Toxic Families

#conversationswithself?I have been watching the Duke and Duchess of Sussex aka Harry and Meghan’s coming out. I realized that globally we’re uncomfortable with people processing their trauma and calling out their toxic relatives. In fact globally we’re so uncomfortable with them being paid to process their trauma that we’re actually beginning to feel sorry for the perpetrators of the abuse.

As a person who pretty much did my processing of trauma through my Facebook posts I actually understand Harry. So I’ve seen the memes and I thought wow. First the world wanted it to be all Meghan’s fault to the point where we even say she’s not really Black. She has a Black American mother and we know how America applies the 1 drop rule and yet the world is still like nah you don’t look Black. What exactly does the world want by the way? She had to take the British press to court and win and still we’re like oh please you’re just seeking publicity. So after minimizing Harry’s agency and witnessing the way the press, especially the British press treated Meghan we proceeded to gas light the couple.

Harry now comes out with Spare which is a hugely apt title. I haven’t read it yet even though it has been sent to me via pdf. I will. I’m just watching the reaction.

My conflict in this is the following - these are two celebrities, one who grew up a Royal and the other who worked hard in her craft. Why are we uncomfortable with their pain? Why are we refusing to see the effects of sustained and brutal toxicity on the psyche of two people and the sustained attack on their persons and souls. What boy would not have issues after burying his Mum with the paparazzi playing a significant role and watching it happen again to his wife? Are we uncomfortable because someone offered to pay them for telling their story?

I personally am stopping gas lighting them. I’m going to read Harry’s book as I would that of any man who has spent his life being othered. I’m going to exercise compassion and I am going to believe his story through his eyes because his feelings and his reality has worth.

I thank Meghan for being his helpmate and helping him use the very tools that abused him to find his centre. He has flipped the switch on a very toxic industry - the media and used it as a platform to heal.

I’m done allowing abusers to win. The Windsors are blatantly racist. The late Prince Philip has memes made about his racial ‘gaffes’. The queen allowed a whole slave trade and profited from the Rhodesian era - Cecil John Rhodes directly contributed to my life by ensuring I grew up as the other. Apartheid is a direct result of one race believing they were superior and acting with impunity. Meghan stood no chance with this family who even wore Nazi paraphernalia to imprint their racism. Jeremy Clarkson and Piers Morgan have continued to profit from this industry despite being blatantly misogynistic and racist.

No Fam I’m seeing two brave souls who have told their stories and the preponderance of evidence shows that they were in a highly toxic environment and they loved themselves enough to walk away.

They have taken on the bully, exposed abuse and gotten paid while doing so. They have children to feed and gas bills just like you and I do. I’m glad Harry is being snide because he understands his family. There are references in that book that are direct bombs to his family.

Honestly this is a family which is okay with sheltering and protecting a known paedophile and we’re not losing our minds at that. It’s okay not to have an opinion on them. It’s not okay to refuse to see the hurt and pain that they have had to process.

This is what we, as a society do. We refuse to believe that Harry has the balls to take on his family because we need to blame his wife. He finally found a true partner who actually said to him - nah Fam your family is not okay. They are not good people.

He finally found someone who loved him. He found someone who sees his soul. This is a love story.

Trauma is hard to process. It takes a strong person to go against a whole system and a clan and say no - I will not play happy families anymore because it hurts.