Too busy to slow down?

Lately, I've felt myself in a spin more often. Like I'm a spinning top, sometimes completely motionless and depleted and other times on wild ride, spinning in every direction.

It became more and more important for me to pause, to create space. But let me be clear. My habitual way of being is living in fast or faster. Feeling impatient with myself for not getting things done as I 'should.' Ohhh that dangerous word should—more on that in a future post. Continuing to push through, be heavily scheduled, and rushing from one thing to the next, wasn't helping me. The harder I muscled through, the further behind I felt.?

These feel like such extreme polarities. Struggling to manage slowing down and pausing vs. kicking this all into high gear, like the sweet rumble of a beautiful engine, I was restless and ready to hit 0-160 in seconds.

I knew something needed to shift. Intuitively knowing that slowing down was necessary before I could speed up. I couldn't prioritize while juggling 28 balls. Focusing was hard. Do you remember the movie Up and the sweet dog that was distracted by the squirrel? I felt like that dog, distracted, having a hard time focusing. Unfinished emails, books started but not finished, grocery lists based on menu planning, then forgetting the recipes I would make and telling my kid about the zucchini in our garden at least three times.

How could I balance slowing down and creating pause and accomplish and deliver on commitments and promises? To give life to my inner desire to have a more significant impact on the world, wanting to play a much bigger game? @Tara Mohr, your voice is in my head often :)?

This big conundrum came with me to Victoria. Where I did pause and slow down, intentionally. I sat on the beach at Dallas Road, one of my favourite places, and exhaled. I paused to listen to me. Really listen. I had held these polarities as separate and disconnected. This wasn't a head problem to solve. Could I also listen to my heart and soul??

On this day, on this beach in Victoria, I 'listened' the word trust.?

I realized I have been so busy surviving, getting through, spinning, rushing to accomplish and do more of what I should be doing. As a result, I had disconnected from myself. I no longer?felt?competent in some areas, but I realized that wasn't true when I paused to reflect. I wasn't being as intentional about what I was saying yes and no to, which resulted in insincere and, at times, resentful yeses. I made commitments to myself that I didn't follow through on, impacting reliability. My care was high on many fronts, and I also needed to reassess how I held and nurtured what I cared about.?

What's been helpful after the reflections and ponderings on the beach??

I take time to slow down. Some of my favourite ways are a snuggle with Gracie (our foster kitten), a walk outside, an impromptu one-song dance party in the middle of the day, or curling up with a book. I also notice that being barefoot on the grass, watering my plants helps me settle.?

Throughout the day, I notice where my breath is. And in that noticing usually realize that my shoulders are up to my ears. I exhale, let my shoulders relax, notice where else there is tension and send breath there. Breath also helps me shift from being frustrated and restless, to open and calm.

Slowing down has allowed me to reconnect with what I care about, what matters and why. That's allowed me to refocus my time, energy, resources on that care and what matters to me. In a weird and unexpected twist this week, I've crossed a lot off my to-do list, prepared more, cooked meals I had planned to, walked with a friend, and still had time left over.??

Spinning can be fun at times and also uses up precious energy and resources. The good news is we can spin when we want to and slow down when it serves us, and there are all sorts of speeds in between. So it's not an either-or polarity but a dial that we can turn up or down - based on what we need.??

What speed are you at today??