The Top 8 Reasons People Don't Ask For or Invest In The Help They Need

Part of Kathy Caprino's series "Becoming The Most Powerful You"

After leaving my corporate career and embarking on my own business as a therapist and later, career and leadership coach, writer and executive trainer, I had to make the huge shift from receiving a regular paycheck to generating consistent revenue by offering services and programs that help professionals thrive.

In the beginning of that journey, even though I had been a marketing and product management VP and thought I knew a lot, there was so much I didn’t know about entrepreneurial and small business growth strategies and taking the right steps to achieve sustainable success. I began to realize that I’d have to invest a good deal of time, money and effort in getting outside help if I were to be successful, including receiving marketing guidance, virtual assistance, technical support, branding help, web development, course launch help, etc.

During the past 17 years, I've often resisted and waited far too long to get help, and the results were sometimes disappointing and on occasion, disastrous. I’d offer myself what I thought were solid rationalizations about why I didn’t really need the help or how I could figure it all out on my own. But as time went on, it became crystal clear that if I didn't get the necessary outside assistance when it was needed, my business would simply not thrive.

It turns out that the phenomenon of "Reluctance to Ask for What You Want and Deserve" is highly prevalent among professional women. In my latest research and book The Most Powerful You exploring what I've seen are the 7 most damaging power and confidence gaps that block us from reaching our highest potential, a staggering 77% of women have shared that they experience this particular power gap.

Here's more about this Power Gap #3:

Working with thousands of professionals, I’ve also heard virtually every reason you can imagine why people won’t move forward to obtain or hire the outside help they know they need. While some of these reasons are obvious (money, time, effort, etc.), many of these are outside of people's awareness – meaning, they actually have no idea about the real reasons fueling their reluctance and fear about getting help.

To learn more about the top reasons people resist investing in their growth or obtaining the help they need when they know it’s crucial, I've conducted numerous interviews, both informally and in my own newsletters. My latest poll on LinkedIn generated 54,000 views and 1,051 votes.

In the poll, I asked this question:

When you know you need outside help to address a big problem in your life or career, but don't get it, what is typically the top reason?

The results were (based on the four vote options allowed):

I'm embarrassed to discuss it - 24%

I hope it will just get better - 29%

I resist spending the money - 36%

I'm afraid to explore it - 10%

(Several folks wrote me privately that simply didn't have any available funds to invest, which wasn't an official voting option in this poll, as LinkedIn polls only offer 4 possible vote choices).

After analyzing the feedback of these surveys and comments I've received over the years on this topic, what emerged is a list of the 8 top reasons people most frequently give (to themselves and to others) for not moving forward to receive or invest in a wide variety of types outside support when they know they need it.

These top eight reasons are:

1. Money/cost/investment

As we would expect, money, cost and financial investment are the top reasons people give for not getting help.?People share that they either don’t have the funds to invest, or they do have the money, but are worried about the return on investment, or the lack of guarantees on the money spent, and what it will ultimately cost them to get assistance.

While this is a certainly legitimate concern for many, I’ve observed that when we dig deeper to uncover some core beliefs people hold around money, numerous subconscious fears and worries keep people from moving forward.

Often, individuals suffer from a deep-rooted worthiness problem, and they lack the self-esteem, confidence, and internal commitment necessary to move forward toward their highest goals and dreams. (Read on below for more about subconscious blocks that hold people back from getting the help they need.)

2. Time/timing

The second?most frequent reason I hear for why people don’t obtain outside help is that the time investment required seems too great, and/or the timing feels off because of the other commitments, projects and demands the individual is facing at the time that make it feel too hard to commit to getting help.

3. Inability to tell the good from the bad

Many have shared that there is so much information out there in the world today?from people who are false, fake and untrained, that folks have been burned in their investing in outside help. I've lived this experience myself, even though I believed I had properly vetted the consultants and advisors I hired. We have also seen a proliferation of truly unethical people who lie about or misrepresent what they can do for us, and they simply can't help us at the level we need.

