Too Much, Too Little or Just Right

My son(AV) joined a football coaching academy recently. He was playing football with other kids in society for last few weeks but wanted to learn it properly. He was really excited about his day one and a bit nervous too.

"Papa, will the coach get angry if i do some mistakes?"

"What if i miss a lot of goals?"

I asked him to relax and just enjoy the game.

Coach started with some drills and some basic dribbling and passing techniques.

In the last 20 mins, he split them into 2 teams for a football match.

One thing i observed was that my son was not taking any shots at the goal. He would do the dribbling well, out-maneuver the defenders but at the last moment he would always look for someone to pass the ball to.

I could sense that he was not backing himself to score a goal. In all probability this was "What if i miss the goal" fear coming to life.

On our way back home in car....

AV: "Papa how did i play today?"

Me: "It was decent for day 1 but can you tell me one thing why were you not taking the shots at the goal?"

He stayed quiet and didn't answer my question.

Me: "See AV, you have to back yourself to score the goal. When you have done all the hard work, you have to believe that you can score a goal. Next time i would want to see you take some shots. I want to see less passing next time."

He nodded.

In the next few days i could see him working on the feedback.

Passing reduced , Shots at goal increased.

Infact in one of the matches he scored a hat-trick although his team lost 5-4. Anyways, regardless of the result ,in that match whenever he scored a goal he would give me a "Did-you-see-that?" glance and i would reply back with a thumbs-up and a smile.

Feedback was working and now i could see him backing himself to score a goal. Only problem now was that he wanted to score ALL the goals. ALL OF THEM. He just wouldn't pass to anyone. (facepalm)

Our convo that day after the match

AV: "Papa , wasn't I amazing today, 3 goals but still we lost."

Me: "Yeah you were, good clean goals today. I'll give you a 5/10 today."

AV: "What?? why only 5??"

Me: "Because you were not passing it to anyone at all. You wanted to score all the goals."

He was taken aback by this feedback, he went quiet for some time and after few mins of reconciling the two feedbacks ,he snapped back at me.

"When i pass you have a problem, When i don't pass you again have a problem. How should i play?"

I realized , both these feedbacks in isolation were correct according to me but they had left him in a confused state. I started thinking on the fly and tried to salvage the situation.

GV: "See AV, it is not about passing too much or passing too less?"

AV: "..but that's what your feedbacks were about."

GV: "Yeah right now they are, let me try and explain. Ok tell me ,Who wins a football match?"

AV: "The team that scores more goals."

GV: "Yeah, exactly. It is the team that scores more goals, so now you should do whatever it takes to help your team score more goals. "

AV: "Hmm"

GV: "If you are in a good position to score a goal , then don't pass and go for the Goal. If you are not in the best position to score a goal, but someone else in your team is, then pass it to that person and he'll score it for your team."

He again went quite trying to digest the latest version of the feedback.

After few secs

GV: "BUT papa.."

Now I was curious about this BUT part. I felt i had explained it brilliantly.

AV: "What if the Player in the position to score a goal is a super bad player. Even if i pass, he'll miss it or hit it anywhere else but the goal."

I laughed and asked him to not talk like that about his teammates.

In the next game he scored a goal and went away celebrating "Siuuuu" mode around the ground. This was a solo celebration of sorts, none of the other kids ran behind him to give him the usual high-fives or hugs.

I was still waiting to see if the last feedback had registered.

A chance came , my son had the ball but he was also covered by 2 defenders, one of his team mates was unchecked on the other side of the field. His friend shouted "AV Passssss." and yes, AV did Pass.

The guy was a decent player and he knocked it straight into the Goalpost. Unlike the previous celebration this was not a solo one, both of them ran towards each other , gave each other a big High-Five followed by a Hug.

My son turned around and gave me the "Did-you-see-that?" glance , this time for a goal that he didn't score .

I smiled and replied with a Thumbs Up. :)