Toxic Positivity: Don't just think positively, be human!

If you are frequent on LinkedIn, you will probably rethink your life 60 times in a minute.

I recently read a story of someone who just lost his job. While expressing his grief in a LinkedIn post, someone commented that he should “look at the bright side of things.” I was amazed by that level of insensitivity. What is the bright side of losing a job? Don't think of me as a pessimist, I actually consider myself an optimist. However, I think there is a threshold.

Toxic positivity is a term that has gained popularity in recent years and refers to the idea that people should always maintain a positive outlook, even when things are going wrong. At first glance, this might seem like a good thing. After all, who wouldn't want to be optimistic and hopeful?

However, toxic positivity can actually be harmful, both to the person who is trying to maintain a positive outlook and to the people around them. When we try to suppress negative emotions or experiences in order to maintain positivity, we deny ourselves the opportunity to process our feelings and work through difficult situations. This can lead to a buildup of emotional tension and stress, which can eventually lead to mental health problems.

According to Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, a clinical psychologist,

Toxic positivity is a forced and fake form of positivity that causes harm to an individual’s mental health. It’s the idea that one should maintain a positive attitude no matter what, without acknowledging their true emotional state.

Imagine you've just lost your job, and you're feeling devastated. You reach out to a friend for support and tell them how you're feeling. Instead of listening and validating your emotions, your friend responds with toxic positivity.

"Oh, don't worry about it! Everything happens for a reason. They don't deserve you. You'd get a better job in no time! Just think positive and focus on all the good things in your life!"

At first, it might seem like your friend is being supportive and trying to help you feel better. However, their response is an example of toxic positivity. By telling you to "just think positive" and ignore your negative emotions, they're essentially dismissing your feelings and not allowing you to fully process the loss.

This can make you feel even worse, as you might start to wonder if you're overreacting or being too negative. You might also feel like your friend doesn't truly understand what you're going through, which can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Toxic positivity can be harmful in situations like this because it denies us the opportunity to fully process our emotions and work through difficult situations. Instead of trying to suppress or ignore negative emotions, we should acknowledge and validate them, and allow ourselves to fully experience them. By doing so, we can move through difficult situations in a healthy and productive way.

Moreover, toxic positivity can also be dismissive of other people's experiences. When we tell someone to "just think positive" or "look on the bright side" when they're going through a difficult time, we're essentially telling them to ignore or minimize their feelings. This can make the person feel unheard, unsupported, and invalidated, which can be incredibly damaging.

So, what can we do instead of toxic positivity??

Firstly, we need to acknowledge that it's okay to feel negative emotions. Everyone goes through tough times, and it's normal to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or disappointed. We should allow ourselves to feel those emotions and not feel guilty or ashamed about them.

Secondly, we should practice empathy and active listening. When someone comes to us with a problem or is going through a tough time, we should listen to them and validate their feelings. Instead of trying to fix their problem or offer empty positivity, we can offer support, understanding, and practical help if needed.

Finally, we should focus on realistic positivity, which means acknowledging both the good and the bad in a situation. It's possible to be optimistic while still acknowledging the challenges we face. By doing so, we can find practical solutions and work through difficult situations in a more productive and healthy way.

Negative emotions are part of life. Without them, the positive feelings wouldn’t feel as good! So, don't just think positively, be human!