In touch with your Whole Self
Dr Tarek Jomaa
At the Intersection of Motorsport Engineering & Leadership: Empowering Sustainable High-Performance Cultures | Founder & CEO | Executive Coach | Dr in Engineering | ?? Global Keynote Speaker
As I previously discussed in "what is your coaching approach?" , every client is unique hence requiring a unique coaching approach leading to a unique experience for both, the coachee and coach.
From my experience working with clients in management and leadership roles, I noticed a very common thinking pattern that I would like to share. To maintain strict confidentiality, I am referring to the client as “Infinity”.
Infinity was a successful IT manager in a respected firm for almost a decade. Her success didn’t only come from her outstanding programming skills, but also from her good heart, integrity, passion, creativity and readiness to go the extra mile to help others. She suffered from job dissatisfaction, lack of challenge and fear of uncertainty which resulted in high levels of stress and anxiety. She quickly shifted to a passive mode by giving up control of her life, taking the backseat and letting herself be driven by the randomness of everyday events.
Like the majority, during the COVID-19 pandemic, her initial goal when she approached me was to work on exploring an alternative career path. We established some goals during contracting and started to explore various possibilities where Infinity showed a lot of commitment.
From my experience, the initial goals that the majority of clients set are often what they think they need rather than what they want. Coaching, when done right, has its charming way of challenging and supporting you during your reflective journey towards finding your real drive and becoming your true and best self.
Infinity progressed with her coaching and explored several options concerning career change, however, the deeper the coaching went the more she realised that the underlying, issue stopping her from taking any action, was her fear of change.
She was constantly confronting new possibilities with an endless list of potential negative outcomes and risks, creating her own prison from these infinite thinking loops. This thinking pattern was energy-consuming and a strong demotivator stopping her from seeing the bright side in new adventures or even recognising her potential and strengths. On the surface, it appeared as a sort of ruminative thinking that could be related to past events and experiences, however, this pattern was present in every single aspect of her life.
With Infinity, my approach was inspired by the principles of the Gestalt approach in coaching. I particularly found it very effective in making her self-aware of her thinking and behaviour patterns that were present in every corner of her life.
Our coaching journey was challenging for both of us, where my role as a coach was to remain non-directive in my support to infinity. Session after session I could notice the slow but steady shift in Infinity’s thinking pattern where she became more focused on the adventure’s reward rather than the risk.
On the day of writing this blog, Infinity is still in her current role. Despite not being the ending that the majority would expect, Infinity describes it as a happy and successful ending to her coaching journey.
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Coaching didn’t support her career change since it was never the real goal, instead, it made her more self-aware and in touch with her whole self.
Being aware of her thinking and behaviour patterns put her back in the driver’s seat where she is planning her next big adventure without being intimidated by change. Even when the fear of change gets to her, she feels much more in control by self-reflecting on her thinking and behaviour patterns in the here and now.
Being able to draw a picture of a brighter future, and most importantly imagining herself in it, made her a much happier person at work full of motivation and high on productivity. She doesn’t look at her current situation as the infinite loop prison anymore, instead, she sees infinite possibilities. As I previously stated, Infinity always goes the extra mile to help others which is the reason we both chose to briefly share her story. I strongly believe that Infinity is inside each one of us when facing change.
One thing to take away from Infinity is to be in touch with our whole self rather than focusing on its parts in isolation. This is where we usually find the real answer.
"The whole is larger than the sum of its parts" is the most famous quote that you will read when researching Gestalt. Many argue that it is a misinterpretation of the original quote below. No matter which one you prefer, the message remains the same; be in touch with your whole self.
The whole is 'other' than the sum of its parts
Kurt Koffka