Toolkit For Affirmative Goal-Setting

Introduction:

S.M.A.R.T. goals are helpful and make us efficient. But are they always effective? So I have asked a few fundamental questions addressed to my soul as 'You'. Let me start with the questions:

Are S.M.A.R.T. goals missing the purpose?

Giorgio Armani was a doctor in a military hospital before becoming a legendary fashion icon.?Before Rolling Stones happened, Mick Jagger wanted to be a journalist. Had Sourav Ganguly set a target to be a top-scoring footballer in his early days, and followed throughout his career, we might have missed a great cricket captain. There is a long list of famous as well as our-next door success examples, who either was an average Joe or pivoted in his goals.?

Goals have made us smart! We measure our success by setting targets that can promise us to achieve specific results in a pre-set time. Whether promise is fulfilled or not, we rarely ask whether S.M.A.R.T. is the best way for setting goals. Even raising this question can be sacrilegious to the whole corporate caliphate.

Yes, S.M.A.R.T. way of goal setting has a clear, user-friendly means to document the objective. It is easy for reviewing and vetting. Also, it is much better than not documenting at all or documenting in a vague way.?So, it can be a good method for already set processes in a set environment.

In real-life situations, uncertainty is common and rarely within our control. We could see that many pre-pandemics lofty S.M.A.R.T. goals have changed. Of course, we can consider it a one-off aberration in a century.

Even then, we are often in unpredictable situations when the process can’t be defined and the period is relatively long.?Take examples of any new initiatives inside an organization or independent ventures. We do set objectives and try to follow S.M.A.R.T. goal setting. But slowly we can see the futility- either we drastically underperform, overperform, or at times oscillate between the two.?Often these extreme variances get canceled out at the macro level for large organizations.?

At a personal level, life goals such as career, marriage, health, etc. cannot be simply put under S.M.A.R.T. process.

When life throws us so many challenges, S.M.A.R.T. goals get tossed up and down so much that they lose relevance eventually. So knowingly or unknowingly we withdraw from them and decide goals in our own way based on our fundamental understanding.

We all do this fundamental process of goal setting without any formal guidelines. I thought to structure it under the name of A.F.F.I.R.M.

(Initially, I was averse to acronymize it, but words just fell in place. So, I thought to keep it for better recall.)

In the subsequent part, I will try to define six useful tools that represent the toolkit for ‘AFFIRM’ative goal setting.?

The First Useful Tool:

Do you believe in yourself? Be You

Does my current set of goals resonate with me? Fully? Am I setting goals to impress (even to myself)? Are my goals set by others? i.e., am I mirroring others’ goals?

When I asked these questions, I felt a sort of duplicity in my mind. My goals may score high on compliance, but they stand on shaky ground.

After significant thought, study and experiment, I rewrote my goals. They are no longer impressive, but they reflect my core.

In this soul-searching journey, I discovered the first principle of goal setting with the following attributes:

1.?????Goals should represent my true self and are fundamentally aligned with my values

2.?????I am the undisputed owner of my goals

3.?????Goals should be based on facts and realities backed up by evidence

In ForbesBooks, The Secret to Your Success: The Science and Practice of Authentic Goals; Author Craig Dowden, Ph.D. wrote:

“The researchers found that individuals who pursued goals aligned with their “true” (i.e., authentic) selves reported significantly more progress…”

In a scientific article on Lifehack, Dustin Wax highlighted the “Psychology of Ownership” for goal setting:

“When we own something, we invest a part of ourselves into it, and it becomes an extension of ourselves.”

Nicolya Williams wrote in Belong Magazine:

“The first way to know if a goal you set is truly yours is if you can't stop thinking about the goal.”?

In Psychology Today Magazine, Thomas Rutledge Ph.D. covered the importance of facts and evidence for setting goals in “Beyond SMART: An Evidence-Based Formula for Goal Setting”

To summarize, my set of goals should be truthful, fundamental, factual, reliable, and my own.?

It is not necessary to tick all the attributes while setting our goals. Each case can be unique. No need to strain ourselves with methods. Just follow what your heart tells. The underlying essence should be authentic. That’s enough.

So, “Authentic” is the first tool of A.F.F.I.R.M.ative goal setting.

“There is no authentic goal you can set for yourself that can’t be reached, no dream that can’t be realized. It’s just a matter of learning HOW to achieve what you want.” —?Jillian Michaels

The Second Useful Tool

Are you like a river?