Folks have shared too that they don't feel equipped to discern the credible experts from those who can't deliver on their promises. Just because someone has a slick website and a few testimonial videos doesn't mean they have the expertise to move you forward in a positive way, or navigate through our particular challenges. I have witnessed this daily in my fields. There are countless people online pretending to have great experience and capabilities to support positive growth in others, but in reality, they have nothing of the kind. (For instance, I've met several coaches over the years who've outright lied on their websites and profiles about the number of clients they've worked with, and have justified to themselves that lying was ok).

4. No trust or faith in the outcomes

The fourth reason for not getting help is that people have grown intensively skeptical of promises made by service providers on the internet. Their trust or faith in the idea that there will be positive outcomes has been shattered, either from a past experience or because the promises seem too good to be true. One fellow shared, "I'm looking for a clear map to how these people will help me and the methodologies they'll be teaching and using, but I'm not seeing it."

People want to be shown exactly how this helper will support their goals, and they’re concerned that the investment simply won’t pay off and they’ll get ripped off.

5. Personal pride ("I should do/know this myself.")

This reason revolves around an inner belief that we shouldn't need any help to be successful, or that asking for help reveals weakness, ineptitude or vulnerability. Often, this mindset is rooted in one's childhood, from programming or messages received from parents or other authority figures. It's a misguided and damaging notion that we must only rely on ourselves as we're trying to stretch professionally. We all need outside help at one time or another in life - to grow beyond who we are today and to reach the new heights that are calling to us.

6. Not knowing where to begin to look

This reason is responsible for holding many people back from finding the right support resources and providers, whether that's a coach, consultant, advisor, therapist, mental health provider, or other critical resources they need. Often, we simply don’t know where to look and don't want to ask our colleagues or friends for recommendations. The seriousness or depth of our problems coupled with overwhelm at where to begin to find good help, can keep us stuck in a paralyzing "swirl."

7. The goals that the outside helper says we're supposed to be pursuing don't feel right or aligned with who we authentically are

I’ve experienced this reason myself numerous times – where the goals that I wanted to achieve in my business and work didn't seem to be meshing with the goals that some top “experts” said I should want.

In other words, outside help often promotes certain beliefs, mindsets and practices that “experts” say are the “right” way and outcomes we should desire, when in the end, these practices can feel wrong and out of sync with our own intrinsic values, needs and desires.

8. A persistent feeling of incompetency and inadequacy

Finally, this reason – a deep and chronic feeling of incompetency and inadequacy ?–?keeps people from asking for help because they’re embarrassed and ashamed at where they are. And they don't have the confidence to believe that they can effectively act on the advice they're given.

This feeling (often in the form of imposter syndrome) prevents individuals from admitting outwardly that they need help, and stops them from “finding brave” to go out and get it.

Deep down, they feel fundamentally flawed somehow, that they “should” be doing much better in their life and their business, and it's too painful and humiliating to admit how much trouble they're facing. Sadly, that feeling of?inadequacy keeps them from getting the very help they need to shift and improve their situation.

What are the consequences of not getting the help you need?

I've personally lived this problem, as have hundreds of people I've spoken to. Waiting too long to get help can mean we lose much of what we've worked so hard for or move backward in our growth process, which can make the situation infinitely harder.

When people are asked, “What do you think are the repercussions for not getting the help you need?” virtually all respondents know and share this: “I’m missing out on the success, growth, and improvement I could be experiencing.”

If any of the above reasons strike a chord with you and you know that outside help is necessary to improve your situation, I hope you’ll muster the bravery to dig deep and address what is standing in your way of getting help.

Whatever type of help you need now (personal, professional or otherwise), embrace the fact that we ALL need help at one time or another. That's the universal human condition. It's a very wise and empowered person who can face head-on his or her challenges and take full accountability for what's happening and how to change it. It's enlivening (and even thrilling) to finally take the "finding brave" path and confidently believe in yourself enough to ask for help so that you can achieve the goals and visions that matter most to you.

For support to build a happier, better career and expand your leadership impact, visit Kathy's Career and Leadership Breakthrough programs, join her The Most Powerful You upcoming course, and tune into her Finding Brave podcast.