Top 10 Elements to a Successful Marriage/Relationship

My wife and I will be celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary in July, and we have been together for many years longer than that. Reflecting today, on Valentine's Day, on how strong our relationship is and how we remained together while close to 90% of couples we knew from our daughters' elementary school years have long divorced, I give to you my personal top 10 to a successful marriage/relationship. There are other elements, and I probably could have kept producing a list longer than my arm, but here are my personal top 10, based on more than 30 successful years in my relationship.

1.?????? Great Communication – this is top priority, for everything else flows out of communication, including clear freedom of expression, effective listening (truly listening to understand, not having a response for everything), being non-judgmental, never fearing to discuss anything (and I mean anything at anytime with each other), never suppressing how you truly feel. We know each other so well we can tell how the other feels from a simple text message and how it is formulated, unbeknownst to anyone else who would read it.

2.?????? Keep Intimacy Alive – Never stop holding hands, a simple hug, a gentle caress, a kiss, keep intimacy alive not just in the bedroom but in your everyday lives, without it your connection will fade.

3.?????? Compliment Each Other LOTS – I never tire of hearing how much my wife loves me and I always tell her, text her and remind her how much she means to me, how much I adore her, it feels good always to both of us.

4.?????? Keep Romance Alive – Regular date nights, surprise flowers, an amazing home cooked meal prepared with love, an impromptu foot massage, love notes left where the other will discover through their day, etc., never stop displaying and dreaming up new and exciting ways of being/staying romantic with each other. These are the small sparks that fuels the fire of devotion to each other. We celebrate every occasion, birthday, anniversary, and holiday to the max, make a big effort to make all occasions special!

5.?????? Be Best Friends – We are each other’s best friend in the entire world, that in itself is the greatest aspect of our relationship that enables love to flourish and the ability to get through anything together.

6.?????? Healthy Arguing/Disagreeing – Anyone who says they don’t argue/disagree in their relationship is delusional.? We are humans, we will disagree, we will argue on certain aspects of life from time to time, but keep it civil, respectful, listen effectively to understand and at the end of the day be ok to agree to disagree, BUT then lose it, drop it, move on, life’s too short to then fester on a disagreement/argument.? This can be extremely difficult to do but is necessary. Oh, and always apologize when you are wrong, and truly mean it.

7.?????? Spend Quality Time With Each Other – Find hobbies, activities, and fun things you both enjoying doing together, something as simple as a regular walk, holding hands, and just chatting on a beautiful evening as the sun is setting does wonders for connecting and bonding.

8.?????? Respect Time Apart – Conversely if you enjoy certain activities, hobbies, etc. the other person doesn’t want to be involved in, respect each other’s time to still do that without you.

9.?????? Be True Partners – We divide chores equally, I cook most of the meals, my wife handles laundry, we clean up from meals together, for house cleaning, I do all the bathrooms, she dusts and vacuums (except the stairs, they’re tiring and thus mine), we are a team at everything we go at, not only household chores.? A true team is difficult to divide and both partners feel equally appreciated and part of a well-oiled machine, pulling weight equally.

10.?? Support Each Other Always – We support each other in every endeavor, both personally and professionally, always there for each other in the peaks and valleys of life, the good, the bad, and the downright awful, no exception.

Wishing everyone success in finding true love, for when you have it, it is the most amazing aspect of life.