Toxic Positivity

While it is comforting to think that positivity is always a good thing and that we must always demonstrate this at work, the truth is, that it isn’t. There is such a thing as damaging and toxic positivity that unconsciously enters the workplace, from start-ups to corporates and into our family dynamics at home. In this article, I invite you to grab a favourite drink and take a deep dive with me into

• How and why it manifests (Everyday work examples)
• The damage it can do
• How do we recognise if our environment has fallen into it
• Opportunities to move away from it

And so today we consider positivity and how we mistake this as a doorway of expanded consciousness while underestimating its toxic effects.

Context

In part one of our exploration last week (link at the end), we delved into the profound power of consciousness and what it truly means to be a conscious leader. One of the key takeaways was the understanding that opportunities for expanding consciousness are always present; however, we aren’t and often fail to recognise and seize them.

Many of us overlook the natural doorways through which consciousness flows because our attention is diverted - lost in thought - or because we lack awareness of what these doorways are and how to navigate through them. By cultivating a mindful presence, we can open ourselves to these opportunities, creating deeper connections and insights that enhance leadership effectiveness.

Today and in the coming weeks, we’ll dive into recognising and accessing the doorways into consciousness and their blocks Going beyond many of the usual concepts out there in this space such as changing leadership styles, values alignment, purpose-driven leadership, and emotional intelligence.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity refers to an excessive and ineffective over-generalisation of happy, optimistic states in nearly all situations, leading to the dismissal, minimisation, or invalidation of genuine and necessary emotions.

While positivity can help maintain temporary morale and a positive atmosphere, toxic positivity negatively impacts humanity’s, longer-term, inner and outer well-being. In the workplace, this manifests in various ways, (see upcoming examples) with serious, counterproductive effects,

Why Does Toxic Positivity Manifest?

Living life through a near ‘permanent’ happy, optimistic state is entwined with emotional avoidance. Despite it feeling like a bubble of safety for those falling into it.

Toxic positivity is emotional avoidance in action.

Many leaders and parents use it as a coping mechanism that helps them to positively reframe themselves away from any sensation, feeling or emotion they feel uncomfortable with and can’t handle in a given moment.

As a coping mechanism, it becomes habitual and repeats in our nervous system. Just like a washing machine repeating wash rinse and spin to get rid of dirt or a stain, our nervous system gets locked into trying to wash, rinse and spin our way out of feeling something we don’t like and don’t know how to allow and be with. Enter Toxic Positivity.

You might already recognise how or when you avoid feelings and emotions. Saying things like, “I don’t want to talk about this now”. Or make an excuse to avoid a certain task, situation or person. Or through casual, well-meaning remarks such as, “Stay positive”, and “Just do it” or “Come on, head-up”

If so, you have joined a very popular club, you are not alone. In some way, all humans unconsciously fall into emotional avoidance, of which toxic positivity is one default pattern.

This is different from being able to recognise and take in the positives in life as a valuable life skill that can serve us well. Such as a gratitude practice - But just like anything, positivity can be misused and misused severely.

Where Does It Originate From?

We find it difficult to handle challenging feelings today because we didn’t know how to handle them when they first presented themselves to us as children. Often, we have parents or caregivers who don’t know how to handle them either, and so we learn from them and through their limited coping strategies such as positive reframes.

At the same time, we suppress important emotions that require sharing, validating and healing. However, when they are positively brushed over, they have damaging consequences that we take into adulthood.

We learned to escape difficult emotions through toxic positivity to help us negotiate our childhood. It’s a form of creating a positive overlay. When I say difficulties, I am not just referencing trauma but everyday feelings that every child will go through, including vulnerability, anxiety, doubt, frustration, anger, abandonment, helplessness and confusion.

Toxic positivity becomes normalised as a tool to use when these come into our lives, as surely they will. Normalising unhelpful behaviours that have become widely accepted in mainstream culture, despite being non-functional.

