Top Seven Dirty Divorce Tricks

After 20+ year of practicing divorce and family law, I have seen it all: the good, the bad and the ugly. Most of my clients are individuals with normal flaws and reasonable anxieties about the process. They are worried about their financial future and their children's welfare. They feel angry and betrayed, and even spiteful. Although they are motivated to get the best outcome, for most, there is a line they will not cross. 

On the other hand, there are a few bad actors (male and female) who will stop at nothing to undermine their ex. Here is the "top seven" list of Dirty Divorce Tricks that I have dealt with in my office (in no particular order):

 1.   Lining pockets before the divorce:  Squirreling away cash can take many forms, from ATM withdrawals months and even years before the divorce is filed, to wire transfers, HELOC loans, buying gift cards, and hiding assets with family members.

2.    Calling the IRS on a spouse: This is an act of pure spite, trying to implicate an ex who is not reporting income, or involved in other shady shenanigans. This move can backfire in a big way, because tax audits can ensnare both spouses, especially if they filed joint tax returns.

3. Cancelling credit cards:  In most states, a divorce proceeding means that spouses are not responsible for the new debts of the other. Cancelling a credit card might be a smart financial move, but not when it leaves a dependent spouse and children high and dry. Cancelling car insurance and household utilities is a very bad look in front of the judge.

4.  Clearing Out the Safe: Or safe deposit box. It is very common for cash, jewelry, artwork, and even passports to suddently go "missing" during a divorce. Not only is it hard to prove who took these tangible assets, stealing personal property can really inflame your ex, and this can set the stage for a nasty litigation.

5.  Hacking the cell phone, email, car GPS and home computer: I see this more and more in my practice. Cameras, spyware, microphones and other technology can be used to gather information, invade privacy and set up a case to use against you in court. If your ex is true sociopath, he will set you up by instigating arguments and videotaping you. If you suspect this is going on, take your cell phone and laptop to a security expert asap.

6.  Consulting with many divorce attorneys: This is a very common maneuver in the high net worth crowd. Every county has top practitioners, and if a spouse has a premeditated plan to undermine the ex in a future divorce, he or she can set up appointments to meet with the best law firms in town for a consultation. Those law firms are then unable to represent the spouse due to a conflict of interest.

7.   Making up false allegations to get custody:  Some of the nastiest moves in a divorce are those that interfere in a parent's access and bond with their child. This can go on for years while the parties are still living together. In its worst form, there are false allegations, cancelled visits, gaslighting and parental alienation. If this is going on in your case, get a very tough lawyer and fight back hard. Losing money in a divorce is one thing, but losing time with your children can cause irreparable lifelong damage.

As you can see, you simply cannot underestimate your once loving spouse in an adversarial situation. Divorce tends to bring out the worst qualities in good people. A lot of advice I give to clients (especially during early stages of proceedings) is geared towards reining in emotion-fueled impulses. 

As a lawyer and mediator, I often counsel clients to "take the high road" in dealing with their ex. I encourage out of court settlements with common sense terms. But this can only be done if your ex is operating in good faith and not out to get you. If you suspect that you are "behind the eight ball" in divorce planning, consult with experienced counsel without delay and take steps to protect yourself.

For a free confidential consultation, email me at: [email protected]

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