governments have moved to make workers feel guilty if they dare think about themselves more than for who they are working for. Most managers now know that money is not the main motivator in people's lives. Most people are already earning “good enough” money and are not willing to give up a lot of extra hours of time with family just for a few dollars more.?But they know people will be willing do more if they feel they are helping someone who needs it. Businesses use this sense of client loyalty to exploit workers, not so that customers get the help they need, but so the business makes more money.

We see this type of behaviour from managers when we have a day off sick. We get told, “but we need you today” and ‘No one else can do it but you”. Alternately, if we decide that we are not going to work late and want to go home to our family, we hear, “there is no one else to cover the shift and the patients need you”. So, we drag ourselves into work pumped up on medication, or give up that evening with family/friends not because we want to, but because we feel some twisted sense of responsibility. If we don't go in or stay late, then we are given looks of disapproval by the boss and maybe even a quiet word about how you let the business and fellow workers down. You know, made to feel guilty that you dared put yourself first.

Sad truth. The reason the boss makes you feel guilty when they need you to work is simply because they contacted you first. They really don't need you; they just need someone. If you deny their request, then they are forced to find someone else to work and they don’t want to put that extra effort in. So, they beg and plead with you and blow smoke up your backside until you cave in. It is unimportant to them that you are giving up your free time, just as long as they have a body in place doing the job. And to make matters worse, even though we want to feel important and that we are sacrificing for all the right reasons, deep down we know we are being used and it gnaws away at us.

Best Practice

Just like the idea of working to help a client, the notion of best practice is to say that when dealing with clients, students, patients we need to not only give a great service, but to go above and beyond and give exceptional service. Of course, this is what most people try to do. We have standards that we like to meet, but, alas, this too has been corrupted

Best practice is now used by fellow workers and managers who are looking to move up the ladder. They initiate ideas and systems that serve to help them look good to those further up the ladder. While best practice has always been a personal initiative in the current business structure it is now associated with the introduction of redundant paperwork and accountability, adding extra steps into a system that was working reasonably well. This then adds not only time, but also extra layers of unnecessary complexity, adding to the workload without achieving much gain to the overall bottom line. The only benefits are in the hands of the person who added the paperwork, as it goes on their resume earning them a promotion. Unfortunately, this additional paperwork increases the amount of bureaucracy in a business. And people are left to give up more free time and work harder.

Bureaucracy - one of the biggest problems with bureaucracy is that it reduces trust in a business. The more paperwork the more checks and balances, the more distrust sets in across all levels, and that means more paperwork, checks and managers are needed to watch over people.

If we do complain about that best practice is taking more time, we hear that it is just an extra 5 minutes, but what is an extra 5 minutes really? We know that it is not just 5 minutes. That extra task now takes an extra 15 minutes, if everything goes according to plan, which we know it won't. However, one extra (1)5 minute task is not the issue, it's the other 20 that have already been added, with more still to come.

Again, neither of these concepts are wrong in themselves, it is the intention behind them that causes the problem. And maybe that is where it would end. People smart enough that they can see through the lies, and they know how to stand up against it. However, another movement has entered into the fray to shut people down before they even start.

Above the line behaviour.

The notion of above the line behaviour is that people try to act in a way that is always positive and doesn't cause conflict in the workplace. It is based in the belief of emotional intelligence, where people learn to take control of their emotions and not be a slave to them. A harmonious workplace is seen as more efficient and creative. Of course, that is how we would all like to work, however, above the line behaviour is more about controlling people than controlling emotions.

In the modern workplace above the line behaviour is not the same as emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is about being in control of your emotions, not suppressing them. Emotional intelligence allows people to still get frustrated and angry but being able to control our responses, so we don't explode. Above the line behaviour is being more about being happy all the time and never showing any disapproval or unhappiness. If there is any potential disagreement or conflict, we are quickly admonished for participating in below the line behaviour we are shuffled into conflict resolution meetings where everyone gets to air their grievances in a polite manner in a supportive environment. Of course, it doesn't work, and it only leads to simmering contempt amongst staff who are unable to fully express themselves. (See Adam Grant - Think Again as to why conflict is good)

Beyond workplace harmony, above the line behaviour is also used as a method to shut down dissension in the workplace against the ever-increasing workloads. As workloads increase and people start to express their displeasure, they are reminded that moaning, whinging and complaining are all below the line behaviour. How can you really complain to the boss when all you are being asked to do is your best for the client? If we do complain we are subjected to weasel words such as “Do you have a problem with this?” and “I am sorry you feel that way”, are used to say you are the problem for feeling that way, don't blame the company for wanting to be better. In short, a guilt trip. ?

In the long run we all end up working longer and harder for no extra time off or increase in wage, while suffering through a social lobotomy where we are told to keep on smiling it will all be fine.

Work Life balance - One of the ironic statements used by businesses that use and manipulate people is work/life balance. Workers are often told that the business wants them to have a great work/life balance, while at the same time increasing their workload.

All three of the above-mentioned concepts are methods of guilt tripping people into doing more work, giving up more personal time and not complaining about it while the business doesn’t concede anything. No extra days off and no extra pay. At the most you get weak platitudes and the occasional thank you. This is the basis of toxic positivity

How this happened.