When we were children, the adults in our lives often didn’t know how to attune to our feelings and make the right adjustments. Because they didn’t know how to validate and allow our feelings and couldn’t make them better, they grabbed the next best thing available, the habit of positive reframes and toxic positivity.

When we remain unconscious of all of this, we become leaders and parents who teach our colleagues and children to do the same.

Below are five examples of positive reframing that, while seemingly optimistic, act as statements of denial to avoid facing the tough emotional realities of situations. Invalidating the important emotions people will be feeling in difficult situations. Emotions that get buried and fester.

Until they resurface and are expressed through low employee engagement scores, quiet quitting, toxic team and work cultures, stress, burnout, absenteeism and sickness.

Five Examples of Toxic Positivity In The Workplace

1. Minimising Employee Concerns: Manifestation: Leaders or colleagues respond to genuine issues or challenges with overly positive platitudes, such as "Just stay positive!" or “Keep pushing, we’ll get through it,” without addressing the concerns being felt by those around them. Counter Effect: This can make employees feel unheard, undervalued, or even isolated. It stifles wellbeing, resilience, open communication and problem-solving, leading to unaddressed stress or dissatisfaction.
2. Suppressing Negative Emotions and Mandated Optimism Manifestation: Employees are discouraged from expressing frustration, sadness, or stress, with expectations to maintain a cheerful demeanour at all times. Including phrases like “Have a growth mindset” or “Just focus on the bright side”. Counter Effect: When employees feel they cannot express negative emotions, they will suppress and deny them, which can lead to burnout, resentment, and health issues in the form of anxiety and depression. Authentic emotional processing is necessary for long-term well-being and team cohesion. This can result in disengagement, as some employees can feel their genuine struggles are ignored in favour of a "fake happy" or “just stick to logic”, workplace culture.
3. Avoidance of Difficult Conversations Manifestation: Toxic positivity often leads to the avoidance of necessary but uncomfortable conversations about performance, conflict, or well-being. Instead of addressing these issues head-on, leaders gloss over them with "stay positive”, or “let’s see if it improves” remarks. This is very evident in those companies that report they coach their teams and each other. When the reality is they don’t. Instead, they provide ‘pep-up’ conversations full of well-meant but often toxic positivity. Counter Effect: Avoiding difficult conversations in favour of superficial positivity can prevent necessary growth and problem resolution. Team dynamics suffer, as underlying issues go unaddressed, leading to long-term dysfunction, divided teams and reduced performance.
4. Pressure to be "Positive" During Organisational Change Manifestation: During times of restructuring, layoffs, or other organisational changes, employees might be expected to remain positive, with statements like “Let’s embrace change”, “It’s the only constant thing there is” or “It’ll work out in the end.” That does very little or nothing for those going through feelings of uncertainty, vulnerability, doubt, concern, anxiety, frustration, anger and helplessness. Employees begin to mistrust leadership or colleagues if they feel that their concerns are consistently minimised or invalidated. This can erode workplace relationships and prevent psychological safety. Counter Effect: Ignoring employees' genuine feelings during change can increase resistance and disengagement. Employees may not feel supported or prepared for the changes, impacting morale, resistance, stress, burnout and productivity.
5. Incentivising Positivity Manifestation: Some companies prioritise and reward “positive attitudes” or “upbeat personalities” without recognising, hiring, or valuing the crucial ability to regulate difficult emotions and navigate challenging situations. Unconsciously, they build teams, departments, and entire cultures on a foundation of "positive junkies." Having been one myself for many years, I know firsthand the pitfalls of this approach. It often leads to flawed decision-making, avoidance of tough conversations, resistance to feedback, and an inability to say 'No,' ultimately undermining long-term success. Counter Effect: This incentivisation discourages the honest expression of challenges and emotions, from onboarding onwards. Building a culture where issues are swept under the rug rather than resolved in real-time.