While trying to set my goals AUTHENTICALLY, I had piercing self-doubt. Do these goals ‘exactly’ represent what I really want to achieve?

What if I change my mind? What if I find lacunae in them? Later? Even my assumptions on resources and constraints can vary.

Yes, fixing my goals gives me a clear focus and direction.?It gives me a boost that I can live the achievements in my mind right now, right here. Just I need to break down the tasks into simple achievable steps and follow them rigorously. Once I complete this path- Voila! I’m there.?Obviously, there will be some hiccups and setbacks- but am I not disciplined and motivated enough to overcome them?

My past goals tell me a different story. At times the outcome matched (particularly during the stable phase). But at other times it didn’t.?So, the results seldom tracked my ups and downs with my preset milestones.

Before my 10thI wanted to be a CA and started preparing along the line. I ended up taking Science. In 12th I wanted to get into Presidency College doing Physics Honors. Became an engineer instead. Later, when I was preparing for CAT, I resolved not to join any institute other than IIM, A. After receiving a call from my would-be cherished institute, I failed in the final interview. Heartbroken; I never tried. ?Afterward, I did an executive MBA from SIBM. In my first job, I thought of never leaving Philips. But Philips sold the business I was part of.

I am sure we all have similar or more compelling stories. There are two points to ponder.

One: Are we unhappy with the different outcomes than what we set to achieve?

At least, I’m not. I consider myself happy and contented when I look back. But, at those very moments, I was either devastated, elated, or utterly confused.

Second: Were our goal-setting processes wrong?

No. We may not have got the exact intended results, but what we became instead is no less an achievement.?The effort that we put in and the struggle that we made- all these contributed to whatever we accomplished.

But, one thing is constant. In all these, we have learned to adapt and accept. Accept a new set of goals and results. We know something is in our control and most of the things are not. So, we keep changing the path and the destination. Like a river that keeps following the least resistant path when small, gathers water from the catchment area, and becomes mighty. It may eventually join another river, a lake, or a sea -it’s not that important. Also, it is not important how much water it should carry each year and how much it should grow in five years. It’s vital that it flows on a sustainable basis.

John Wooden, Coach and Teacher said: “When you improve a little each day, eventually big things occur… Don’t look for the big, quick improvement. Seek the small improvement one day at a time. That’s the only way it happens, and when it happens, it lasts.”

So, let us set goals like a river. The objective has to become better and stronger than today with a determination to reach a happy destination. The exact time, location, and numbers can change. Be flexible and follow the least resistant path. When formidable challenges come, bend and learn new things, gather knowledge from others, and reset the path. ?You can respond reactively by either a) adapting and bouncing back (resilient) or b) innovating and growing in difficult times (antifragile as defined by Taleb in his book). Conversely, during good times, becoming pro-active to a) change the gear to gain a maximum benefit or b) self-disrupt and reinvent (Always Change a Winning Team: Why Reinvention and Change Are the Prerequisites for Business Success-by Peter Robertson)

Whether I adapt, innovate, change, self-disrupt or reinvent, I need to be flexible.??

Therefore, my second tool for the A.F.F.R.M.ative Goal Setting toolkit is “Flexible”. ?

“Do not figure out big plans at first, but,?begin slowly, feel your ground and proceed up and up.”- Swami Vivekananda

The Third Useful Tool

Can you see through your goals?

Let me confess.

This part is not easy at all easy for me. It demands my commitment. Absolute. None asks for more attention than this. Because it is the attention itself.

When I don’t focus, I can’t set the right goals. When I don’t create focused goals, my destination looks hazy. My flow to achieve the goals suffers.?I start to dither. Then procrastinate. Finally, I fail.

To begin with, Goal setting is a serious activity. Unless we pay our full attention to the process, we will end up with a ‘Wishlist’ and not goals.?So, I must ask the right questions…

Are my goals clear? Can I see them in front of me? Always?

AUTHENTICALLY following my heart and being FLEXIBLE set us free from the restricted boundaries of goal setting. Training our minds to concentrate on one subject is a tough task.

Attention triggers my thought. Deep thinking brings out a clear vision from my inner self. When I visualize what I want to achieve, I can see the journey, the people, the process, the gaps, the struggle, and the prize. Not necessarily, in that sequence. But for me, investing hours in thinking about the process, pausing intermittently to reflect, documenting them give me a strong handbook for future reference. The more I can see and feel the journey clearly; the more accurate is my direction.

