Top 10 Tips To Better Understand Your Self-Defeating Habits

It goes without saying, self-defeating habits are those behaviors and thoughts which hold us back from achieving our goals and living our best lives. Often automatic, they can be unconscious, and counterproductive, and have a negative impact on our relationships, health, and well-being - even our jobs.

Understanding your self-defeating habits is the best way to eliminate them from your path. Life hands us plenty of twists, turns, and even hurdles along the way, so it’s important we control what we can so as not to allow them to control our lives and our success. ?

1. Identify what self-defeating habits you possess.

The first step to overcoming self-defeating habits is identify them. Pay attention to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors which may be holding you back from achieving your goals.

Do you procrastinate, self-sabotage, or engage in negative self-talk? If so, you might be acting as your own worst enemy. Once you have identified your self-defeating habits, you can begin to work on changing and eliminating them.

2. Understand the underlying beliefs and emotions

Self-defeating habits often stem from underlying beliefs and emotions we may be unaware of. In a study on golf participants, it was discovered those who spoke negatively of their ability and their game were more likely to perform worse than those engaging in self-affirming language. ?

For example, you may have a belief you are not good enough or a fear of failure is holding you back. If so, it's important to understand these underlying beliefs and emotions in order to challenge and change them.

"The first and best victory is to conquer self.” – Plato

?3. Practice self-awareness

Self-awareness is key to overcoming self-defeating habits. How can you work against something which you don’t know exists, much less understand.

Grab a pen and paper and take time to listen and record what’s going on in your mind.

# Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors throughout the day; and make note of them.

# Notice when you engage in self-defeating behaviors and what triggers them.

Doing these things can help you to better understand your habits and begin to make changes.

4. Use mindfulness techniques

Mindfulness techniques such as meditation and deep breathing can help you to become more self-aware and present in the moment. When we auto-pilot with self-destructive tendencies, the results should not be surprising.

Being present, staying in the moment, can give you far more information on why you do the things you do. Using mindfulness techniques can help you to break out of automatic, self-defeating patterns and make more conscious choices about your thoughts and behaviors.

“When you focus on the good, the good gets better.” – Abraham Hicks

?5. Challenge any negative self-talk

Negative self-talk is a common self-defeating habit which can hold us back from achieving our goals.

# Pay attenntion to the messages you are sending yourself

# Challenge negative thoughts with evidence-based positive self-talk.

?For example, if you are telling yourself you will never be successful, challenge that thought by reminding yourself of times when you have been successful in the past. Sometimes we struggle to pull up information to challenge these intrusive thoughts. If that’s the case, set aside time to sit down and list out some accomplishments or positive experiences you’ve had over the course of your life. Doing this will help provide a better frame of reference moving forward.

6. Set realistic goals

Setting unrealistic goals can lead to feelings of overwhelm and self-defeat. You want your goals to be challenging but not impossible. That said, it's important to set realistic goals which are achievable and aligned with your values and priorities.

Break larger goals down into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. As you begin to reach those smaller goals, you’ll develop more self-confidence in your abilities. This self-belief will go a long way in challenging self-defeating habits.

"When you want to succeed, as much as you want to breathe,

then you’ll be successful.” – Eric Thomas

7. Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, care, and understanding - especially in times of difficulty or failure - when it is essential to practice self-compassion to overcome self-defeating habits.

Negative - self-defeating habits - have a tendency to make us overly critical and pessimistic about ourselves. Consider when are you the hardest on yourself? Then acknowledge change is a process and be gentle with yourself as you work towards your goals.

8. Build a support network

Overcoming self-defeating habits can be challenging and seeking the aid of others can be helpful. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your struggles and ask for a hand and encouragement along the way.

Plus - having a positive network not only allows others to pour into you, but also for you to encourage and support them. In fact, the act of helping others can often be a powerful way to notice pain points in our own lives.

“The mind is like water. When it’s turbulent, it’s difficult to see.

When it’s calm, everything becomes clear.” – Prasad Mahes

?9. Replace self-defeating habits with positive behaviors.

Replacing self-defeating habits, with positive behaviors, is a key step towards lasting change. For example, if you tend to procrastinate, set a timer for a short period of time and work on a specific task.

Then take a break and reward yourself for your progress. This can slowly help you break out of the self-defeating habit of procrastination and replace it with a more productive behavior. If you can do this, behavior by behavior, then you’ll have a far better chance of success.

10. Practice self-reflection

Finally, practicing self-reflection is key to understanding your self-defeating habits and putting you on the road to making lasting change.

# Take time regularly to reflect on your progress, successes, and challenges.

# Consider what's working for you and what you still need to work on.

?# Along the way, make note of your highs and your lows. What habits did you see and which worked best in counteracting them? As you see patterns form, you can utilize them to your advantage. All of which can help you to stay motivated and committed to your goals.

# It’s recommended you keep a journal.

“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be.

I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not,

I hope you have the strength to start over.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Finally -

If you incorporate these steps in your life you’ll have a much easier time understanding the active ways you might be sabotaging your own potential. Take them one day at a time.

On the path to your aspirations, be your biggest fan!

And remember, changing self-defeating behaviors takes time and effort. Be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process. Celebrate your progress and stay committed to personal growth and positive change.

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