Tools for everyday restorative justice....

Why do students fight?

I hate it when students fight, but fights happen at my middle school, like they do at most middle schools. I have intervened in my share of these and feel the heaviness afterwards. Fights take a toll on my body and mind, and it is sometimes more than I can bear. I wish I could call in sick the following day to take a break; however, I feel obligated to be there afterwards to stop any other conflicts that the fight may have instigated, and to talk it through with those most affected. Like I said, I hate fights.?

Let me backup a bit. I wanted to start writing for my own sake. In my day to day life I am doing restorative justice along with multiple other things that contribute to 800 middle school students getting an education and moving through a day successfully. Day to day school life is utterly exhausting and rarely can we sit back and reflect. Most days are action-response all day long. In our in-between moments, bathroom breaks, coffee breaks, meetings in the hallways we attempt to reflect; however, these are rarely beneficial and often-times venting sessions.?

In my line of work I need the bigger picture with me at all times to keep me grounded and motivated to walk with another student as they attempt to calm down or mediate with a couple students that are in direct conflict. My days are busy, and it is easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Conferences, groups, staff circles and other resources are helpful, and sometimes I need to do my own work to look further into issues, in order to help with my “sticking thinking” about the day-to-day problems that I encounter.?

For this first article I researched the issue of fighting. Hoping to encounter a study that shed some light for me on why adolescents fight. I came across this study that asked 65 middle and high schoolers about fighting and specifically why they fight or do not fight. Through a series of group sessions and individual questions their responses were gathered. The results of this study are summed up well by this chart below.

Risk Factors for Fighting (Fighters)

1. Intrinsic desire to fight
2. Receive conflicting messages from families about acceptability of fighting
3. Family members model aggression

Risk Factors for Fighting (Non-Fighters)

1. Fight only as last resort
2. Parents condone fighting only in self defense

Factors Protective Against Fighting (Fighters)

1. Some parents advise using verbal conflict resolution, rather than fighting

Factors Protective Against Fighting (Non-Fighters)

1. Parents teach to ignore gossip/verbal insults
2. Negative consequences outweigh benefits
3. Future orientation

Strategies to prevent fighting (Fighters)

1. Fighting only conflict-resolution strategy fighters know; most strategies ineffective

Strategies to prevent fighting (Non-Fighters)

1. Prevent fighting by walking away, talking, avoiding fights
2. Have caring counselors and teachers

Shetgiri R, Lee SC, Tillitski J, Wilson C, Flores G. Why adolescents fight: a qualitative study of youth perspectives on fighting and its prevention. Acad Pediatr. 2015 Jan-Feb;15(1):103-10. doi: 10.1016/j.acap.2014.06.020. PMID: 25528128; PMCID: PMC4273104.

I was struck first that there was this dichotomy of fighters/non-fighters and that students identify as such. Additionally, I was struck with how pervasive fighting was for those that identify as fighters in these groups. It corresponds directly with those that I work with daily. In a school of 800, I would hazard that 20% of students identify as fighters and the stories that I hear connect directly with what this study found. Fighters are influenced by family, peers, and a lack of understanding about any other strategies. Daily I encounter students that become so upset, to the point that they would consider fighting, even over conflicts that seem trivial. I resonate with the non-fighter’s. I was never taught that fighting was an option and therefore I scratch my balding head daily wondering why my students want to fight over rumors, or something said about their mom, or even over a space in line. The energy that fighting commands at my school is astounding and the number of videos and postings that are made over fights is even more astounding. One fight can command an incredible amount of attention and students, win or lose, would rather have the attention than lack thereof.?

So, as I sit back and wonder about the struggle I face with my students, I feel a sense of relief. The issue is clearly much bigger than what I can tackle in a 6 hour day. It involves a whole slew of others that influence this child and I am just another person in that mix. I can try my hardest to influence those that I encounter; however, I am somewhat comforted in knowing my limits. One notable item in this study, is the influence that relationships with adults, sports, clubs, and other factors played a role in preventing students from fighting. So, the work continues. I will keep plugging away and making the change I can, and I will also return with a better glimpse into the world of my fighting students.?

Here is to the good work that many of you are doing and may we keep plugging away. Keep up the good fight folks. There is a lot working against us, but that has never deterred us before. Be brave, be bold, and just be.?

https://www.academicpedsjnl.net/article/S1876-2859(14)00241-1/abstract