Top 25 Disorienting Dilemmas @ Work

Disorienting dilemmas are those unexpected life events that throw us for a loop, derail us from everyday experience, and carry a sense of pain that causes us to stop in our tracks. The upside to this inescapable part of life, according to researchers in the field of Transformative Learning, is that disorienting dilemmas have great potential for prompting a healthy, fundamental shift in our perspectives. With the right types of supports we can critically examine how well our assumptions serve us, both in the situation we face and in general. Transformative Learning has been described as, a process of transforming,

“…problematic frames of reference—sets of fixed assumptions and expectations (habits of mind, meaning perspectives, mindsets)—to make them more inclusive, discriminating, open, reflective, and emotionally able to change” (Mezirow, 2003, p. 58).

Nowadays organizational life is fraught with disorienting dilemmas. From 2006 - 2016, I have collected hundreds of stories about disorienting dilemmas faced by professionals around the world, including North and South America, China, Africa, and India. Gathered mainly through my Transformative Leadership Workshops, I have analyzed these dilemmas and rank ordered them. I now use them when introducing the concept of disorienting dilemmas, by asking participants to pick the dilemma that resonates with them the most. Utilizing my framework participants proceed to engage in dialogue in order to transform their perspectives and arrive at innovative ways of dealing with each challenge. Take a look at this list and see which of these worldwide disorienting dilemmas resonates the most with you!

Top 25 Disorienting Dilemmas at Work

1. How to say “No” to a supervisor regarding an unsustainable workload or decision/request you strongly disagree with. 
2. How to offer helpful advice to a colleague who is unable to handle (or is overwhelmed by) disorder in their department. 
3. How to directly address a problem when colleagues (who meet to discuss the problem) talk about anything other than the problem; i.e. talk “around” the problem. 
4. How to correct someone’s false assumption about your motivation when it is expressed publicly/unexpectedly in your presence. 
5. What to do when a false impression of you is being spread (and widely accepted) behind your back? 
6. What to do when your hard work goes to waste because of petty politics. 
7. What to do when it is well known amongst those in power that an employee is failing or doing something to the disservice of colleagues or clients, yet is not being approached or reprimanded? 
8. How to work with stubborn or resentful colleagues when you are promoted to serve as their supervisor? 
9. How to express being upset and seek justice when your supervisor has done something unfair to you (i.e. give a job to someone else when you were promised it). 
10. What to do when you observe an explicit abuse of power? 

11. What to do when you inadvertently learn about a hidden abuse of power? 

12. How to approach someone when they are unaware that they demonstrate racism through their words or behaviors - and then they ultimately disagree about what is “racist.” 

13. How to work with a colleague who has betrayed your trust? 

14. Dealing with mixed messages: being told you are an outstanding leader and not being promoted, receiving public praise, or getting a contract renewal. 

15. Dealing with negative (unwarranted) surprises during yearly evaluations. 

16. What to do when others accuse your performance standards of being too high or too low when you believe your standards are fair? 

17. How to deal with a colleague who blatantly misbehaves, and in doing so challenges your credibility as leader? 

18. What to do when you feel your integrity/credibility is being challenged in public? 

19. What to do when you are being chastised in front of your colleagues? 

20. What to do when you are the victim of scapegoating OR witness someone else being scapegoated? 

21. What to do when a colleague feels the need to “step in” and handle things for you, essentially doubting your capability and not allowing you to handle the situation yourself. 

22. How to give both support and constructive criticisms to a colleague or superior when they are unwilling to hear it? 

23. How to deal with someone who threatens to hurt you politically, i.e. quid pro quo? 

24. How to challenge an unfounded evaluation of your performance; particularly when there is nothing to critique and your boss feels they must be “tough” anyway? 

25. What to do when a team is attached to the way the last leader ran things; and you experience unfair resentment/resistance as a new leader. 

Getting Stuck and Unstuck

When it comes to leadership development, the ability to address dilemmas where there are no clear cut solutions is a core competency. Helping others do the same is an organizational necessity. However, gut level disorientation can be very painful, particularly if it challenges your sense of identity or value to the world. It can become especially painful when a psychological wound is reopened. We tend to get stuck by avoiding or recoiling from this awkwardness, and settle for what we know: “I’m too old for this. I’ve seen it all. That’s just life!” Avoidance takes on many forms. Embracing rather than avoiding disorientation is an important step toward self reflection and transformation. So it deserves further exploration, which I hope to stimulate here. A few of the fun ways we avoid reflecting on disorienting dilemmas include:

• Rationalizing the disorientation into something superficially positive, often with platitudes.
• Projecting anger, fear, sadness, and misunderstanding on others, as if pointing the finger releases us from the responsibility of facing an uncomfortable expression of reality. Existentialists refer to this as “Bad Faith.”
• Force-fitting experience into the lens of our existing expertise and habit of mind. This means leaning heavily on our go-to perspective of the world in a way that reinforces our reliance on that one lens when faced with future disorientation.
• Entering a state of utter abeyance; waiting for someone else to come to the rescue.
• Ignoring it altogether.

The Self-Transforming Mind that Robert Kegan refers to as one of the highest forms of cognitive maturity, never settles for just one understanding of the world. Instead, they actively seek disorientation by engaging in new experiences or by practicing greater everyday awareness - expanding their consciousness – in order to see beyond their tentative best understanding of the world. They also stand toe to toe with disorientation, not belligerently, but as if they are reaching out their hand.

Transformational leaders model this process by welcoming, befriending, and embracing disorientation as (perhaps) their greatest spiritual teacher.

References

Mezirow, J. (2003). Transformative learning as discourse. Journal of Transformative Education Vol. 1 No. 1, January 58-63 DOI: 10.1177/1541344603252172