Tough Talks

I have loved the trend I have seen here on LinkedIn where folk have shared personal insights from their careers, families and businesses. Today I would like to talk about tough talks. There are so many opportunities to bring this important topic up, and I touch on it a few times in my book. Sometimes the story is humorous, like the one I share about being in a jungle with a boy who refused to shower. When I talk about a jungle, I mean a tropical jungle, with all the humidity and heat and, well there is no nice way to say this ...sweat. Other stories I share about tough talks are just sad. Like the team nearing retirement at an investment company that was being made redundant? after they had just broken global sales records. The firm that had contracted me, needed to make some tough decisions to stay afloat after the 2008 sub-prime disaster. Even though it was a few years after the worst of the economic crisis, many companies around the globe were still in big trouble, and fighting to stay afloat. Those were some tough talks.

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But probably my first lesson in handling a tough talk was with my friend Nicoline in the Philippines. Actually, what am I talking, about, that wasn't a lesson in talking tough, that was a negotiation masterclass! And it was handed to us at gunpoint! You read that right. Nicoline was always ready for one of my adventures, and we found ourselves in a remote corner of the Philippines, our Jeepney stuck axel deep, when armed men came upon us. Our driver and guide were incredibly good at handling the situation, and here are the two lessons that have stood by me all these years later.

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Stay calm and rational. When confronted by the armed men, our driver stayed calm and rational. He listened to understand their perspective rather than reacting defensively. By remaining composed, he was able to de-escalate the tense situation through respectful negotiation.

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Find common ground. Our driver sought to find common ground with the armed men by sharing betel nuts, which if you have travelled in the region are not just mildly sedative, but they are also a symbol of friendship. He acknowledged their struggles and understood their need to protect their land for survival. Finding points of agreement and sympathy for the other party's situation allows for more constructive dialogue, whether you're in a boardroom or a jungle with a stinky boy.

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Both the driver and guide really gave a masterclass in the ability to keep a level head, even in life-threatening situations. Through calm assessment of the issues and seeking shared interests (if you have been on any of my trainings, you will remember me speaking about this) they were able to negotiate their way to safety through open yet strategic communication. In change-management-speak, their example demonstrates the value of rational problem-solving over reactive "fight or flight" responses when tough talks require soft touch handling.

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Would you like to read this chapter from my book? I am considering publishing excerpts here for my connections. Please let me know in the comments section below. Unless of course you'd like to grab your own copy of Change Matters and read it all in one go :-)

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