Tough Minded Leadership

When most people think of strong leaders, they tend to think of them as emotionless or even robotic. They think that one of the best leadership skills is learning to ignore your emotions, which leads some people to think they are not cut out to be a leader. As a result, some people spend their time learning how to conceal their emotions so that they are not viewed as weak.

It is true that weak leaders lash out at others when they are upset and avoid difficult conversations. Each word they speak and each word they choose to leave unspoken tear down the culture of their organization.

Still, other leaders try to repress their emotions with false confidence and bravado. Many of these leaders have been taught to fake it until they make it. However, they make the mistake of trying to cover up their insecurity by making comparisons and parading their team’s accomplishments as theirs and theirs alone.

Both approaches reveal that someone is not mentally strong. Over time, both leaders lose the respect of their teams. You have to remember that while business is competitive, leadership is not. Tough-minded leaders do not waste time comparing themselves with others, they compare themselves to their potential. Stay humble and be honest with yourself. Leadership experience will build your confidence, and the more confident you are, the better able you will be to manage your emotions.

However, you cannot completely avoid having emotions; they are part of being human. They are what makes us competitive. They are the reason we grieve. They are the reason you celebrate every milestone your kids make. They are what connects you to the people around you. However, you also cannot let your compassion for people or your relationship with them cause you to resist addressing an employee’s poor performance or negative attitude.

There are two sides to managing your emotions as a leader. First, you do not want to fly off the handle and let your anger or frustration get the better of you. When faced with an employee who is underperforming, it can be tempting to let out your frustration. Great leaders know how to temper strong emotions so that they can stay focused on the mission.

But this does not mean that you need to temper your emotions all of the time. Your emotional commitment to your team is what causes you to care about not just their improvement on the job, but their full potential. Your emotions are what drive you to do what is best for the people on your team. Instead of overlooking the poor performance of an employee, you choose to confront them so that they improve and so that their family can continue to enjoy the security of a full-time job.

I once worked with an employee who was not living up to his potential. From a previous discussion, I knew that he dreamed of one day taking his two girls to Disney. This may not seem like a meaningful dream, but after talking to him I knew that it was significant to him.

I brought him into my office and I reminded him of his dream and the people who were counting on him. Instead of using my emotions to lash out against him or threaten him, I showed him how much I cared about his dream. I was stern and direct, but we made an emotional connection. Over time, his performance improved, and I was so proud when he finally texted me a picture of him and his girls at Disney.

As a leader, you pour your time and energy into developing people so that they can be their best at work and at home. You become invested not only in their work life but also in their personal life. Their joys are your joys, and their pain becomes your pain. The decisions that you make can impact their entire lives. Decisions like raises, negative performance reviews, and job cuts have real consequences. If you had no emotions you would not care, but because you care about your teams, these decisions are hard.

Allowing your emotions to influence the way you make decisions, whether they come from a place of frustration or a place of compassion, will damage your leadership brand. Your short-term emotions cannot override the best long-term decision for your company.

If you’re a leader for even a few years, you will be faced with these tough choices. During the recession of 2009, I was told that I had to remove a certain number of employees. These were people that were well-liked. They were people that I liked. They had families who counted on them. I had to choose the mission over my personal feelings about the people I worked with. It was not easy, but ultimately, it allowed us to continue providing for the hundreds of employees that remained throughout the rest of the recession.

Tough-minded leaders are laser-focused on the mission, not the problem.

Be a leader that is fair, firm, and consistent at all times. Putting aside your emotions allows you to create and maintain a culture of excellence and accountability. This creates a brand and a leadership culture that will help you avoid many unnecessary discussions and explanations about your standards. As a leader, you may need to correct employees who are loved by everyone. Mentally strong leaders put aside their emotions and their concern about the possible ripple effect and have the difficult conversation. When you do, your team will know that your standards will never be compromised as long as you are leading the team.

Tough-minded leaders hold people accountable, but they never forget to show their appreciation. Especially when you are asking more from your people, you need to show them that you appreciate their dedication and sacrifice. When you show your emotional connection to them and their work and empathize with how they are feeling, you will build trust.

Balancing using your emotions to appreciate and encourage while maintaining high standards is what will set you apart as a tough-minded leader rather than a weak one.