Topic 7: Reframing

The next topic we will explore is Reframing. Since NLP focuses on the linguistic aspect (language), let’s take a look at what reframing is and why it’s such a significant area of study. As the name suggests, reframing has to do with reorganizing our thoughts or changing how we link them to a particular situation.

Imagine a picture you like in a black frame, and then imagine it in a golden, glittery frame. Does the frame change the objects or people in the picture? No, but it certainly changes the aura and feel of the image. The goal of reframing is similar—it shifts your perspective, giving new meaning to a situation in a way that empowers you or opens up new possibilities.

Reframing changes the meaning of a situation by altering its context or interpretation. When you reframe something, you help someone view it from a different angle—emotionally, mentally, or physically. It’s like adjusting the lens through which they view their reality.

For example If someone says, "I’m overwhelmed at work," you could reframe it by saying, "It sounds like you’re handling a lot of responsibility, which shows how valuable you are to the team." The situation hasn’t changed, but the meaning has shifted from stress to importance.

One may ask, why is this change necessary? To answer that, take a moment for yourself. Recall a word that irritates you—something that triggers emotions whenever someone says it or uses it in a description.

During conversations, people have often shared that when someone calls them "idiot," they feel irritated and firmly respond, "I am not an idiot!" (sometimes with anger, sometimes feeling dejected). But why does this simple word, "idiot," strike so deep and shake your core? It’s likely because, at some point, someone close to you (whose opinion matters—whether a friend, family member, or even an enemy) used that word in a way that left the situation unresolved emotionally.

Now, imagine your partner playfully calls you "idiot," but deep down, you take it seriously. This could ruin the moment, the evening, or even the entire day, and worst of all, it could build up pressure within you until you explode like a volcano later on.

With such a beautiful life ahead of you, do you really think you should spend your valuable time and emotions on unresolved things from the past? In my opinion, the answer is a big NO. But how can we undo the emotional charge of these words? This is exactly why reframing is important: we want to change the meaning of certain words or sentences.

Types of Reframing:

• Context Reframing: Changing the situation to make something useful or beneficial.
• Content Reframing: Changing the meaning of the situation itself.

Let’s Try a Demo:

Take a pen and paper to write down the following sentences as you read them. It may be confusing to do it mentally at first, but writing will help you understand the process better. Once you get the hang of it, you can replace the sentences with your own.

Choose one of the sentences below:

a. "I see a messy desk, and it makes me feel like I’m disorganized."

b. "My boss is always criticizing me, and I hate hearing it."

c. "I feel scared about speaking in public."

Activity for sentence (a):

• Original Perception: "I see a messy desk, and it makes me feel like I’m disorganized."
• Reframe: "Your desk shows that you're working on many creative ideas at once. This is a sign of active thinking."
• Shift: The mess is now seen as a creative workspace, a visual change that alters the emotional response.

Activity for sentence (b):

• Original Perception: "My boss is always criticizing me, and I hate hearing it."
• Reframe: "What if the criticism is actually feedback showing how much they believe in your potential?"
• Shift: The criticism turns into constructive feedback, changing the emotional impact of what you hear.

Activity for sentence (c):

• Original Feeling: "I feel scared about speaking in public."
• Reframe: "That nervousness means you care about doing a great job, and that energy can help you focus."
• Shift: Fear is reframed into excitement and preparation energy. The emotional response shifts from fear to empowerment.

I included three different types of sentences aligned with three different modalities; you will find that one of the three will resonate with you more. If you are interested, proceed with the activity as described earlier to feel the change. With my best wishes and positive energy, I hope you will see, hear, and feel the same shift when working with your own sentences.

Insights from Various Authors:

Reframing is a technique favoured by many NLP practitioners and authors. Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the founders of NLP, often use reframing to help people overcome fears or change limiting beliefs. For instance, they might take a feeling of fear and reframe it as a sign of alertness or preparation. They teach that the physical sensations we experience (like a rapid heartbeat or sweating) can be interpreted as either fear or excitement, depending on the meaning we assign to them.

Tony Robbins, the well-known motivational speaker, uses reframing to transform negative emotions into powerful resources. He might say, “Instead of seeing failure as a bad thing, see it as a stepping stone to success.” He frequently uses emotional reframing to help people move from frustration to determination, turning failures into learning opportunities.

Byron Katie, author of The Work, takes a different approach. She asks a series of questions to help people reframe their beliefs and thoughts. For instance, if someone says, “Nobody appreciates me,” she might ask, “Is that true?” This leads them to reconsider the validity of their belief, ultimately reframing their feeling of unappreciation into a realization of their inner strength.

One of my favourite psychiatrists and psychologists, Milton Erickson, used metaphors to reframe situations in therapy. He would often tell stories about people overcoming obstacles, helping the listener unconsciously reframe their own challenges. For example, a patient feeling stuck in life might hear a story about a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, reframing that stuck feeling as a period of growth.

Practical Uses of Reframing:

• Problem Solving: If a problem feels overwhelming, reframing can help. Instead of thinking, "This problem is too big," you might say, "This is an opportunity to develop new skills."
• In Relationships: If a partner is late, instead of thinking, "They don’t care about my time," you could reframe it as, "They might be late because they were caught up with something important."

Reframing allows us to see, hear, and feel situations in a new way. It changes how we respond and often opens up possibilities for more positive and constructive actions. Just like adjusting the focus on a camera, reframing shifts our perspective, helping us focus on solutions, strengths, and new opportunities.

Please feel free to share your experiences after completing the exercise, or comment if you need further clarity. Remember, NLP is an experiential science, not a theoretical one. You need to roll up your sleeves and dive in to truly experience the magic. See you soon with the next topic, and cheers to you for reading all the way through!

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