Tough Love or Gentle Love

Over the years, as I’ve mentored young people, I’ve had the unique experience of some of them living in my apartment. It has been a rewarding journey, but also one that brings about certain challenges. One thing that always stands out when they move in is how quickly they discover my strictness. They soon realise how tough it can be to live with me because of the principles I follow in my daily life. I believe in setting clear boundaries, living with purpose, and maintaining a sense of discipline.

In an effort to make them feel at ease, I make sure that there is a sense of freedom in the space I offer. I operate on a "free-entry, free-exit" policy, meaning they can come and go as they wish. I do this not because I seek to feel important by having them around, but because I value their independence and want to encourage them to live on their own terms. It’s never about control for me; it’s about providing a safe environment where they can grow and be their authentic selves.

Over time, I see them develop in such a positive way. They begin to mature, take responsibility for their actions, and become more self-assured. What’s interesting is that as they grow, I no longer need to maintain the tough-love approach. They don’t need constant reminders or strict boundaries. The tough love naturally softens, and we begin to relate on a more personal level, almost like best friends.

At this stage, the relationship has evolved. They’ve gained the life skills they needed, and we can now talk freely, without the distance that existed before. It’s no longer about enforcing rules; instead, we engage in more relaxed conversations and share experiences. When I ask them why they choose to stay, many of them express that they know I’ve always had their best interests at heart. They feel secure and supported, and they appreciate the guidance that helped them become better people.

This transformation is truly rewarding to witness. The initial tough love that I extended has now turned into gentle love, rooted in mutual respect and understanding. There’s no longer a need for discipline or instruction; it has been replaced by a deeper, more genuine bond. This shift shows me that while discipline and structure are important at the beginning of any relationship, it’s the development of trust and respect that makes the long-term connection meaningful.

In the end, what started as a more rigid approach has blossomed into something much softer. It is a reminder that the heart of mentorship lies not in control but in support and genuine care. And when the tough love transforms into gentle love, that is when true growth occurs.

If you are aged from 18-40 years and you like the idea of belonging to a community of excellent and righteous young men or you are even above 40 and you’d like to be one of our mentors, feel very free to join the Real Boys Forum (RBF) by clicking on https://bit.ly/therbf.

#ejdansu #theejdblog #realboysforum #love #mentoring #toughlove #gentlelove