Totally Worth It

Whew… it’s been a (very long, drawn out, overdue) minute since I’ve written anything with the intention of sharing it with others. The last time I was consistently posting on here was for my senior year independent research project!

So, y’all might be wondering, ‘Why the post all of a sudden?’ Great question. The short answer is that I’m at what feels like a major turning point in my career. The long(er) answer is that this turning point is in large part because I was part of an unexpected layoff over the summer and have been grappling with what that means for me and my career. I’ve wanted to write about the experience for a while but couldn’t seem to get over the shame I felt about being laid off. However, seeing so many people speak so openly about the many layoffs happening over the last few months gave me the push I needed to finally sit down and open a blank document.

Those closest to me know that I loved my job. I worked tirelessly to get my last job and it certainly paid off. However, it also meant that when I was laid off just six months later, I felt anything but ready to dive back into another tireless job search. And so I didn’t. That alone was a scary and hard decision but I knew that I needed a break. I knew that I didn’t have everything it takes to jump back into the job search grind. I am so grateful that I had the means to take a bit of time for myself to process.

However, I have never been good at having no plans, no routine, no purpose… you get the point. I wanted to find a balance between needing time before starting a new job search and wanting to support myself enough to stay in the city I love so much. So, I took a leap of faith (and someone took a leap of faith on me) and started working as a floral designer. I realize this might seem like it came out of left field but growing up surrounded by gardens my whole life (hi mom and Nonni) definitely played a role here. What started as a few days a week working mostly retail, blossomed (pun intended) into designing for weddings, events, and even some installations for local businesses. I really wish that for the sake of trying to inspire others, I could tell you how I ended up at a local florist asking for a job, but I really don’t know. The best I can do is say that it felt right. It felt like exactly what I needed and lucky for me, I was exactly what the owner needed too.

I could write several posts on this experience alone but for the sake of keeping this post from turning into a no-so-short story, I will just say that it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. It felt incredible to learn and now be refining my skills in a new trade; I’ve met fearless and inspiring people; and I’ve taken control of my life in a way I never knew was possible.

That said, it’s also been one of the more challenging experiences of my life. Working as a freelancer in this city has given me a new perspective on what it means to hustle. Having complete autonomy over my schedule is a beautiful thing but it is also a lot of responsibility. One I’ve found both empowering and daunting. My friends and family (shout out to Mom and Dad!) have received countless phone calls from me throughout the last few months where I tell them “I’m done” or that I simply can’t do it anymore. I know now that that wasn’t true, I just happened to be in one of the low points of what is inevitably a process of highs and lows (~life~). There is no easy path (or any path at all, really) to doing what you love/following your dreams/believing in yourself/whatever you want to call it.

However, what is easy to do is forget that I’ve been doing it for six months. It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long since I was laid off. I never could’ve imagined that this is where I’d be the day I got that call and wondered, ‘Wtf am I going to do?’ At the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could’ve possibly happened. Now? I think it’s probably the best thing that could’ve possibly happened.

The fact that I loved my job made it both hard and easy to move on from – hard, because I knew that I had so much more to give but also easy because I learned that I could really, truly love a job. A silver lining that I didn’t know how badly I needed. I’ve learned so many lessons from this experience but that one is definitely up at the top of the list (right behind how important it is to believe in yourself and recognize the moments when you’re really freaking proud of yourself.)

That’s not to say that I hated all of my jobs prior to my last. But the way I felt about my job – a passion and connectedness to the work that I hope continues to grow as I progress in my career – is something that I’ve realized I am not willing to compromise on wherever I end up next.

Of course, I don’t expect to love every job I have for the rest of my life. That’s not what I’m hoping for because there are beautiful lessons to be learned working a job you don’t feel super connected to. What I mean is, as I take what I’ve learned over the last six months and figure out what’s next, I will continue to search for that passion and connectedness that I now know is possible.

Some people think I’m crazy to have such a lofty goal, and it absolutely makes the job search I’ve started feel like a never-ending uphill battle. The difference between six months ago and now is that it feels totally worth it.

#writing #network #career #jobsearch