Clarity doesn’t mean to lay down details and numbers. Let’s say, someone dreams to own a house. She might specify an 800 sq. ft. 2BHK apartment with vitrified tiles and chrome fittings. Alternatively, she might picture her home having gracefully decorated living, a boho bedroom, and a cozy corner for her painting hobby.?Does this not weave vivid images into a collage of her feelings, rather than mundane specifics?

Complete focus creates worthy goals for me. And focused goals have success ingrained in them.

The language and substance of my focused goals form a clear image, a diagram, or a chart.

Another important thing. Focus gives me flow and vice versa. Traditionally we may think that no matter what, the process of fulfilling the goals is always unpleasant. As we are taught- No pain, no gain. Agreed, some part of our journey will be tough and challenging. But if we are focused and well-equipped, we can enjoy the journey. Focus along with practice gives us the mental strength to enjoy the thrill even when it looks daunting from far and outside.?Any adventure sports professional can vouch for it.

Finally, while Authenticity gives the anchor to my lifeboat, Flexibility provides the lifeline, Focused goal acts as a lighthouse when our life ocean gets turbulent.

My 3rd tool for the A.F.F.I.R.M.ative goal setting toolkit is ‘Focused’.

“To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.”- Stephen Covey

The Fourth Useful Tool

Are you linked with each other?

Diwali-the great festival of light has just got over. Like all other festivals, we wish people we know and reciprocate theirs.?While these are on the expected line, there is one thing about festivals and events that intrigues me.

?It is about the opportunity to connect beyond our routine acquaintances. I consider this as a great gift to not-so-naturally-gifted-connector like me. These are the occasions when I can send messages without looking like I am intruding on someone’s personal space.

?Of course, that’s the very reason our friends in sales use these times to market their products. It is a necessary part of their job to connect.

?Connection is important. I find this is true for goal setting too. Whatever goals I set, all of them need at least one common thing- that is my time. So, I must latch them to my timelines, to remain focused.

So, at first, I must connect my goals with my calendar.

Second, my goals need resources like money and assets which is limited. So, they need to be apportioned.

In short, I must link all my goals with each other to maintain the balance.

Finally, my goals cannot be implemented in isolation. They need people to support and execute.

People have their own set of goals and limited resources and time. Most of the time, we overlook this part while setting our goals. We think our goals are by default the goals of people whom we need support. Particularly when we set our goals authentically based on a common, bigger purpose. Taking others’ time and support for granted is a grave mistake. My priority at a particular point in time may not be others’ priority. This causes friction and hinders execution.

Additionally, neither my goals nor others’ goals progress as planned due to the very nature of uncertainty. That’s why our goals should be flexible

So, I must identify my time resources, money resources, and people resources and link them to my goals. Even if I don’t have a clear picture of available resources and the exact nature of others’ goals, we must loosely connect with them. It's like covalent bonds where individual atoms share their powers to create a linked network. That’s how organic chemistry works, that’s how I believe human chemistry also works.

My goal, therefore, is to link my goals to my time and interlink with the goals of others.

This brings harmony.

So, my fourth tool for the A.F.F.I.R.M.ative goal setting toolkit is ‘Interconnected’

?“Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.”

Chief Seattle- the great leader of native Americans

The Fifth Useful Tool

?Are you growing up like a plant?

Why do I set goals? Why should I set goals? What happens if I don’t set goals, at all? To find answers to my questions I did some exploration.

?Let me address the selfish reason first. I want to achieve the goals to get success; to be recognized; to be healthy, wealthy, and wise like the early riser in the childhood poem. These are earthly desires but valid human needs.

?What happens once I achieve them? I want either more of the same or go to the upper level of needs like benevolence, peace of mind, or the ultimate enlightenment. These are also desires like the so-called basic needs- only packaged with the halo of self-actualization.

?Broadly, there are two ways I can fulfill my desires. Either by setting goals or by not setting goals. Let’s consider the latter first.

