Top 5 Reasons to Stop Seeking Validation & How to Spot it

Am I seeking Validity?

Constantly seeking approval from others in order to feel good about ourselves can often lead to more harm than good. In this article, we will explore the 5 dangers of chasing validity and how they can impact our lives

1. Seeking validation leads to low self-esteem

Seeking external validation can have a negative effect on our self-esteem. We can begin to feel like we are not enough. Over time we tend to rely on the recognition and approval of others to feel good about ourselves. Consequently, we may lose sight of our own value and strength.

If we are dependent on approval from others for our well-being, and we do not receive it, we can become anxious and insecure. The result can be that we become more prone to criticism and judgment, and our sense of self-worth can be undermined. A lack of self-confidence can lead to doubting ourselves, our abilities, and our judgment, leading to a decline in self-esteem.

This can become even more of an issue when we make our self-worth dependent on how others see us or the acceptance from them. We might make choices and decisions based on what we think others want from us and not on our own values and beliefs. We can become too focused on the opinions of those around us and what they think of us instead of listening to our heart and gut and trusting our judgment.

You may end up feeling like a puppet, trying to move in ways that you believe will make others happy without any regard for your own happiness. This can be draining and can lead to a disconnect from ourselves, and eventually take a toll on our own self-esteem.

2. We lose sight of our own worth and value

When seeking validation and approval from others we tend to forget about our own worth and value. As we strive to please everyone else, there comes a point when we start to devalue our own opinion and feelings. We begin to feel as though our worth is only dependent on how others view us, which can be damaging to our mental health and sense of self.

Issues start to arise when we start to become too preoccupied with how others perceive us and begin to lose sight of our own value. We tend to think that if we can just make people like us, then we will finally feel good about ourselves. This is rarely the case. Instead, it can lead to an unhealthy habit of continually needing validation and approval from others in order to feel accepted and worthy.

While it can be beneficial to take account of people's opinions, it’s also important to remember that people’s opinion of us isn’t always a reflection of the truth. At the end of the day, our opinion of ourselves is the most important. Ultimately, we decide if we’re valuable, successful, and capable of achieving our goals.

If we give too much weight to the opinions of others we become trapped in a never-ending cycle of seeking their validation. This can be detrimental to our mental health as it leads to feelings of low self-esteem and self-doubt. We can also become too focused on pleasing other people and neglect our own personal needs.

We must balance prioritizing our opinion of ourselves with the information we gain from our experience. Over time you'll recognize that you are valuable even if others don’t always agree. Seek out feedback and advice from those around you, but always remember that your opinion of yourself will reflect how you show up in the world.

3. Chasing validation is draining and exhausting

The constant need for validation can also take a physical and emotional toll. Over time, seeking approval from those around you can cause burnout and exhaustion. This happens because of the amount of time and energy you devote to pleasing people and working hard to gain approval.

The fact is that, no matter how hard we may try, we cannot control how others think of us. Human beings are complex and unique. Even if we could fully understand the tastes and experiences of others, we still couldn't force them to choose to think of us a certain way.

From an emotional standpoint, striving for validation leads to feelings of inadequacy. Especially when we don't receive the external approval we desire, it is important to remember that no one individual can validate your worth. I'll restate this for emphasis: our own thoughts, words, and actions are what lead to self-confidence.

Trying to please other people often shows up as our desire to "serve" others. This mimics our sense of purpose in the way it informs our actions. However, "service" motivated by a desire for external validation only leads to insecurity and the feeling of never being good enough.

It is important to remember that self-care matters and trying to obtain validation from others should not be a priority. Make sure to practice self-love, self-care, and to pursue your goals with a plan in place and confidence.

4. Resentment and bitterness

The fourth danger is a particularly important one – feelings of resentment and bitterness. When we become overly focused on chasing external validation, it’s only natural that we can start to become resentful or bitter towards those who don’t validate us enough or who we feel don’t appreciate us. This is why it’s important to remember that focus on external validation should always be in conjunction with focusing on our own internal sense of self-worth.

When we rely largely on external validation and not on the validation we get from within we start to blame outside circumstances or other people for our lack of validation or success. Then we begin to hold grudges or feel resentment towards them. This resentment can begin to become a very damaging force in our lives, draining us of energy and causing us to act in destructive ways.

Furthermore, this kind of resentment can lead us to lose sight of what really matters in life. Instead of focusing on pursuing our dreams and living the life we want, we might become trapped in a cycle of bitterness and wasting our energy on those who don’t validate us.

When it comes to validation, it’s important that we aim to find it internally first. Please contact me to help develop self-validation skills and take ownership of our worth.

5. Blocks us from reaching our full potential

People who said they made frequent social comparisons were more likely to experience envy, guilt, regret, and defensiveness, and to lie, blame others, and to have unmet cravings.

Validation chasing is an insidious trap that prevents us from reaching our full potential. If we're trying to please others, we may make decisions that don't align with our own values or feel the need to sacrifice our true desires and dreams for the sake of acceptance. We may even become so focused on the idea of being accepted that we forget to explore our own potential.

Moreover, chasing validation can often lead us to live a life of comparison. We may compare ourselves to others, marveling at the success of our peers and wondering why we can't replicate it. We may wrongly believe that our worth is only measured by what others think of us. One study notes: people who said they made frequent social comparisons were more likely to experience envy, guilt, regret, and defensiveness, and to lie, blame others, and to have unmet cravings.

Are you Chasing Validity?

There are some tell-tale signs that may indicate that you're heading in the wrong direction.

1. The need to constantly prove yourself. If you’re always seeking approval from others in order to show that you are worthy of something, then you’re likely on the wrong path. This can be particularly stressful, especially when it comes to comparison with other people. The need to be better than everyone else can be stressful and can lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.
2. Need to be the “best.” It’s natural to want to do your best and be the best. But when it becomes a competition and you’re constantly trying to outdo everyone else, this can be a sign that you’re seeking validation instead of your own personal accomplishments.
3. Need to continuously earn your worth. If you’re continually trying to prove that you’re valuable, worthy, or important to others or to yourself, this can be a warning sign that you’re chasing after validation. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem as you continually strive to be “good enough.”

If you can relate to any of these warning signs, it’s important to take a step back and reassess your priorities. Working with a professional is a great way to start your journey toward becoming a happier, more self-assured human being.

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