From Toxic Positivity to Expanded Consciousness (What To Do Instead)

As leaders, we are constantly called upon throughout the day - through verbal requests, text messages, emails, questions, and meetings. Amid these demands, what are we, almost guaranteed to experience internally?

Feelings of vulnerability, doubt, concern, anxiety, frustration, anger, and helplessness, to name a few. Often, we may not fully acknowledge or even recognise these emotions as they arise.

These reactions are natural, human responses. Yet, when we experience them, we reach a critical point - an opportunity to witness with greater awareness.

Can we first notice our vulnerability or frustration and recognise there is a brief pause that exists before we instinctively default to a reaction of toxic positivity or an unconscious positive reframe?

This is a question every leader should explore and test in themselves.

This minuscule opportunity for awareness expansion is asking us to deepen our quality of consciousness.

Can we slow down enough in that critical moment to observe the trigger, recognise the minuscule pause, and consciously choose our response?

Before we unconsciously fall into toxic positivity.

When we learn to do this, we are practising expanded consciousness in real time and interrupting our unconscious, ingrained habits. Through consciousness, we awaken to a response that better serves us and others. This is consciousness expanding in action.

I encourage you to try this experiment. It’s a powerful, practical tool for all conscious leaders. While it may seem simple, turning this experiment into a daily practice invites a deeper dedication. To open ourselves to an intelligent flow of consciousness that is already and always available. That we need to keep tuning into. It’s not always easy, and if you encounter a block in your practice, don’t hesitate to share it with me. I’ll help you refine the technique or practice to ensure it works for you.

To conclude, here are 10 questions to help you reflect on whether your workplace might be experiencing pockets of toxic positivity:

1. Are negative emotions or concerns often dismissed with phrases like “stay positive” or “look on the bright side,” without addressing the underlying issues?
2. Do you feel discouraged from sharing how you really feel or frustrations because it might be seen as bringing down the team’s morale?
3. Is there pressure to constantly appear happy or upbeat, even when dealing with difficult or stressful situations?
4. Are constructive feedback or difficult conversations avoided in favour of maintaining a “positive - don’t rock the boat - atmosphere”?
5. Does leadership focus on keeping the workplace “light” or pushing for more, while ignoring systemic issues like burnout, inefficiency, or workload imbalances?
6. Are you afraid to speak up about problems because they might be labelled as “negative” or “not being a team player”?
7. Do employees regularly put on a fa?ade of happiness to fit in, rather than openly expressing their genuine feelings?
8. When mistakes or failures happen, are they quickly glossed over without meaningful discussion or learning?
9. Do you notice that conversations about hidden feelings or emotional challenges are quickly diverted back to focusing on logic, staying practical and positive?
10. Is there an unspoken expectation that difficult situations should always be met with optimism, or a ‘growth mindset’, regardless of their impact on team morale or performance?

Answering "yes" to any of these questions could indicate that your workplace is unconsciously supporting toxic positivity.

In Summary, toxic positivity harms workplace dynamics through detrimental reframes that suppress and block consciousness expansion. By operating inauthentically, suppressing valuable emotions, and creating stress, mistrust and pressure-cooker environments.

We can only spark a (R)Evolution of conscious leadership by first turning inward and doing the inner work ourselves. It begins with opening out into our consciousness and recognising that the 'doorways' to expansion are always present.

In part three next week, we’ll explore the most fundamental, ever-present doorway into expanded consciousness - one that is available to everyone, yet ignored, unseen, and dismissed countless times each day.

Until then, Glenn :)

Link to Part 1: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/leaders-agents-consciousness-1-glenn-bracey-rnpdf/?trackingId=K2%2FGHU8LXqz%2FaR6ekKjG3A%3D%3D

For Transformational learning for leaders and teams: www.futurevisiontraining.co.uk

Transformational Coaching for those aged 40 and beyond - Who seek deeper joy and meaning - Whether in your Self, Relationships, or Career: https://glenn-bracey.com