?One of the major reasons stated in favor of NOT having goals is that many great inventions happened by accident. Starting from Velcro, post-it, microwave oven to more critical inventions like anesthesia, penicillin, X-ray, etc. all were invented by chance.?While this sits on firm truth, there are plenty of inventions that happened when man purposefully worked to address some needs or to solve some problems.?Then, the chance inventions occurred when the inventor was busy otherwise working on a mission that needed the same ingredients. Thirdly, not all goals need to be an invention by nature. Winning tournaments consistently, improving health, becoming successful in the profession, establishing a profitable business- all these don’t happen by chance.

?Next, what happens when I don’t set any goals? It is okay for some part of my journey to live without any goals. Particularly after a highly intensive session. It helps to relax and rewind. But if kept at this state for long, slowly and surely the drifting will happen towards purposelessness. The mind will look again for some worthy things.

?There is a third part beyond this dilemma. While some of the worthy desires need goal-setting, rest can be left alone. If I am too focused on a few important life-purpose goals; let the other desires grow at their own pace. For example, those desires that are so difficult for me to achieve or to bring clarity using my present capacity.?Or, those that will not bring much difference to me- achieved or not.

?While looking at many successful people and organizations, I have found one common underlying trait. That is, day by day they are raising the bar by bettering their existing processes and products in order to keep growing.

A small plant anchors its root firmly to the ground and stem firmly erect (being #authentic), sways to the wind (being #flexible); progresses towards the sun (being #focused), and remains connected to the leaves through branches (being #interconnected). That helps it bear flowers and fruits. But essentially, it does all the things to keep rising upwards in order to become a grown-up tree.??

?So ‘Rising’ is the fifth and penultimate tool for the A.F.F.I.R.M.ative goal-setting toolkit.?

The Sixth Useful Tool

Are you like a waterfall?

What is the value of goal-setting if it doesn't lead me towards attaining the goals? Goals may have all but one right ingredient.

?That is, I have to take action in the right direction to realize them. One may say, action is the next step and thus, not part of the goal-setting per se.?Agreed. But goals should have something in them that propels me to the next stage.?

?In my #Affirmative goal-setting expedition, I have learned that #Authenticity gives the strong foundation to my soul- the starting point of my goal-setting; #Flexibility gives my mind the path to follow or change my course; #Focus keeps my eyes always on my journey towards the destination; #Interconnectedness links the goals with resources; #Rising answers my ‘why’ and helps set my destination.?

?With all set, I need to start the journey, and then, when I am stuck, I need something that keeps me moving forward.?In short-I need the constant push. I can get that externally either from somebody like a superior, coach, or a teacher; or even from self-help books and videos. These are important and necessary. However, these can be at the worst, stressful, and at the best, intermittently helpful.

?Rather, if my goal is such that I get self-attracted towards it, creating a positive pull-then, there will be very little stress. Also, my need for external push will be minimum. I may still experience pains, but I can actually enjoy those pains.

?These ‘self-attracting’ goals have some special attributes which I call ‘Motivative’. As per The Free Dictionary, ‘Motivative’ means ‘impelling to action’ and Merriam-Webstar defines it as ‘serving or likely to arouse action or activity.’

?Motivative goals should have the following characteristics:

·?Goals that I can act upon to fulfill my desires

·?Goals that are broken into smaller actionable sub-goals

·?Immediate actions are clear and doable with effort

·?I can correlate between immediate actions and my progress

·?Performing actions may be sometimes painful, but so much mentally satisfying that someone is eager to do them, anyway.

?The last attribute relates specifically to Motivating. However, semantically as well as contextually, Motivative is more than motivating. It’s a union of purpose (motive), drive (as in locomotive), and action (as in motion).

?Motivative is the ultimate but significant factor of goal setting. In fact, it merges the goal-setting and execution into seamlessness. It’s like the edge of the cliff where the mighty river is just on the verge of becoming a roaring waterfall. It has enormous stored energy which is about to change into a majestic flow. Even if I wish, I can’t stop at this point of action. It is so forcefully pushed from behind and so strongly attracted by the gravity that one can’t resist its push-pull.

?So, ‘Motivative’ is the final tool for my A.F.F.I.R.M.ative goal-setting toolkit and also the beginning of goal execution.?

The Toolkit:

Now that I have the right questions, I am sure I will get the right answers. Let me use the right tools that I have searched, researched, and found. These are my treasure and that is what I am carrying as my toolkit for my Affirmative goal setting.?

#Authentic #Flexible #Focused #Interconnected #Rising, #Motivative.

For easy recall, let's use the A.F.F.I.R.M.ative acronym to remember each word.