Topaz Adizes on How a Single Conversation Can Change a Relationship Forever
Dr. Chris Stout
LinkedIn Top Voice | Best Selling Author | Adventurer | Startup Whisperer | (Accidental) Humanitarian | APA's "Rockstar" Psychologist | éminence Grise
Have you ever found yourself in the presence of someone you love dearly and had nothing to say? The silence, not indicative of your care for the other, nor of your desire to connect with them, and yet there were no words you could grasp to articulate the depth or quality of your connection to them.
Or, have you found yourself in the same looped pattern of conversation with someone you love?
Feeling as though you were treading the same path repeatedly, and it was simply exhausting? Or, even worse, it was deteriorating your connection. Have you found yourself so in love that you want to forge an even deeper connection but can’t find the tools or the experiences to help you build the next, greater version of what you sense is possible? Have you questioned the value of intimate relationships? Or what intimacy really means?
How does it affect your life? How do you build it? How do you maintain it? And on a more basic level, what’s the payoff?
We all crave connection. But sometimes we need help getting there.
Topaz Adizes offers a guide to having the conversations that can lead to that connection in his latest book, 12 Questions for Love: A Guide to Intimate Conversations and Deeper Relationships . After a decade of exploring human emotions and intimacy through more than 1200 conversations in his Emmy Award-winning experience design studio, The Skin Deep, Topaz has been studying and watching humans of all types, and in all kinds of relationships, simply talk.
Topaz is a writer, director, and experience design architect. He is an Edmund Hillary Fellow and Sundance/Skoll Stories of Change Fellow. His works have been selected to Cannes, Sundance, IDFA, and SXSW; featured in New Yorker magazine, Vanity Fair, and the New York Times; and have garnered an Emmy for New Approaches to Documentary, along with Two World Press photo awards for Immersive Storytelling and Interactive Documentary.
He is currently the Founder and Executive Director of The Skin Deep . Topaz studied philosophy at UC Berkeley and Oxford University. He speaks four languages, and currently lives in Mexico with his wife and two children.
In this episode, Topaz shares what he has learned from witnessing over 1200 conversations and the lessons from his own first-hand experiences.
Topaz, walks us through his evolution from philosophy student to studying relationships via immersive storytelling and interactive documentary. He also shares how he got started doing this work and his journey to beginning The Skin Deep.
We shifted into {THE AND} as a body of work, the initial idea for {THE AND}, and creating the space to explore our shared humanity. This work was also foundational for his new book, 12 Questions for Love: A Guide to Intimate Conversations and Deeper Relationships .
Here is what others have said about it:
Jodie Whittaker, award winning actor on screen and stage said “I’ve known Topaz for over a decade, and?12 Questions for Love?is a perfect example of the incredibly curious, open, and uniting person behind {THE AND}. These seemingly simple questions distill years of observations, encouraging us to discuss what matters most, and allow our relationships to thrive. Empowering and insightful, with heartfelt solutions to real-life problems, this is the book I wish I could’ve given to my younger self.”
Natalie Kuhn, Co-CEO of The Class, said “Save yourself another round of heartbreak and breakups and?read this first. Topaz condenses years of wisdom into 12 powerful questions that will give you the keys to unlock real, true, and profound love so you don’t have to keep searching (or suffering) in disconnected relationships.”
And Warren Berger, bestselling author of?A More Beautiful Question, said “In today’s info-saturated world, answers are easy to come by—but powerful, connective questions are what we need more than ever. In this game-changing book, inspired by his award-winning film series, Topaz shares a dozen questions that can deepen and enrich the most important relationships in your life. Buy this book not just for yourself, but for the people you truly care about.” High, and well deserved praise, I really enjoyed it as well.
We did a deep dive into the content and basis of the 12 Questions, and why it was important having 12 Questions. Topaz noted that we need to stop looking for answers and instead, create better questions. He went on to provide insightful and helpful ways to construct better questions and the structure of what makes a good question. He helped me to better understand cathartic conversations and why they are beneficial.
We covered what is deep listening is and how can it change the way we converse and connect. He provided ways to help one’s partner to open up and talk as well.
In addition to covering may other concepts and examples, I shred that I found his book’s design to be outstanding. First off, the way he did the dedication was lovely, not only what he said, but it was printed in his own hand. That was a first for me. Likewise, the Table of Contents was also a creative and useful design. And at the end of the book, I thought the QR codes in the References as so clever and so helpful to bring the concepts alive. Also, in the end of the book, he offers “Further Questions” that are in addition to the 12, and I asked about their use. Topaz discussed how he came up with these design aspects.
As we ended, I asked about his Experiences offerings, what are they like, what motivates people to join.
Topaz’s creativity, like his humanity, seems boundless. His work on relationship developments is a useful approach to helping us all have deeper and more intimate relationships that helps each us live our lives in full.
You can listen to our conversation on Spotify , Apple Podcasts , Overcast , SoundCloud , YouTube Podcasts , Pandora , iHeartRADIO , and pretty much anywhere you listen to podcasts, or download here . Please subscribe on your favorite platform and never miss an episode or sign up for our monthly notification . It’s like a gym membership for your brain.?Here are the show notes .
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3 个月Chris, thanks for sharing!
It’s wild how a single conversation can reshape everything. Connection’s all about vulnerability, huh? What are your thoughts on that?