As we have seen, toxic positivity is insidious. It has creeped slowly into the workplace. Do it for the kids, best practice and above the line behaviour would have been presented as a new way of doing things that is good for you, and in most cases it's true. But it is not the idea of doing it for the kids, best practice and above the line behaviour that are the problems, it is the intention behind them. Toxic positivity is a way to placate workers so that they are more willing to be manipulated and not stand up to the abuse.

While we know how toxic positivity sneaks into a workplace, we need to better understand why it was able to sneak in? The first issue is the reduction of unions and their strength over time. While I am not here to promote unions, I think we need to understand that when workers are unable to band together and have support there will be an imbalance of power, always in favour of the employer. This imbalance has seen managers increase workloads under the guise of best practise while the worker has lost their avenues of advice and support. With no one there to back up the workers then they are forced to accept the changes that are made.?

Another reason why people have been so compliant and accepting of greater workloads is because of the ever-increasing debt levels that people have burdened themselves with. With increased debt, not just of home and car loans, but of credit cards, payday loans and buy now pay later credit, people are unable to take time off to strike for better conditions as they have no wriggle room in their finances. A loss of day pay creates huge instability in finances. This means that people then suffer through deteriorating work conditions as they are afraid that if they stand up against the boss, without the support of a union, as they may lose not only their job but all their possessions as well.

How to fight it.

So how do you fight toxic positivity? The sad truth is you don't. If you try to fight it all that will happen, is you will be seen as a whinger, complainer and someone that is not willing to pull their weight. After all, it is not like the boss is asking you to do anything illegal. They are just asking you to step up. Don't you want to be proud of the work you are doing? You don't want to be lazy, do you? I mean, you are a team player after all, aren’t you?

They take away your time, don't pay any more money, they manipulate you and then they blame you for being unhappy with it all. It is deliberate that there is no easy way to fight toxic positivity. Managers have worked things this way so that no matter how you attack the beliefs, it automatically makes you look bad. It is a no-win scenario.

Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, this will happen: you will resent people, you will do a bad job, you will have less energy for the things you were doing a good job on, you will make less money, and yet another small percentage of your life will be used up, burned up, a smoke signal to the future saying, “I did it again

James Altucher

However, that is not to say that you cannot fight it, but it is a long uphill battle, and one you will quickly find out is fought by yourself. The other people in the workplace will probably not be willing to join you, either because they are embracing the toxic positivity because they are after a promotion, or they are afraid of speaking out and losing their job. So, you must decide whether all the effort and stress are worth it. Are you going to spend months/years fighting toxic positivity which will only amount to a small change? Throw in the fact that fighting toxic positivity will put you offside with the managers, are you really willing to continue working with them in the aftermath? You will also be offside with fellow workers who fear repercussions from your boat rocking. Is it worth all that stress?

A better path

A better option than fighting an unwinnable fight is to leave. While it may not be what you want to do, is staying in a job just because it is easier than leaving really a good thing??Plus, it is important to note that not all businesses have toxic positivity. Some businesses do do it for the kids, best practice and embrace above the line behaviour because they care about you. They want you to be happy and do your best because they genuinely care. They want to help you, because they know that if they help you and you are happy you will do more work. Businesses like this don't need to manipulate you, they know you will do more because you feel appreciated. And they will also reward you for it. You are given more responsibility because you are trusted and the manager then mentors you to handle the responsibility because they want you to move up.

In places like these there is no need to talk about doing it for the clients or doing best practice or even above the line behaviour because they do it because it is part of the DNA. However, places like this are not a utopia. Things go wrong, there is conflict and tempers flare. Yet, from this people grow, emotions are not buried, things across the board get better, and people prefer to stay.?

In businesses where toxic positivity remains, it runs its inevitable destructive course. This course takes years for it to pass, growing worse as it causes more stress and complications in the workplace. To counter this business applying more toxic positivity methods which always creates extra levels of bureaucracy. Increased bureaucracy is married with an increase in levels of distrust. In the end, most businesses collapse because of the rampant bureaucracy, extremely toxic environment and total lack of trust. People cannot operate forever in environments like that. Those businesses that survive toxic positivity normally require a new CEO to come in, take control and then flush most of the old managers out and replace them with new people with new ideas.

But can you really wait that long? It may be another 10 years before there is a change for the better. Don't you deserve something better now? Yes, it can be hard looking for a new job and there is a risk you could jump from the pan into the fire. But aren’t your family and you and your health worth the risk?

Going to a job everyday where you are not appreciated is not a good way to live your life.

Of course, the best thing you can do is start your own business. There you will never have the risk of dealing with such an environment again. Yes, there is a risk in businesses as well. That is where experience, either yours or a mentor comes into play. A mentor can help you to overcome obstacles and challenges and help you to create a very successful business. In your own business you can set your hours, decide the type of culture you want, and steer clear of toxic positivity.

Whatever you choose to do remember, you are more important than staying in a place where you are undervalued and taken advantage of. Take action and start living a truly happy life on your terms.

To learn more about possible mentorship, then please send me a message via the message system.

Terry Shadwell