Top Ten Terms for “Connectors/Community Builders” That Annoy Me

Dec 2, 2019

Three years ago I created a filter for introductions into my group of “Connectors” that resulted (in this context) in 100% awesome intros. To be invited into my group, you have to be an action-oriented natural giver...that I, or someone else would leave my kids with.  

It was pretty powerful and remains so, and I now have 532+ babysitters and counting! That’s efficiency.

         But now I find myself bombarded with requests, intros, and asks, some of which are totally out of place in that they display annoying, non-practical, even unethical behaviors. I found I needed a simple name to describe the people behind these detrimental maneuvers.

  The Top Ten

• The Collector—You’ve met this one for sure, knows a ton of people and keeps saying I’ll introduce you but never does. They keep their cards close to home and don’t share. They may truly care about you and be an awesome person, but they just don’t ever deliver when they could help you so easily.  I learned this term from my friend Michael Roderick.
• The Taker--Tries to use you to meet someone more prominent than you. Some people may refer to this person as a ladder climber, but I think it’s worse. They may even say they know you better than they actually do to leverage their own relationships. Most importantly, they don’t give back or reciprocate, and can burn your bridges along with theirs.  
• The Honied Wasp-- Knows lots of rich or influential people so thinks you will take a blind intro (without an opt-in) for someone who immediately pitches you on a project. Like a swarm of wasps around honey (who don’t belong as they don’t make honey--well not enough for consumption), people seek to profit off of something, instantly-- without considering you.
• The (Mysterious) Lurer--Sometimes fishing lures are really colorful, but you still can’t catch a fish if you suck at fishing. This individual reels you in with a mysterious need, and asks you for coffee or a call, and they know you just well enough to have you respectfully answer them, but then what they want of you could’ve so clearly been mentioned in advance, and now you’re frustrated instead of maybe willing to help them--because you could’ve told them something in five minutes that now takes 30-60. You walk away and they don’t even realize there was a pond full of fish you could’ve helped them with if they hadn’t wasted your time by being vague.
• The (Left and Right) Swiper--Someone doesn't check if you know someone (very easily) on LinkedIn or Facebook, or how you know them if you do, and then asks a favor of you while CCing that person. Now you’re in the situation of blowing off the other person and looking unkind when you literally are just trying to clear your inbox and schedule some downtime within the next month--and clarifying what you can or won’t do for this other person.
• The Selfish Assholes--The person/people who are so grateful to talk to you for a 30 mins or an hour, and they just talk about themselves the whole time and don’t ask anything about you. They walk away content, you walk away frustrated some one knew nothing about your value. 
• The Valuator--Someone you meet whom, despite a strong intro and the context given, makes it clear they are busier and likely more important than you, so their response often implies an "are you good enough for me” attitude including asking to schedule a 20 min intro call, or make you come and meet them for 30 minutes near them. 
• The (Unfocused Nebulous) Nomad--This person really wants to shoot the shit but doesn’t really get why you are meeting them or even the value of time. The meeting goes on and on as if they have more than the hour scheduled and you don’t know what they do, how they live, or why you’re spending the time meeting them. They do often have really good coffee.
• The (Over-Eager) Beaver--The person who keeps checking in because they just "happen to be wherever you'll be" all the time, and doesn't get the hint you are too busy to hang out because your day is filled with purposeful meetings. They aren’t bad, but they haven’t helped you, and keep clinging.
• The Subscriber--The person (likely from one of the above interactions) who somehow thought you wanted to be on a private BCC list (that you can't unsubscribe from without offending them) for what they write, and even worse also keeps following up asking you to do stuff they need because they somehow think meeting you (without listening to you) was enough to open all doors.

Two Suggestions from my colleagues:

* The Dick (more for women than men)--The guy whom you meet in a professional context and asks to meet again but isn’t clear if it’s a business meeting or a date! (thanks Jenny)

*The Double-Dipper: Someone who routinely introduces people after giving each of them the impression that the other person is in a position to help them, and framing both introductions as doing a favor. (thanks Angelo)

I’m certain there are more, but this is the start. For any suggestions on others, email me at [email protected]

David Homan

David Homan is the Vice President of Moonstruck Productions, led by filmmakers Paul and Kristina Dalio. Working at the intersection of feature film/media, he serves as a hybrid Executive, Creative, and Connector to launch the next phase of the company. He’s also a composer whose work has been played around the world, frequently on radio, and often with live modern dance and theater. A natural connector, David volunteers his time to advise start-ups, businesses, nonprofits, and philanthropists and helps them connect with like-minded individuals to make them more efficient and empowering. He believes that one of the best ways to make the world a better place is to help people join together to effect a positive difference and change. As a panelist, speaker, cultural ambassador, and specialist on governance as well as connecting, David has carved an international career based on his ability to meet and help others. He grew up in the small town of Gainesville, Florida, but has made New York City his home for 19 years. David serves as the NYC Ambassador for Nexus, as Board Secretary of the Arthur Miller Foundation, founding Board Member of Ariel Rivka Dance (as well as composer-in-residence), Board member of the First Republic Bank FEA NY Chapter, and as an evaluator for the Unfunded List.

To reach more of my articles, go to https://orchestratedconnecting.com/articles/